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This just seems like your ex is in a horrible relationship, period. It is still not justification for the hypocrisy. I wonder if jealousy and envy would still exist if there was a relationship with a single person. How can you start a new relationship (especially with someone without children) without putting that adult first?
And your son is almost an adult. I would think that would be more acceptable to most people.
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First of all I never stated if my ex hub had a great relationship or not..this was not the query..I merely gave an example of WHY some single parents choose to date people that do not have children. I stated based on my personal exp. My son is older and I stated this in the thinking I have held accepted or not. I stated an example of WHY SOME single parents CHOOSE to date childless people..do not let the facts get LOST
..................That whole post was full of generalizations.
Forgive me of my ignorance here *sarcasm*, but isn't it the job of the parent to put their children first? If you didn't, wouldn't you be saying that person is a bad parent? There's the catch 22 of that.
If you don't want to date single parents that's fine. But don't blame that on the fact that the parent must put their child first. I don't know about you, but putting your kids first tells me that you would make a wonderful parent. Just saying.
What's wrong with a generalization? Finding things to be generally a certain way does not mean that generalization is bad or wrong. It is not about neglecting the children it is about order - pecking order in the family unit. If you are an animal living in the wild then as a mother you put the offspring first- They are the priority to ensure survival of the species.
So often you hear a woman stand up and proudly proclaim "My kids come first" - usually these types do not have strong relationships with men- if they do it is superficial - financial and just sexual. Some men are the same. Putting your kids first does make for a wonderful parent- a wonderful single parent.
You are not an animal but a social creature belonging to organized society...The parents - husband and wife must have total loyalty to each other in order to create a powerful united force- a force that can not be breached by the state- social fluxing of values...or by money - abundance or lack of it. If a parent looks upon the spouse as secondary to the children- the children will play one parent against the other...and you have disorder.
Imagine if a father looked upon the mother or his children strictly as a vessel of reproduction...as a secondary entity...and his son or daughter was of more importance- That would make the woman someone with no real rights within the family unit. In the alternative if the wife put her son and daughter above above the husband...that would render the male to a position of provider and nothing more- He would have no authority within the house hold unless he pays for it.
Single parents who are divorced have made mistakes...single mothers have been trained recently that a father is not relevant...If a male becomes involved with a single mother...the chances of a strong and real union taking place - one of mutual respect and co-operation are slight. It becomes a union of convenience.
It could be my old Orthodox Christian up bringing....My mother would say.."There is nothing above above parents - not the government- not friends- but only God...below us - meaning the mother and father--there is you...below you are the animals such as the family pets...below them are the wild things - and right down to bacteria- It was an ORDER....and ancient one.
Today a single mother looks at a "boy friend" as being on the same level as her child- and slightly less...The child would come first and the state is doing the husbandry or she views her employer in a sense as the husband...There is just no class structure in these kinds of relationships...When there are difficulties - the female can just jettison the "boy friend" and replace them with the next fool who will sell his dignity for sex.
Loyalty is royalty. You either behave like a king and queen - with your princes and princesses in control - or you behave like peasants where a child of no experience has power over the household. A man and woman united will never be poor- and will always have respect in society..and the children will do well because they learn from example how to set up their own little empire in the future..
This is actually a conservative way of doing things- More liberal freedoms do not guarantee freedom..You can be told that you are free.....but you are not- Besides the kids love it when they see parents united and strong IT MAKES THEM FEEL SAFE...and with safety they thrive.
In my experience..When I meet the mother of my children..She was freshly divorced with a toddler..It was hard to except another man's child...I did my best and NEVER did I expect for this child as they grew to call me father or dad- He has a father and the only father you really have is the NATURAL father.. The father of my wife used to say that his daughter related to her son like a child relates to a teddy bear.. I was always a second class citizen the home.
It took the birth of my daughter- then another daughter - then a son to even out these dynamics...The oldest son..is now in his early thirties - He refers to me as "pops" - as for his real father- The man turned out to be a total jerk- I never set this young man against his natural father...In fact years ago..The boys father was severely burned- No one wanted him around- I brought the dad into my home and personally nursed the guy..because he was the father of my eldest step son....
This boy who was not mine- now lives 12 thousand miles away - He is the most loyal- the most respectful...now he has become a father to a child in Cyprus...and is raising two teenage boys from his wifes first marriage...He is a good man...BUT I guess that I must have set a good example- It was not easy raising another;s son- I don't suggest it to the faint of heart.
That's my story...as for his real father- the child as they mature will make their own decisions regarding how they feel about them- Never bad mouth the father or mother of a step child....
I do admit that it was difficult- The mother of my children was a stubborn and willful person to a fault..and did use offspring as a control over me...But _ put in the 27 years - and stuck it out- which was the right thing to do- You make your bed - you sleep in it---I was never first in her life..nor would I ever have been- I stayed because I was a dutiful protective father...I do realize what this woman's defect was- It was disloyalty - Her mother was the same way...like puppies that follow anyone that flatters them or pats them on the head...personally - I do not seek the approval of anyone...
My father who was going through a difficult time and appeared to be the bad guy was at times abused and humiliated by my mother who was successful and full of arrogance and pride...I remember my father weeping and saying "I don't live for 300 years" In other words life is to short to suffer abuse...Treat each other with respect...and the rest will fall into place- including the kids...Kids need to see an example of civility- not some constant power play.
Beware the contentious wife.......or husband.....This is biblical contention means that you are in a state of contest...of competition with your spouse- This leads to failure and a waste of life- Partner means just that- a united company- that thrives- and the product of that company are offspring- they are the thing of value- the reward...the real wealth.
