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I approached a guy, then he told me he was married. He (not me) suggested that we be friends, and now he wants to hang around and flirt with each other. This has been going on for months. Forget me, I'm wondering why the hell he's doing this.
I'm starting to think he thinks he's doing me a favor.
Sadly, yes.
But a word is never uttered about it!
Not to downplay your feelings, but at least he told you that he was married. Don't flirt back if he continues.
Either he is being nice and trying to boost your ego because he really likes you as a friend
OR
he's testing the waters to see if you are someone who would go along with cheating
Only you can tell us which one it really is - you know him, we don't!
I keep seeing the boosting of ego as a reason for flirting. Why? Is like a pity flirt? I mean, I don't understand flirting to boost someone's ego, unless you think that it needs to be boosted bc that person is homely. He's prolly testing the water.
Good rule of thumb. If you wouldn't do it or say it without your S/O standing next to you, then you've gone from harmless chitchat to something a great deal more dangerous.
This^. and I personally feel flirting with someone else when you are in a relationship is disrespectful. The OTHER persaon is probably thinking that you really WANT to screw them, etc. I know how I feel when someone elses man is hitting on me. I feel like that guy is a pig, and has no respect for his woman. That is how guys who flirt who are taken come off to me. I would find it embarrassing.
I can see where the OP bc you can like the person and then you're let down if they have someone.
This is why flirting with the same person regularly if the flirter has an SO seems dangerous to me. The flirter is kind of using the other person for their own ego boost, without thinking that the flirtee may be developing a genuine interest in and feelings for the flirter. But some people don't think of that, they're just thinking about the charge to their ego. If it's an older man or woman, they may be using someone younger to prove that they've still got what it takes. And they think flirting is a harmless way to get that feedback about themselves. But sometimes they're wrong, it's not harmless.
Back to the OP, friends don't flirt. It seems like this guy is using you, this is feeling somehow vaguely predatory, or something. (Hard to tell without being there.) Maybe he likes you and enjoys talking to you, maybe it's actually on the level, but you're not comfortable with some aspect of it.
oops, just read one of the OP's post, previous page. So this guy is flirting to the point that you're getting "hot and bothered"? OK, that's not appropriate. He's playing a game, "Let's see how far we can push this while pretending nothing's going on" is the name of the game. It's insidious and manipulative.
Either confront him, and say no more friends, or take evasive action if possible. I hope this isn't a work situation.
This is why flirting with the same person regularly if the flirter has an SO seems dangerous to me. The flirter is kind of using the other person for their own ego boost, without thinking that the flirtee may be developing a genuine interest in and feelings for the flirter. But some people don't think of that, they're just thinking about the charge to their ego. If it's an older man or woman, they may be using someone younger to prove that they've still got what it takes. And they think flirting is a harmless way to get that feedback about themselves. But sometimes they're wrong, it's not harmless.
Back to the OP, friends don't flirt. It seems like this guy is using you, this is feeling somehow vaguely predatory, or something. (Hard to tell without being there.) Maybe he likes you and enjoys talking to you, maybe it's actually on the level, but you're not comfortable with some aspect of it. People, married and single, sometimes take a shine to interesting people, or perky people, and do just want to be friends. (In cases like that, I always try to meet the wife. Find a pretext to meet the wife, to make sure it's on the level.)
What do you think, OP?
I think that's a good post.
Meet the wife though? Uhh, no. I'd be way too sick with envy. I'd rather just disappear and forget being friends.
Please tell me what you think of this, dear C-D members.
I have seen people who are happy in their relationship who flirt with others. The only explanation I have for this is that they enjoy the ego boost or the thrill of just playing with fire, even though they have no desire or intentions whatsoever to cheat.
What do you think?
I think there are more important issues to think about in life than concerning myself with others' conversations, whatever their motivations.
I would never do anything that could be taken as being disrespectful to my SO - either by him or anyone who else.
I don't think I would feel good if someone came up to me and said they saw him out with friends flirting with women. Actually, there is no "think" about it, I would be displeased.
Maybe it's because the island is so small, you are always seen by someone you know.
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