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Basically it goes like this...Do you believe woman will have better luck in finding and keeping her "Mr. Right" if she holds the sex? Men what do you think? Would you wait for that woman or would you move to the next one willing to give it up the first night?
Again just wondering....
OP, you're probably very young. Just give it a couple of years and you'll no longer have to worry about this kind of stuff. You'll realize how precious time is.
The truth is a small minority of man get all the sex, and the rest of men go without sex, or maybe a handful of hookups, or long LTR's without cheating. Majority of men don't care about about "experimenting" as its in grained in them to settle down with a optimanl mate for them, even at a younger age. Not saying necessarily marriage, but perhaps a long LTR. The other guys (small minority) who have many options do not settle down, because its fun playing women. So women tend to do most of the experimenting while ignoring the men who want a strong and loving relationship (most men in their 20s). And no, men do not ignore the "geeky", "ugly", or "fat' girl at all, because there are also many guys in the same boat, so those women get can get swept up early. So it doesn't go both ways, and I am sure men don't want a virgin, they just do not want a woman who might have a long sexual pass be difficult and play this silly waiting game with them. It shows how little she thinks of the man, i.e. he's a safety net in life, thats all (speaking about people in their late 20s, early 30s looking to settle down) Beyond that scenario, I say the quicker the better if both parties are looking just for fun.
So this waiting for a certain amount of time is silly, especially in adults, and even more for men. The men should remove the mindset of "good girl" or "bad girl" based on the amount of time it takes to get to the goods, it will be in their benefit. Just sit back and enjoy the sex, but realize its just a game. The sex you had to work hard for, and pay with dates is something she might have given men before in minutes of meeting them. Beware of shaming language such as "im mature now" or "I had time to grow" or other things that show disrespect to you. What they are saying is," I gave all the fun and exciting sex to men in the past, but for you, you gotta break your back baby!" I say ulimately, its the vibe one gets after sex and if it vibrates with your own morals over time and if they feel comfortable with this setup. The only time were waiting might be beneficial are people in their early 20s were you develop a personality trait that you will carry with you for the rest of your life.
So ladies, what I'm saying is that if you like a guy, want to date him, but aren't ready for sex, make sure to pay your own way. He'll probably really appreciate this and stick around. 90 days (or however many days) won't feel like a waste of time to him at all.
That's fine. I would rather pay my own way and not have guys expect sex before I'm ready.
Ok I can't read this whole thread but I saw this video today and thought it offered a relevant perspective. While it sounds a bit oversimplified (and it's a little long) the main idea is that by saying "no" to sex early on and having some expectations or things that you "want" out of the relationship before you will take that step you actually allow the guy to start thinking of you as more than a sexual conquest and engage the emotional side of his brain which may help the process of falling in love or building strong feelings not based purely on physical attraction and sex drive.
I apologize for coming in late as some of this may have already been discussed. Don't hate.
Ok I can't read this whole thread but I saw this video today and thought it offered a relevant perspective. While it sounds a bit oversimplified (and it's a little long) the main idea is that by saying "no" to sex early on and having some expectations or things that you "want" out of the relationship before you will take that step you actually allow the guy to start thinking of you as more than a sexual conquest and engage the emotional side of his brain which may help the process of falling in love or building strong feelings not based purely on physical attraction and sex drive.
I apologize for coming in late as some of this may have already been discussed. Don't hate.
He's very right about the way men and women's brains are wired, so many different sources discuss that men's brains are compartmentalized while women's are not. Sometimes I think I might enjoy a man's brain for a while, if only to think about one thing at a time, instead of the 50 thoughts whirling through my brain at any moment.
I liked the part where he said that a man who is looking for a commitment and relationship won't be scared off by waiting. (He didn't define how long that wait is, because of course it varies from person to person.) I don't know if, out in the real world, men and women are really this calculating though. I've needed some sort of dating commitment to proceed further, but I've always gone with how I felt rather than a prescribed time or conversation about sex.
