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I think people get way too uptight about this. Pick up the phone and call them and have an actual conversation so you can discuss things. It's hard to do this via text or email. I picked the place on a recent first date because he was in my area and didn't know the restaurants or bars around me. In general, if they're coming out to my area, I step up and take over the planning if they're at all unsure. After all, I know the area.
In general, I always make sure to tell the guy I'm seeing what kind of foods and places I like. I make sure that there are a few specific examples, but let them know I'm open to trying new things too. You have to give people some footholds a lot of times.
A spontaneous guy? That's fine, but I want to know if I'm going to be dressed appropriately. Also, is it really THAT constraining to rein in your "spontaneous" impulses to accommodate the woman you're meeting for the first time by letting her know where you're going? Many women are uncomfortable with the idea of meeting a strange man without knowing what is on the agenda.
I think people get way too uptight about this. Pick up the phone and call them and have an actual conversation so you can discuss things. It's hard to do this via text or email. I picked the place on a recent first date because he was in my area and didn't know the restaurants or bars around me. In general, if they're coming out to my area, I step up and take over the planning if they're at all unsure. After all, I know the area.
In general, I always make sure to tell the guy I'm seeing what kind of foods and places I like. I make sure that there are a few specific examples, but let them know I'm open to trying new things too. You have to give people some footholds a lot of times.
A spontaneous guy? That's fine, but I want to know if I'm going to be dressed appropriately. Also, is it really THAT constraining to rein in your "spontaneous" impulses to accommodate the woman you're meeting for the first time by letting her know where you're going? Many women are uncomfortable with the idea of meeting a strange man without knowing what is on the agenda.
^^this^^
Maybe I am uptight, or OCD is more like it LOL!! but really, I think is rude for the other person to expect me to just sit and wait until he decides to show up, or call me a 3pm and wants to meet at 5pm without having mentioned anything up until that point.
He's hoping you have a favourite place, or a favourite style of food, favourite movie, type of music, and he's hoping you're going to give him a break and tell him what you'd like to do and where you'd like to go in case you don't like what he picks.
Give the guy a break.
My suggestion, instead of moaning about it, give him a call and say something like "you know what, we're going out on (.....), there's a great movie I'd like to see, maybe afterwards we could get some food. Do you like (......)"
You're looking to date with the intention of establishing a relationship. Relationships require both parties to work at it, so start now.
Heed your own advice and make an effort yourself
He's hoping you have a favourite place, or a favourite style of food, favourite movie, type of music, and he's hoping you're going to give him a break and tell him what you'd like to do and where you'd like to go in case you don't like what he picks.
Give the guy a break.
My suggestion, instead of moaning about it, give him a call and say something like "you know what, we're going out on (.....), there's a great movie I'd like to see, maybe afterwards we could get some food. Do you like (......)"
Moaning about it? well, I guess I could just take charge of the entire situation, and do it all, everytime, and if he doesn't like it, tough luck... I won't be moaning about it and I'll get what I want, eat what I want, drink what I want, and have my own fun and he can deal with it
Well, you have the option of forgetting about him, if it's upsetting you...
Of course, but I do want to get the chance to get to know him, he is attractive, and seemed nice the few time we talked, but without the actual face-to-face meet, I'll never know...
Another vote for picking up the phone and just talking. Texting back and forth endlessly, waiting for replies, and dragging it out for days can be solved with one phone call. Real simple.
No, not take charge, but take some sort of initiative.
My guess is that the guy's floundering a little.
Throw him a rope and see if he rescues himself or hangs himself with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by valeeighty2
Moaning about it? well, I guess I could just take charge of the entire situation, and do it all, everytime, and if he doesn't like it, tough luck... I won't be moaning about it and I'll get what I want, eat what I want, drink what I want, and have my own fun and he can deal with it
I do not agree with you... it is not ONLY the guy's responsibility to plan for dates... it is the responsability of the person asking you out on a date.
For example: YOU aske me out, then YOU are responsible to make plans. if I ask you out, I am respondible to make plans...
but YOU are not responsible ALL the time... that is just dumn on the other's part for waiting on you all the time, and rude on yours for assuming he/she is not capable of planning something for the two of you.
JMHO...
We'll agree to disagree, and im perfectly cool with that. Considering, 95% of the time its the guy that approaches and asks out anyhow, just like it happened in your scenario, i think youll see it play out the way i describe it anyhow. THere is nothing wrong with a woman making suggestions or making plans for a date, somehwere down the line in dating - its something id actualy advise for any couple, but early on, when the man initiates - he needs to take on his role as a leader, someone assertive, a guy with a plan and ultimately someone that women can look up to. Because no woman I know, want a wishy washy dude, who has no idea what he wants or how to get it.
Another vote for picking up the phone and just talking. Texting back and forth endlessly, waiting for replies, and dragging it out for days can be solved with one phone call. Real simple.
hmmm... I did not realize I had made it sound like all we did was text... we did talk, on the phone, and the conversation that took place is what I had described.
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