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I'm looking for genuine advice, not comments that are designed to take jabs at me. Criticism is fine, as long as it is constructive.
I'm lost. A lost being, that's what I am. Doing what I am, being what I do.
I'm, not lonely, but starved for a particular type of attention. You'd think I think I have the right for it, I know I don't.
I'm not perfect. Not in my own eyes. In my own eyes, I'm a humanly mixture of good and evil. My perfect self conception ended when I was able to think. I must have been around 10, the first time I thought, not merely remembered.
I never knew perfect. People grow up thinking perfect is within them, I knew it wasn't within me. From the very first day of my thinking life, I knew I'd never achieve perfection.
I know my position, relative to women, at least I hope I do. In my life, there exists a huge gap. In the past, I've bridged that gap with various substitutes...drugs, sex, music, physics, philosophy, religion, race...so many empty things. Such emptiness.
I found out that perhaps it is possible for someone to love me for who I am. The bad. The good. It's weird, thinking I have a good side, seeing as I have not a perfect one. And what is good if not perfect? And what is perfect if not good?
That fills the gap...but not many love me. Truthfully, I'm not too concerned about that now, perhaps in the future the fact that I'm unlovable will grate on me more, but at this stage in my life, it's almost preffered that I'm not loved by many, for the few who do, it makes them easy to spot.
But, I'm running out. The more I retreat into myself, the more I don't think I'll ever find the girl. A part of me thinks that I don't need her. The more rational me thinks I'll do something stupid if I don't meet her soon.
I guess I'm impatient. Who am I to demand love? I'm nobody, just another soul in another body, among 6.5 billion.
I walk this earth alone, lost.
I don't even know what responses I'm looking for. Maybe just empathy...'yeah, I've been there'.
You do sound like you are depressed, and the i may do something stupid if i dont find her soon, is really disturbing for obvious reasons. You are a perfectionist and its really easy to get caught up in not accepting yourself becasue of it. Yry 10 minutes of meditation every day, where you think of completely nothingbut focus on your breathing. Disconnect yourself from your thoughts and voices in your head. Realise, that alot of time its just jibberish that would never pass a logical test. Kick all negative thoughts to the curb, focus on positives. See a therapist.
First, lose the idea of perfection. No one is perfect, no one will ever be perfect. Self improvement is fine, but it takes work. You don't wake up one day and say I'm changing, snap your fingers and it's done. It takes persistent effort. Your goal shouldn't be perfection, it should look more like an outline of where you are and where you want to be. Recognize what is important to you and then live your life in pursuit of those values. Don't beat yourself up because you aren't perfect or can't find love or can't fill gaps.
I would encourage you to get out more, network, make new friends. Often, you can meet someone through mutual friends and acquaintences, social functions, events, etc. The more you get out, the greater your odds of meeting someone.
I'm looking for genuine advice, not comments that are designed to take jabs at me. Criticism is fine, as long as it is constructive.
I'm lost. A lost being, that's what I am. Doing what I am, being what I do.
I'm, not lonely, but starved for a particular type of attention. You'd think I think I have the right for it, I know I don't.
I'm not perfect. Not in my own eyes. In my own eyes, I'm a humanly mixture of good and evil. My perfect self conception ended when I was able to think. I must have been around 10, the first time I thought, not merely remembered.
I never knew perfect. People grow up thinking perfect is within them, I knew it wasn't within me. From the very first day of my thinking life, I knew I'd never achieve perfection.
I know my position, relative to women, at least I hope I do. In my life, there exists a huge gap. In the past, I've bridged that gap with various substitutes...drugs, sex, music, physics, philosophy, religion, race...so many empty things. Such emptiness.
I found out that perhaps it is possible for someone to love me for who I am. The bad. The good. It's weird, thinking I have a good side, seeing as I have not a perfect one. And what is good if not perfect? And what is perfect if not good?
That fills the gap...but not many love me. Truthfully, I'm not too concerned about that now, perhaps in the future the fact that I'm unlovable will grate on me more, but at this stage in my life, it's almost preffered that I'm not loved by many, for the few who do, it makes them easy to spot.
But, I'm running out. The more I retreat into myself, the more I don't think I'll ever find the girl. A part of me thinks that I don't need her. The more rational me thinks I'll do something stupid if I don't meet her soon.
