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Old 08-22-2012, 11:31 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,151,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
They might not change, but they reveal their true colors after the ring and wedding.
I don't buy this either. I suppose a person can claim such a low IQ that they're just too dense to know who it is they're marrying, but that's a stretch.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Alexandria
464 posts, read 478,565 times
Reputation: 492
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
And what conditions would those be?
No Children at all. No exceptions.

If husband cheats = $$$ for me.

If we have pets, we shared joint custody.

Sex Schedule is a must.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:32 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,039,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
They might not change, but they reveal their true colors after the ring and wedding.
Neither my husband nor I changed after the wedding.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,406 posts, read 18,935,415 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
But you make my point...if you don't truly know someone, you have no business getting married. People jump into marriage so quickly these days because they view it as something that is temporary. I just wouldn't do that.



See and I don't feel like I need someone to sign a prenup to prove their intentions are honorable or that they are sincere.

If they have to sign a piece of paper to gain my trust, there are bigger issues there. I shouldn't have to rely on a legal document to prove that they are trustworthy. If I really felt I couldn't trust them without that document, I wouldn't get married.
Then YOU will never know someone that well, because it is impossible to tell how a person may change in the future. The 'bigger issue' is human nature and facing the reality that we are fluid beings and not chairs. Most people who divorce never think that they will, early in the relationship. The fact remains that fifty percent of us DO divorce, meaning you have a fifty fifty chance of ending up that way despite your good intentions and any psychic ability concerning the partner's state of mind at a point in time in the future.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:42 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,039,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain View Post
Then YOU will never know someone that well, because it is impossible to tell how a person may change in the future. The 'bigger issue' is human nature and facing the reality that we are fluid beings and not chairs. Most people who divorce never think that they will, early in the relationship. The fact remains that fifty percent of us DO divorce, meaning you have a fifty fifty chance of ending up that way despite your good intentions and any psychic ability concerning the partner's state of mind at a point in time in the future.
I agree with you there. But I still wouldn't ask for a prenup, I just wouldn't marry. Marriage is not the be-all, end-all of a happy life.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,406 posts, read 18,935,415 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
No, it takes knowing myself and the fact that my actions over the last 30-something years prove that. I have not lived a charmed life. I've been wronged before... I will just always choose the higher road.

Maybe you feel as though you would become some vindictive, seething person because of a divorce. I know I wouldn't. I've come before adversity before and I can walk away without turning into something I know I would despise.
Just pretend that you are the one who has suffered and strained and built up some wealth and your very wonderful partner just did not manage to do that. Your wonderful partner is promising you, before the marriage that he would never become a vindictive, seething person in case of a divorce. He would/could never turn into something he'd despise.

In your current mindset, you would trust him. Maybe not so much, when the divorce came, though.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:43 AM
 
1,304 posts, read 2,570,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
Neither my husband nor I changed after the wedding.
Great. But you wouldn't bet your life 100% that he won't change.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,449,819 times
Reputation: 10809
People do change. And people do grow apart. I've seen it, lived it, heard about it, and read about it. Even on here - especially on these forums! - every day.

Realize that if you marry, you already do have a prenup! It's the laws of the state you live in. And it's usually interpreted by a judge whose values may differ from your own.

Do you want the default prenup, or do YOU want to redefine how to interpret the laws in your state? Most people can do a better job of deciding what outcomes they'd want versus what the state will impose.

If you don't want one or don't believe in having one, then don't. However, if you eventually marry without one and the worst case happens, I hope you'll have the decency to not complain that you don't like the outcome!
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:46 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,972,596 times
Reputation: 20084
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
But you make my point...if you don't truly know someone, you have no business getting married. People jump into marriage so quickly these days because they view it as something that is temporary. I just wouldn't do that.
I think the point is that we never know our partners well enough to predict their (our) future. You can depend on blind faith, but that's the extent of it.


While I have objections to prenups, I would sign for someone worthy. The prenup would have to state that everything before marriage is separate and everything after marriage is 50/50. If it was greedy (you can't have what's mine), I wouldn't sign.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:46 AM
 
27,957 posts, read 39,682,605 times
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People don't change. They stay mostly the same throughout their lives.

No, true colors don't show post marriage. If you are shocked our surprised, you were not paying attention.

As far as pre-nups... There is an advantages in some cases. If there were assets to be protected, from pre-marriage, is the most common example.
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