I just was left by my husband. Need Advice! (dating, men, younger) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

displaced1 · 10-02-2007, 08:06 PM

I am new to this board. I was just left by my husband. I thought I was doing everything right. Even gave up my friends for him because he did not like them. (For no reason.) I am getting older and it is hard to find nice men. I can't believe I was blinded by his bull. I am also in debt now. Does anyone have any thoughts are similar situations?

christina0001 · 10-02-2007, 08:09 PM

Do whatever it takes to get rid of the debt. If he left any possessions behind, I would sell them ASAP and swear on a stack of Bibles that I had no idea where they went.
It can be hard to find a good man...but is it really necessary for you to be in a relationship? If Mr. Right comes along eventually, great. But focus on living life for yourself, following your values, renewing lost friendships and creating new ones.

yellowsnow · 10-02-2007, 08:27 PM

I disagree with Christina. I believe you should amass as much cash as possible and put it someplace safe where the STBX can never find it. It's quite possible he may get the bills in a divorce. Cash is king for you right now. And don't be telling anyone you have it!

Get some good advice from people who aren't emotionally involved. You probably aren't capable of making good decisions right now. Protect yourself the best you can.

Try to remember things will get better. You will be happy again and life will go on. Don't worry about new men. Worry about getting rid of the loser who just dumped you.

Sgoldie · 10-02-2007, 08:58 PM

I think it's harder when you're the one who was left. Personally, I tossed mine out. He did completely clean me out of a substantial sum and all assets but didn't leave me in debt.

Sit down, take a deep breathe, and yell out "yeah for me!" and pat yourself on the back. You're rid of the bum now. Don't you realize how lucky you are?

Don't worry about getting older, you can still have fun as long as you're breathing. I did an do. Rejoin your friends, take up activities you've always wanted to, get out and see things. I've dated more men in my 50's than I ever did when younger. They're out there.

You can work on the debt, they don't shoot debtors anymore. Just put together a budget and assess your situation to see if you need to downsize, which I highly suggest. The worst part for me was filling out forms when I had to put down who to contact in an emergency, that took quite a bit of pondering.

taylor400 · 10-03-2007, 09:01 AM

I think you should consult a lawyer ASAP and go from there. Good luck.

dixierox · 10-03-2007, 09:43 AM

Depending on what state you live in (community property or not) will really determine how much debt you will have after the divorce. In a community property state you will divorce each other but not the debt. If one files Bankruptcy, the other is left with everything, regardless of what the decree says.
I would say to hide as much cash as you can as well.
Time to reinvent yourself and take this opportunity to live YOUR life, not his!

CityGirl72 · 10-03-2007, 10:24 AM

You don't need a good man to be happy - get your life and finances together.

Be happy with who you are before comitting to any other relationship. The best times of my life were after a divorce when I was not with anyone for nearly two years.

cremebrulee · 10-03-2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taylor400

I think you should consult a lawyer ASAP and go from there. Good luck.

Yes, seek out legal advice, then a good professional counselor...go to a church and ask a pastor for a good counselor...not one that tells you to pray to God to fix it, but one who will actually tell you like it is.

songinthewind7 · 10-03-2007, 06:09 PM

Pull yourself together by getting back together with your friends and have fun.
Don't worry about being in another relationship right now. That will come with time and there are a lot of people right now in your age group dating.
Above all, get out of debt and be happy he left you. He's a loser.

christina0001 · 10-03-2007, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

I disagree with Christina. I believe you should amass as much cash as possible and put it someplace safe where the STBX can never find it. It's quite possible he may get the bills in a divorce. Cash is king for you right now. And don't be telling anyone you have it!

Much better idea, I completely agree.