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If he does come back and tries to work his way back into your life, tell him that you found Jesus. Have a bible handy and pick it up and start reading quotes. Hand him tracts. Just act like a religious nut, and he will run away from YOU. Problem solved.
Sorry about your Mom & Dad. You did the right thing. At court ask for an extension of the protection order. Have the things that you were afraid of listed, documented...it will help the Judge decide to keep him under the order of protection and keep him away from you for a year. Have the storage unit bills and hand to the judge to give to the guy. Don't look back after....You and your son can be each others support. You did the right thing. Be aware that an order for protection is an enforcer against you also....both parties if contacting each other can get charged. Here in N.D. first time he calls or breaks protection is a misdemeanor....any time after each contact is a C felony. Don't take calls, don't answer the door to him.... but document if he does these things and give to the police....Remember, you don't call him or contact him ever. Protection orders are taken very seriously these days. Move on w/ your life. Good luck on your new job, and hug that son of yours. Good job Mom
Very practical advice. I was concerned, myself, that he might try to come back at some point, and with the wrong intentions.
I'd also like to mention that your son needs to know that you have the good judgment and ability to keep him safe. I hope you two can find some brief counseling to recover from this intense experience. Or at least spend some time talking together about it, to process it.
I am 46 years old and my boyfriend is 38 years old. I don't know if my dismay with him is related to our age difference or if I'm just frustrated because of the impending death of my mother and losing both of my parents within a matter of a year or that this is the first Seattle-ite I've ever dated and thinking men from Seattle are like this and I have to get with the program. I met my boyfriend back in November online at Okcupid. I knew he had a then 10 year old son (he's now 11) but later on found out that his wife had literally just moved out (they were NOT divorced). He has a 15 year old son from a prior marriage that was really kind of scary (slovenly, fascinated with knives, really dirty to the point he not only smelled but would leave feces on toilet seats, etc.) while I have a 15 year old that is a star soccer player, honors student, has a schedule and is determined to go to college. We clicked but he was also raising his son alone (the 10 year old) and the 15 year old of his estranged wife. I looked past the fact that he had been unemployed for nearly two years because I respected that he was raising his sons alone (no help from his wife who just took off and left to be a “cannabis activist”). I was just a substitute teacher and struggling to make ends meet when we met but eventually found a full-time job back in February so I was ok with the fact he didn’t have a job because I felt he was looking for work and the economy is difficult. In May, he asked me for $1700 to pay his rent (because his unemployment ran out AND later on the medical marijuana business he had his product did not produce ( it is legal in Washington to grow it so I have tried to be open minded). That’s when thing went crazy. In June, he asked again but I did not have the money to give him and he was being evicted so I said he could stay with us. His wife came back (to finalize their divorce) and then since she was uncomfortable with me because I'm of another race (mind you she never graduated from high school, I'm a teacher with a masters degree, a well-behaved son and a volunteer at a senior center), she insisted her son that was not his biological son and not adopted by him move back in with her in July. I thought that was fine because honestly I don’t have room and as I later discovered, he is more of a friend to hi kids than an actual parent (absolutely NO discipline, a now 11 year old that eat when and what he wants, he curses, goes to bed at midnight and 1 in the morning, plays with knifes, etc. My fifteen year old is routinely in bed before his 11 year old and my son shakes his head when he hears the obscenities flow from this kids mouth). He moved into my home on June 28th months ago due to his financial problem (with yours truly paying for the uHaul van to move his things here because he had no money) and his telling me he had job interviews at Microsoft (second and third interviews) and I thought we were in love.
My son and I just can’t take his son, which I a shame because it’s not his fault but my boyfriend tell him NOTHING. I found out two weeks ago my mother is dying and I have to go to Nevada and I literally did not have the money to go because I have spent all of my extra cash on him. He tries to be very nice (help clean, is kind, offers back rubs, nice conversations, tells me he love me) but his son (because he literally will not go to bed, is obtrusive to the point that I was in the living room talking to the cardiologist who was telling me about the fact my mother is in a coma and the kid was watching television and I have to go outside on my patio to talk to family, friends, because he refuses to turn off the TV. At one point, I told him to please go into another room and he started talking back/trying to get into a discussion that he wanted to finish his video game. His dad didn’t tell him anything and later tried to make excuses for his son (i.e. he didn’t know my mom was dying, he doesn’t know how to behave in those situations, etc.).
The worst part is my boyfriend doesn’t seem to be looking for a job, I’m afraid to leave him in my house while I go to see and bury my mother because his son is so disrespectful (he also put a hole in the wall in his bedroom that I had to patch up but the worst part is he didn’t even tell me and I had to see it and ask “what is this”. He also broke the knob to my dryer, broke a light switch.
At one point, I sent flowers to my mother and didn’t have any money left for my next payday (because again, I finally started again) and he had the audacity to ask me for money to get the bus.
When I see him on the computer, he is usually playing video game or listening to YouTube and NOT looking for a job. Then he talks about jobs that he had applied for and I have taken him to three interviews in the month that he has lived here.
He pays no rent; he does have food assistance and buys food. He tried to have his stepson come over and that’s the only time I told him no, I can’t afford to have another person in the house but I can’t have him either. I keep thinking if he does find a job, then I shouldn’t throw him out now because I could use help but as it is not, I haven’t paid for things for my son, I’m struggling and the more I realize that I am basically keeping my mother alive artificially just so I can wait for my paycheck to go and see her, I get angry but I haven’t opened my mouth and get scared to say anything because I don’t have any family or relatives here and would have to tell him alone to leave. I also feel bad for his son because he’ probably not a bad kid but his father is too busy trying to be hi buddy and not a dad.
I am afraid of him though because of his cannabis connection and I’m scared because I let him in but he has paid NO rent and paid for NOTHING. He takes and takes and takes. I just want to mourn my mom and we feel like prisoners in our own house. Please help! How do I get him to get out and how do I approach it? He is a nice person and says he love me but I can’t afford to have two more “children” and his unruly, cursing, never sleeping, doesn’t shower or flush toilets or wash his hands, says more F bombs than a sailor 11 year old is scaring me, particularly because he plays with knifes and has his own knife. IN fact, the 11 year old was suspended from school for bringing a knife and his dad did NOTHING and acted like it was “just a knife” and the school overreacted.
You were generous to the wrong person unfortunately in this case. They are using your home as a flophouse. Helping someone to get on their feet is a noble thing, But here is the main part-That person should be thankful for the help and REALLY step up their game to get stable again. He is not parenting his son to boot so this makes it more stressful. You need to speak up here. This whole situation is out of control. I have heard other stories like this from the online dating world. Without getting off-topic, these sites sometimes create a false sense of intimacy, leading to things moving too fast with sometimes stories like these taking place. Best of luck dear!
If he does come back and tries to work his way back into your life, tell him that you found Jesus. Have a bible handy and pick it up and start reading quotes. Hand him tracts. Just act like a religious nut, and he will run away from YOU. Problem solved.
LOL over here - but this might actually be a great idea!
Glad to hear it worked out. I hope he gets a clue and leaves you alone...don't feel sorry for a grown-up who doesn't want to handle his responsibilities.
OP, I would love another update. Hope all is going well for you and your Son.
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