Wow, I feel like we women are all talking to brick walls....
Ok, I'll try again......
Most of the men on this thread keep talking about "women making them wait" (which IS what the OP asked about, I guess)
but what WE women are talking about is...
OURSELVES wanting to wait!! (Not MAKING the guys wait.) It's not a 'game' or anything!
(And I'm not talking about 90 days or anything. It might be 71 days... it might be 8 months! )
WE WANT to wait and get to know the man better, before jumping into bed.
If we jump into bed with him right away, before really getting to know him, we might find out in a few weeks or
a few months that he isn't really our type, or he's a jerk, or controlling, or WHATEVER.
And we don't WANT to have slept with a jerk! or whatever he is! It feels HORRIBLE!!!!
WE don't enjoy lots of notches on the bedpost!! (Like you guys seem to )
And another thing, once you sleep with a guy, sometimes he starts thinking he owns you!
so if and when you want out, he may become controlling and scary!!
We are doing the waiting FOR our OWN safety and sanity... NOT to 'punish' men!!! Geez!
HOW are we supposed to figure out who's a jerk and who's not, in a few short days or weeks??
So give us some %#&@* credit for being sensible!!
Ok I can't read this whole thread but I saw this video today and thought it offered a relevant perspective. While it sounds a bit oversimplified (and it's a little long) the main idea is that by saying "no" to sex early on and having some expectations or things that you "want" out of the relationship before you will take that step you actually allow the guy to start thinking of you as more than a sexual conquest and engage the emotional side of his brain which may help the process of falling in love or building strong feelings not based purely on physical attraction and sex drive.
I apologize for coming in late as some of this may have already been discussed. Don't hate.
I didnt realize that this would have such an amazing response from so many different views and outlooks. I loved reading them even if i didnt agree some of the things said I never really thought of. But I watched the vid and it is interesting. Men fall in a different way I feel like if we as women give ourseleves the chance to explore a new relationship without having sex so quickly we would give them the chance to see us for us. 90 days is not for everyone grant it but if you like him hold it and see if he REALLY feels the same
Flatlander52...I totally agree with you. While reading through all the posts its clear most of everyone is hung up on "90 days" using sex as a weapon or whatever....
Basically it goes like this...Do you believe woman will have better luck in finding and keeping her "Mr. Right" if she holds the sex? Men what do you think? Would you wait for that woman or would you move to the next one willing to give it up the first night?
Again just wondering....
it's a nonsense idea because a woman does not technically become your GF until you've had sex anyway.
No, because there is technically no way she could "hold the sex", unless she was the last woman on Earth. She might be able to hold the sex in terms of the 90 day probation-guy she is with, but if or when he wants to have sex minus whatever twisted and warped little 90 day game she decides to play - all he has to do is have sex with another woman.
Likewise, all you have to do is buy another sandwich next time and/or buy two sandwiches. Just request cheese on both and make it happen.
I agree that it's unnatural if you are saying that you'll wait 90 days just because, though.
Personally, I don't think I would be uncomfortable jumping in before two months. That's always been my rule. Conversely, waiting more than a year is... yeah...
There are people who just bang on the first date. Longest I've ever heard of waiting (not including the exclusively marriage ones) was two and a half years. This was only in 2008-2011. Considering you see each other every single day and talk on the phone, yikes! That was one patient guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
Sadly, I think this is the way a lot of men feel... I've been told that up front by a few guys. If I pay, you're putting out.
I always pay my own way, I don't want to put myself in a situation where sex would be 'expected.
I've heard of this many times over, and I still think it's messy. I've been in situations where we just stopped eating out after the first two times and would split the bill afterwards. What happens if your girl happens to be unemployed or something? Are we expected to just not date? Maybe it's not such a secret why so many low-income women pop young and unmarried? They don't have money to pay for their dates. So we have to bang to get food, theme parks, and movies. I'd rather be a sugar baby.
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(Like you guys seem to )