You can be a single parent and datable. To say otherwise is not only absurd, but it's just to defend a stance why you think single parents shouldn't date.
As for guys, are we talking younger guys like 19-28 then yeah I would agree. Hence I why I date guys in their 30's. They tend to be more ready to settle down and more mature than guys in their 20's. At least that's my experience.
You also have to keep in mind, a good single parent who isn't looking for just sex or booty calls put dates to the test by making them wait. I usually will make a guy wait at least a few months before I even think about progressing it to that level. This weeds out the guys who are not looking for anything serious, or just talking to me and buttering me up for booty. I have figured out very good ways around that and thwarted it on many occasions. I want more than sex, I want a good solid man that I trust, my child trusts, and cares about me and him.
Responsible parents who date also know that you don't introduce the s/o and kid until at least 6 months in.
We are datable though. Again just because YOU wouldn't want to date one of us, doesn't mean we are "undatable" on the market
Not where im from, single mothers act like if there still in high school and childless.
I don't get angry when I'm turned down for dates because of being a mother. Of course (in my head) I think it's dumb that someone is going to hold the fact that I had a past before they came along against me, but whatever. I don't care. That's their choice.
As a single mother, I personally prefer not to date single fathers either. I know, that makes people like me and the OP seem selfish but the thing people don't understand is: Some times we can not handle more children than just our own that we have at the moment. I know a couple of single dads who think like this too and they refuse to date single moms. But we also know, we have to bring something really positive to the table if we hope to date childless partners. And usually... we do.
If you are a single mother...don't make the child a big issue or talk about the kid too much- The mans's primary interest to being with is you...On the first few dates stay low key about the babe at home...If you go on and on about the kid - it leaves little room to get to know each other- Also- some low life men assume that single mothers are a push over sexually and all they are looking for is to get laid- NEVER take this route- act like a potential virgin bride. Do NOT get in bed with any guy who comes along out of desperation that if you give him sex he will stay around- A good man will hang out with YOU without sex - sex should come later...Date as if you do not have a child as if you are courting....
Nearly all men think that single mothers got into that position because they were loose young woman or divorced woman who have baggage...Like I said...Don't make YOUR child a focus of conversation....or attempt to introduce the man to the child pre-maturely....it's not needed - If the man seems serious- then make an introduction
In my experience..When I meet the mother of my children..She was freshly divorced with a toddler..It was hard to except another man's child...I did my best and NEVER did I expect for this child as they grew to call me father or dad- He has a father and the only father you really have is the NATURAL father.. The father of my wife used to say that his daughter related to her son like a child relates to a teddy bear.. I was always a second class citizen the home.
It took the birth of my daughter- then another daughter - then a son to even out these dynamics...The oldest son..is now in his early thirties - He refers to me as "pops" - as for his real father- The man turned out to be a total jerk- I never set this young man against his natural father...In fact years ago..The boys father was severely burned- No one wanted him around- I brought the dad into my home and personally nursed the guy..because he was the father of my eldest step son....
This boy who was not mine- now lives 12 thousand miles away - He is the most loyal- the most respectful...now he has become a father to a child in Cyprus...and is raising two teenage boys from his wifes first marriage...He is a good man...BUT I guess that I must have set a good example- It was not easy raising another;s son- I don't suggest it to the faint of heart.
That's my story...as for his real father- the child as they mature will make their own decisions regarding how they feel about them- Never bad mouth the father or mother of a step child....
I do admit that it was difficult- The mother of my children was a stubborn and willful person to a fault..and did use offspring as a control over me...But _ put in the 27 years - and stuck it out- which was the right thing to do- You make your bed - you sleep in it---I was never first in her life..nor would I ever have been- I stayed because I was a dutiful protective father...I do realize what this woman's defect was- It was disloyalty - Her mother was the same way...like puppies that follow anyone that flatters them or pats them on the head...personally - I do not seek the approval of anyone...
My father who was going through a difficult time and appeared to be the bad guy was at times abused and humiliated by my mother who was successful and full of arrogance and pride...I remember my father weeping and saying "I don't live for 300 years" In other words life is to short to suffer abuse...Treat each other with respect...and the rest will fall into place- including the kids...Kids need to see an example of civility- not some constant power play.
Beware the contentious wife.......or husband.....This is biblical contention means that you are in a state of contest...of competition with your spouse- This leads to failure and a waste of life- Partner means just that- a united company- that thrives- and the product of that company are offspring- they are the thing of value- the reward...the real wealth.
Interesting story. My dad married my mom and she was a single mom of a boy. He never accepted my brother at all. He was very mean to him and would not allow him to mention that he wasn't his "real son". There were a lot of things that went on that my mom allowed to happen because she was so scared to do it on her own and financially could not. She essentially let this man(that she thought she loved) abuse her son(emotionally, verbally, physically) and to boot not allow him to even talk about his real father. Growing up I had no idea he was my half-brother. Not until I was 16 and my mom finally told us. But my dad never accepted her son at all. He treated me and my sisters much differently and though he financially supported my brother(my brother always went to private schools and my dad was even willing to pay for my brothers college education) it was obvious that he didn't accept him as his own. My mom feels guilty about it to this day. Unfortunately I've seen mixtures of this happening(the parent not accepting the other parent's child) with some single parents that remarry. Or I've seen something like what happened to you, happen when single parents get remarried. It def. isn't for the faint heart.
On the other side, my so's mom was a single mom of two, and married my "so's" dad. My "so's" dad stepped up to the plate and took care of these two children(that weren't his) as well as his own kids. He is a great man and a great father.
Dating/marrying a single parent isn't for everyone.
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