I guess I'm impatient. Who am I to demand love? I'm nobody, just another soul in another body, among 6.5 billion.
I walk this earth alone, lost.
I don't even know what responses I'm looking for. Maybe just empathy...'yeah, I've been there'.
Feeling lost is SUCH a lonely feeling
But good for you for speaking out and being open to learning about what you can do to change things.
Since you asked for opinions, here is mine...
First of all, there are no perfect people in this life - NONE.
So quit bemoaning the fact that you aren't! That's a waste of good energy.
Next, I believe you are so "empty" because you are too self absorbed.
Of all the fillers you listed that you've tried you mentioned religion. Instead of religion, you should have just tried God
When you make a conscious choice to be less full of yourself (less self-absorbed) God can step in to fill you up.
This means that instead of focusing so much on yourself, you start to focus on life and people around you.
You have to get out of your own head and start doing more - volunteer, get physically active, phone someone who's life is even more lonely than yours and brighten their day.
You simply have to start looking for opportunities to serve others to stop this bad habit you've developed of being so self-serving (drugs, random sex, etc).
When you do that, you'll see an improvement in how you feel almost immediately.
And the longer you do it, the more interesting you become as a person.
The more interesting you become as a person, the more women will take notice of you.
The more women who take notice of you means, the RIGHT woman will find you.
I wish you all the best on this journey my friend. Please begin it today!
dubb dubb II..."for the few who do, it makes them easy to spot"...what does this mean? Does it mean that you've turned away from other souls who WOULD love you?, and if so, why?
I'm looking for genuine advice, not comments that are designed to take jabs at me. Criticism is fine, as long as it is constructive.
I'm lost. A lost being, that's what I am. Doing what I am, being what I do.
I'm, not lonely, but starved for a particular type of attention. You'd think I think I have the right for it, I know I don't.
I'm not perfect. Not in my own eyes. In my own eyes, I'm a humanly mixture of good and evil. My perfect self conception ended when I was able to think. I must have been around 10, the first time I thought, not merely remembered.
I never knew perfect. People grow up thinking perfect is within them, I knew it wasn't within me. From the very first day of my thinking life, I knew I'd never achieve perfection.
I know my position, relative to women, at least I hope I do. In my life, there exists a huge gap. In the past, I've bridged that gap with various substitutes...drugs, sex, music, physics, philosophy, religion, race...so many empty things. Such emptiness.
I found out that perhaps it is possible for someone to love me for who I am. The bad. The good. It's weird, thinking I have a good side, seeing as I have not a perfect one. And what is good if not perfect? And what is perfect if not good?
That fills the gap...but not many love me. Truthfully, I'm not too concerned about that now, perhaps in the future the fact that I'm unlovable will grate on me more, but at this stage in my life, it's almost preffered that I'm not loved by many, for the few who do, it makes them easy to spot.
But, I'm running out. The more I retreat into myself, the more I don't think I'll ever find the girl. A part of me thinks that I don't need her. The more rational me thinks I'll do something stupid if I don't meet her soon.
I guess I'm impatient. Who am I to demand love? I'm nobody, just another soul in another body, among 6.5 billion.
I walk this earth alone, lost.
I don't even know what responses I'm looking for. Maybe just empathy...'yeah, I've been there'.
What an eloquently written post....seriously. I think you sound like an introvert, & introverts do retreat into themselves, while questioning what it's all about. So you're a deep person- your match is out there, somewhere. You gotta have Faith that she's on her way to you. Just don't get overwhelmed, in the meantime. I know you said you've tried to "bridge the gap" with music, drugs, sex, etc. That perspective has to change. Try to actually enjoy your time, now...really throwing yourself into whatever your passion is. And then, when you least expect it, she'll arrive.
Believe it or not, this isn't actually the answer for every post on this thread.
Dub, honey, you are too much in your head.
You need to look outward for a change, and "do" for others. Read what lovesmtns wrote. You need to SHOW love (humanly, not necessarily romantic) for others by doing for others and get your mind off yourself.
I would suggest you get off the computer and take up a hobby or a personal challenge.
Last edited by 1208; 08-13-2012 at 05:59 PM..
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