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[quote=thelostsouls;1714947]Ok well I talked to the wife last night face to face. She tried to scold me but ceased after I affirmated the fact that I am not ignoring her. She tried to scold you because you are ignoring her. Isn't she the one who wants the divorce?
She asked me for a hug and I accepted.
Are you kidding me?
She's going to NC right after christmas to visit one of her friends. She's not telling her mother, because apparently her mother swore her never to go back to NC.... (right...) Whatever. Again I have to ask how much is her mom controlling her? Her mom will always be a thorn in her side until she grows up and confronts her mom and tells her it is her life not her mothers.
We're breaking the lease in Nov and have to be out of the apartment by Dec 1st. The loan covers most of the cost, and i'm not responsible for a cent of it. Good. I would suggest in Nov make a clean break and start a new life without her.
...and she said she's leary of the "D" word. To me, she was acting as though she wants to take the divorce very slow.
I think she is trying to milk you for everything she can get by playing on your emotions. The very slow divorce I would not be suprised if the MIL was behind it.
she wants to spend more time together and date me - Seriously date me (meaning she's not closed-minded about her love for me, or lack thereof). We might do breakfast in this morning after her meeting, but Im tired and I dont know if she'll call.... or if I will answer. Sticking to the plan, folks =).
ok. time for a nap. Im tired from busting my butt at work. Wish me luck as
Date.....?????????? Seriously I would just stamp Door mat wipe here on your forehead. Please wake up cut it off with her unless you want to be emotionally abused by her because that is what she is doing to you.
She wants to divorce you but she wants to date you and have you hug her and so on. That is usually a trick men play on women I have to say... sorry guys.. If you do not take a stand for your self any woman you meet in the future has the potential to take advantage of you as well if they are that kind of person. Is that what you want in a relationship? To be the doormat? Sometimes the person we think we are suppose to be with isn't the right person.
I really don't get the dating thing, your seperated but she wants to date, what reason does she give for this? as long as you let her pull the strings this will continue. i would seperate the bank accounts asap. when you see her is she depressed as you are or does she seem fine? are you the only one suffering? are you willing to accept it if she dates other people? I know you love her but if I were you I would break all ties and let her think about it for awhile, I watched a situation just like this go on for three years, the person pulling the strings never suffered, the other suffered the whole time.
She wants to date me because she wants to fall in love with me again, she loves me, but she's not 'in love' with me. She seems depressed, although not as much as I. she already said she is not going to date other people. I made a sexual smart-ass joke and she laughed and replied; "Honey, it's gonna take you years to get into my pants"... whatever you think, she hates men right now, and I believe it.
I dont think you guys realize how hard this is for me. I've made a life-long commitment. how do I throw away the love of my life like it's nothing? How can I honestly do that? You guys act as though it's easy to cut the strings and move on. It isn't, unless you have some kind of miracle secret that makes it all better?
Ok well I talked to the wife last night face to face. She tried to scold me but ceased after I affirmated the fact that I am not ignoring her. She tried to scold you because you are ignoring her. Isn't she the one who wants the divorce?
She asked me for a hug and I accepted.
Are you kidding me?
She's going to NC right after christmas to visit one of her friends. She's not telling her mother, because apparently her mother swore her never to go back to NC.... (right...) Whatever. Again I have to ask how much is her mom controlling her? Her mom will always be a thorn in her side until she grows up and confronts her mom and tells her it is her life not her mothers.
We're breaking the lease in Nov and have to be out of the apartment by Dec 1st. The loan covers most of the cost, and i'm not responsible for a cent of it. Good. I would suggest in Nov make a clean break and start a new life without her.
...and she said she's leary of the "D" word. To me, she was acting as though she wants to take the divorce very slow.
I think she is trying to milk you for everything she can get by playing on your emotions. The very slow divorce I would not be suprised if the MIL was behind it.
she wants to spend more time together and date me - Seriously date me (meaning she's not closed-minded about her love for me, or lack thereof). We might do breakfast in this morning after her meeting, but Im tired and I dont know if she'll call.... or if I will answer. Sticking to the plan, folks =).
ok. time for a nap. Im tired from busting my butt at work. Wish me luck as
Date.....?????????? Seriously I would just stamp Door mat wipe here on your forehead. Please wake up cut it off with her unless you want to be emotionally abused by her because that is what she is doing to you.
She wants to divorce you but she wants to date you and have you hug her and so on. That is usually a trick men play on women I have to say... sorry guys.. If you do not take a stand for your self any woman you meet in the future has the potential to take advantage of you as well if they are that kind of person. Is that what you want in a relationship? To be the doormat? Sometimes the person we think we are suppose to be with isn't the right person.
I have to agree with Miborn. I think she wants to string you along; probably for money and maybe even to have something to fall back on in case she doesn't find someone else. She reminds me of someone I was engaged to many, many years ago. Long after we broke up, I said, "You know, we were never really a couple after the first year, why didn't you leave me then?" Her answer? "Because I couldn't afford it."
She knows that you love here but she wanted the Divorce and now she wants to date? I've sorry, you sound like a very nice young man, a lot like me when I was younger. I would just take crap at any expense.
Ultimately, it would be nice if you stayed together. But, she needs to understand that she cannot treat you like this and it sounds like she needs to grow up because she's not acting mature enough to be in a marital relationship.
I think if you show her that you will be happy without her, and that means NOT dating her and not paying any of her finances, that she may indeed come around. Otherwise, you are in for a long painful lesson my friend. Trust me, I've been there.
