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Old 07-26-2012, 05:34 PM
 
12 posts, read 49,759 times
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I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:38 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
26,877 posts, read 57,944,657 times
Reputation: 29313
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying
thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.
(although I have two children myself)
It probably has something to do with knowing that almost all successful second
marriages somehow involve "blending" even if custody isn't shared.

Quote:
Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it?
I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
These are mostly likely perception issues.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:42 PM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,892,787 times
Reputation: 5308
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.

So it's not children that aren't meant for your lifestyle? Just children that aren't yours?

So you're a single mother who refuses to date single fathers?

Not saying it's right for them to be nasty about it, but it sure is confusing (hypocritical) and might rub single fathers the wrong way.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:51 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,208,085 times
Reputation: 13392
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
You want people to put up with your shyte, but you don't want to put up with theirs. It colors you as an ass. My brother was the same way. He had Chrohn's disease (very bad case) and would never consider dating anyone with a medical condition. I loved him, but he was an ass. Maybe it comes down to hypocrisy? We're all hypocrites to some degree, tho.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:57 PM
 
5,368 posts, read 5,723,589 times
Reputation: 7158
Women are more willing to date a man with kids then vice versa. Like I've seen women mess with guys who have 3,4,5 different Kids with several women
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Alexandria
472 posts, read 395,207 times
Reputation: 490
Cause they think their children are special and everyone should like them.

I will not date a man with kids..I should come first in his life cause I'm a selfish diva like that.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:19 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,819 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68644
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
Maybe it has something to do with how you word it (not to mention male pride). Experiment with the wording. Not that you owe them an explanation, really. But given the reactions you're getting, you might consider saying something like, "Please don't take this personally, but I'm looking for men without children. I don't feel I can handle more than my own two."

Or...not. Maybe nothing you could say would work. Just be glad they don't know where you live, haha.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:21 PM
 
1,262 posts, read 1,517,203 times
Reputation: 1126
Maybe it's not your message but your delivery. I think often times its the way something is communicated that people hear as opposed to what they say. If you say it in a very "quick and matter of fact" way it can come off as haughty and rude.

But if you voice this in a very direct, but tactful and courteous manner, maybe the response would be different.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,653 posts, read 7,268,107 times
Reputation: 3677
Because he feels you act like your better than him and that by you being a single parent also, he thinks, why would you turn him down when you are in a similar situation. Most second marriages or people with children will have to blend families.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,662 posts, read 25,357,307 times
Reputation: 5067
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeafChick View Post
Cause they think their children are special and everyone should like them.

I will not date a man with kids..I should come first in his life cause I'm a selfish diva like that.
When I dated I found when the woman had children I would never be #1 in their life as the children came first.
In a normal marriage a couple are #1 with each other, when children come along it is a shared responsibility together.
With single parents they will never have a normal relationship again.
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