Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What you seem to be missing is that, many here DO know the "reality of it all" and wouldn't want ANY other reality than the one they have with their kids
Look, we all know having children and being a parent is not for everyone.
Those that don't want them, shouldn't have them - those that do, who can invest the time and money in doing it well, should.
No reason to knock either group for their decisions.
The original question was 'do people change'. The implied follow to that is 'for better, or for worse'?
I think, for worse. I generally enjoy the company of childless people better than those with kids.
I agree, someone has to reproduce, but most are, and I don't think they consider the ramifications when they do. I think a lot of women just gush over the puppy stage of their kids, not appreciating the effort that doing a really good job will entail. I think a lot of people just find themselves pregnant and throw their hands up, which is really careless and dumb. Perhaps, most disgusting of all, some people actually have kids so someone will care for them in their old age.
Yeah, it's one of life's major forks in the road. If you're the single guy/gal in your mid-late 20's and all your friends are suddenly getting married, be prepared to no longer have anything in common with these people once the babies start arriving a year or two later. They'll still be your friends of course, but at the same time will fade into irrelevance in your day to day life because as I said, you'll have nothing in common any longer and will rarely ever see them anymore. This can put the single types in a tough spot as the situation basically dictates reshaping part or all of your social circle, which is easier for some than others. The worst thing you can do is make major life decisions like marriage and kids just because all your friends are doing it. Lots of people mess that one up and secretly pine away for their footloose and fancy-free days when their life was their own.
Which is what I am saying. I believe most women are in that rut, too, doing somehow what they 'should' be doing in a certain stage of life, creating future taxpayers.
I don't have you confused with anyone. I am not wealthy or even well-off. I simply have a far different set of priorities than you do. THAT is the difference.
From the activities that you listed, as I remember, you sure make more than that 40 something k that is the mid point of what families make in the US. That, or you have a rich uncle.
Please tell me where in my post I said you have no experience with kids and that's the reason you don't want them???
I said you have a very narrow view of what being a parent entails because you have no experience with it or how it would effect your life. A parallel argument would have been "I have no experience with cancer and therefore I can't possibly understand how that would effect my life". It's pretty sad that I even have to explain to you that your statement made absolutely no sense in rebuttal to my post.
I think my retort was fair and on target, maybe a bit extreme, but made a point. I'm not going back to read your old posts and then mine. This topic may be fun, but it's not my life's work. Maybe you guys with kids have more time on your hands than I figured.
Sometimes I wonder if they do change after marriage. In my experience, the men (in marriage or a relationship) seem charming, nice, kind, at first, till they get you where they want you. Then once they know they have you 'locked in' emotionally, BAM, they change. Either they become mean, abusive and/or the cheating becomes more visible. Again, this has only been my experiences. Then again, why would someone get involved with a cheater/beater in the first place if they show it at first, thats why these guys wait till you have no where else to go.
I have a bunch of married friends now and I don't really notice much of a difference in how they act, how much I see them, and how social they are; at least not much difference from when they were just dating. So do people change when they get married, or is it when they start having kids when I'll see the big difference.
Life lived fully results in change. If one is not changing from their experiences in life, they are not truly living. This is not restricted to those married or parents.
From the activities that you listed, as I remember, you sure make more than that 40 something k that is the mid point of what families make in the US. That, or you have a rich uncle.
Again, money has NOTHING to do with it. Your posts here clearly illustrate that you despise children, and you feel that anyone that has them has clearly taken several steps backwards in life. You view anyone that must work their day around a child as someone to be avoided.
Parents with less money than your midpoint would most likely have a very miserable and desolate life without their kids - the vast majority of them - and I would bet my life on that.
I think we understand your viewpoint. My life is a hundred times richer with my son in it - and you simply have not even a single brain cell that can understand that. Most of us simply have life experience and maturity that you do not.
I think my retort was fair and on target, maybe a bit extreme, but made a point. I'm not going back to read your old posts and then mine. This topic may be fun, but it's not my life's work. Maybe you guys with kids have more time on your hands than I figured.
Yeah, not really. I wasn't trying to convince you that your thinking was wrong and you should want kids. I was merely stating that you were making false assumptions on the lifestyle of parents because you haven't experienced it. Whether you want kids or not wasn't even part of the discussion.
Having kids isn't my life's work either. It is one aspect of my life but it does not consume all parents the way you assume it does, just as a job does not consume someone (unless they want it to). Maybe looking at it in that way makes more sense to you?
People make choices on how to live their life. There is no cookie cutter lifestyle for parents just as there is no cookie cutter lifestyle for the childfree.
Having kids, whether while married or single, is a big life altering change. However, marriage can change people, too.
I'm a little worried about my brother. Even while he was married, we were able to do things late at night at his place, have friends over, get drunk while playing poker and more. Even while he had his kid, we were still able to come over and do stuff. Maybe not as late as before, but we still came over for a BBQ or something. Now it has become less and less.
My dad and I went out for dinner and a beer and watched our baseball team at a bar one night. My dad called my brother to see if he wanted a beer, too. At first he said no and was here earlier getting something to eat. Than his wife said, "Get out, go have fun, talk with the boys." She realizes, too, that he's not getting out much anymore.
At first I was going to blame marriage here. He's not getting out, nor spending any time with his friends or family. It is still doable in some cases to bring your kid to some events. I do have a kid, too, but I don't have an SO to either go with or take the reins in child care for a night during the week. I was thinking marriage is not for me. As soon as my SO said something like, "No, you can't go out tonight", than at that moment, it would be over.
That depends on who you're marrying. My friend married a hellcat and she practically has him chained to the back porch.
Kids definitely make a dent in the social life.
What's a "hellcat?"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Again, this has only been my experiences. Then again, why would someone get involved with a cheater/beater in the first place if they show it at first, thats why these guys wait till you have no where else to go. 