She wants to date me because she wants to fall in love with me again, she loves me, but she's not 'in love' with me. She seems depressed, although not as much as I. she already said she is not going to date other people. I made a sexual smart-ass joke and she laughed and replied; "Honey, it's gonna take you years to get into my pants"... whatever you think, she hates men right now, and I believe it.
I dont think you guys realize how hard this is for me. I've made a life-long commitment. how do I throw away the love of my life like it's nothing? How can I honestly do that? You guys act as though it's easy to cut the strings and move on. It isn't, unless you have some kind of miracle secret that makes it all better?
I hear you lostsouls. It's not easy to cut the strings; you did make a commitment and have lived up to that commitment. She has not, and now she is playing around with you. How can you be married to someone, say you want a divorce, and then talk about dating all within the same week? It's very odd behavior. She wants to eat her cake and have it too. There is no magic pill. It's HARD, but no harder than making a marriage work if BOTH PEOPLE are committed to that relationship. This appears to be a give/give situation on your part. What is she giving back to the relationship other than pain and heartache? I know it's hard. I lost several productive years of my youth pining away over a fiance' that broke up our relationship. I loved her dearly and let her walk on me like a doormat for several years. Now, I look back and see how foolish I was.
I made a sexual smart-ass joke and she laughed and replied; "Honey, it's gonna take you years to get into my pants"... Let me tell you about that statement as having used it yrs ago before I was married....
I would say that to guys that had a snowballs chance in h*ll of having a romantic relationship with me. They usually got the message.
I dont think you guys realize how hard this is for me.
I will guarantee that each and every one of us who are answering you have has such a relationship that broke up some more than one. But it is not the end of the world and as another said when you look back you too will think differently about it. Ya know like Ah I could of had a V8 kind of thing.
how do I throw away the love of my life like it's nothing? How can I honestly do that?
You only think she is the love of your life.. I guarantee when you met someonw who really loves you You will be so thankful you let this one go. Because your life will be richer than you could ever imagine.
You guys act as though it's easy to cut the strings and move on. It isn't, unless you have some kind of miracle secret that makes it all better? [/quote]
The secret we are stronger than allot of us give ourself credit for! Move on, buck up, get a hobby, join a club.
Value yourself. Know you deserve to be treated with love and respect because you deserve to be!
Last edited by Miborn; 10-12-2007 at 03:53 PM..
Reason: needed it to be all together
She wants to date me because she wants to fall in love with me again, she loves me, but she's not 'in love' with me. She seems depressed, although not as much as I. she already said she is not going to date other people. I made a sexual smart-ass joke and she laughed and replied; "Honey, it's gonna take you years to get into my pants"... whatever you think, she hates men right now, and I believe it.
I dont think you guys realize how hard this is for me. I've made a life-long commitment. how do I throw away the love of my life like it's nothing? How can I honestly do that? You guys act as though it's easy to cut the strings and move on. It isn't, unless you have some kind of miracle secret that makes it all better?
I'm not trying to get you to throw away your relationship, I'm trying to tell you how to take control of your life, right now you don't realize she is controling your life, if you continue to let her dictate what you do your relationship is doomed, You have to take control of your actions and not let her lead you by a leash, she wants to be single and date you, when she tells you she wants to go out for dinner tell her you have other plans, when she wants you to come over, don't. learn to call the shots, you decide when you will take her out or talk and don't be egar to do it, show her you are your own person and that you are not dependant on her.
Your being to easy, it's no challenge for her, you need to change that, you need her to think you are tired of this game and you wont play, if you don't this will continue forever, she will get tired of you being so easy and she will leave for anouther person.
Turn things around before it's to late, take a trip and get away for a week, get that bank account seperated, get your cell phone number changed. If you take control of your own life things will be much better for you if you end up single or get back together, when you let someone run all over you they have no respect for you and it wont get any better.
I'm trying to help you, I tried to help anouther person in the same situation, they wouldn't listen and suffered for 3 years before the person dumped them, now they are depressed and alone and wished they would have listened.
I see what you are saying, Roaddog. Every instinct tells me to bend over backwards for her, but indeed, that wouldn't be a challenge for her, and she does like challenges.
But I have a question: If I do play hardball, what happens if it has the opposite effect of what you were describing? What if she say 'he's not making an effort, so why should I?'.
Earlier today I told her to call me, she said I needed to call her aswell, that it's a two-way street. I'm not going to call her, but I get the feeling that I am damned if I do, damned if I dont - yanno?
What is she doing for your relationship, lost? You are doing everything, from what I have read. I have just been an onlooker.
You are going to be stuck in a sort of limbo with this forever, and she will be all too happy to allow it, just as long as you are doing everything to please her.
If BOTH of you truly love eachother, truly want to be with one another, different story. I dont see BOTH of you wanting that.
I feel badly for you. I have lost a relationship that was on for much longer, 16 years. my High school sweet heart. Total different situation, but I still loved him, but found that it was unhealthy to be with him any longer.
It took a while for me to make that final break, I had to get to where I could do it, where I was ready to do it on my own, and I dont think anyone here is trying to tell you what to do, only feeling for you, and offering up advise, that they think would work for you.
People understand that ultimately it is you that has to make the decision on what you do in your life. You put yourself out there, you chose a life partner. You are hurt. You cannot turn it off just like that, you cannot. But you will die inside loving her, and wanting her like this, without return of that feeling from her, eventually...you will be hurt so much more.
More than now, you may get to a point where you think you have her back, and in her game, she decides well, whatever, and goes about her way.
Now, we dont know her, only what you tell us, and the pain that radiates from your words.
The best of luck in everything to you....
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