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If you see no reason then you don't fully understand why he looks at it. Porn can have nothing to do with how hot she is, or even how much sex they have.
If he was wanting more sex and he was getting turned down, then that would be one thing. But this sounds like she's sexually available and he is still looking at porn. If he really does just have that much higher of a sex drive and needs all the extra release he should have no problem telling his wife, the woman he promised to love for the rest of his life, that he has sexual needs that are not being met. And not hiding porn like a teenager at his parents house.
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Originally Posted by pzrOrange
"porn addiction", "sex addicition", "couples therapy" etc are just conservative society's defense mechanism against understanding the basic nature of high sex drive. I can easily go without masturbating for weeks (with my traveling and busy life style it is totaly possible), and then the body adjusts by reducing the urge. its crazy. but this cant go on forever, eventually people snap.
whats the point of this self-proclaimed therapy though? I should curb my needs so that the society thinks I am "normal" again? what a bunch of feminist garbage.
back to discussing of the OP -- the husband clearly doesn't neglect his wife by doing it 5-6 times a week. this is a good standard for guys with high sex drive. but then he supplements it by watching porn and masturbating -- this is also a good standard for guys with high sex drive. I see absolutely nothing wrong here, besides the OP who was raised in an extremely conservative family, has extreme prejudice towards naughty things, and then begins to wonder OMFG why would my husband lie / hide it from me? because you wouldn't approve of it and would unleash a **** storm, Sherlock!
this couple problem is all about communication. the story is as old as human kind iteself. couples therapy, yeah, sure, if you need to spend thousands of dollars just on idea that you need to be more open and honest with each other. dear god kill me.
I'm going to take a guess you havn't read anything about porn addiction and are just dismissing it as "conservative nonsense". Well I'm a liberal and have no issues with people choosing to watch porn, but I would suggest that if it is leading to a husband hiding and lying about it then it is not healthy.
The OP is a lot like you - someone who loves to inflict their "morality" on everyone else.
A lot of women have that pathological need to control so badly that they feel they have a say over a guy's sex drive. It's his Ipod, he can watch whatever he wants. It's not like he's in adult chat rooms talking dirty to anyone or trying to set up an affair over the internet. If she doesn't like it, too damn bad, she isn't the boss of him.
... actually this is exactly what might be going on, its called reading the full post from the OP, you should try it sometime
If he was wanting more sex and he was getting turned down, then that would be one thing. But this sounds like she's sexually available and he is still looking at porn. If he really does just have that much higher of a sex drive and needs all the extra release he should have no problem telling his wife, the woman he promised to love for the rest of his life, that he has sexual needs that are not being met. And not hiding porn like a teenager at his parents house.
I'm going to take a guess you havn't read anything about porn addiction and are just dismissing it as "conservative nonsense". Well I'm a liberal and have no issues with people choosing to watch porn, but I would suggest that if it is leading to a husband hiding and lying about it then it is not healthy.
He's hiding it because he was indoctrinated all his life with shaming language from the morality crowd. It's a subconscious reaction. In a perfect world, he wouldn't have to lie and hide it.
Women just can't stand it when they know they aren't needed for something. A weak man is more likely to not give into her demands with an empty set and women know this.
If he was wanting more sex and he was getting turned down, then that would be one thing. But this sounds like she's sexually available and he is still looking at porn.
this is a fairly bold assumption which may or may not be true. judging from the situation, I highly doubt this is the case. even if she shows up here and tells us that she is, we need to also hear her husband that can 100% confirm that.
my wife sometimes also tends to think she is available in a casual conversation, but then quickly forgets how she blows me off nearly 80% of the time or makes up all sorts of excuses to not have sex when I am horny. so yeah, it takes two to tango.
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If he really does just have that much higher of a sex drive and needs all the extra release he should have no problem telling his wife, the woman he promised to love for the rest of his life, that he has sexual needs that are not being met. And not hiding porn like a teenager at his parents house.
in any other situation I would absolutely agree with you, but there seem to be MAJOR communication issues, most of which are due to fact that the woman finds her husband's behavior offensive. why would I tell you that I hate your sweater and the way you wear your hair if you will obviously be upset? I'd rather white lie my way out of the situation, and puke later .
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I'm going to take a guess you havn't read anything about porn addiction and are just dismissing it as "conservative nonsense".
yes, what century do we live in? are you seriously thinking that this is the very first time I've heard about porn addiction and never bothered to read about this most interesting subject, and after that came up with my own conclusions?
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Well I'm a liberal and have no issues with people choosing to watch porn, but I would suggest that if it is leading to a husband hiding and lying about it then it is not healthy.
I am a libertarian, "live and let live" so to speak, but also fairly socially liberal. the issue you aren't addressing is the woman herself.
... I also seldom turn him down for sex if he asks. Even if I'm not in the mood, I still will abliege atleast a short session. *I always felt that men cheat because their women turn them down so much they go elsewhere, and I would much rather satisfy him then leave him high & dry.
... *I even said, if it's porn your hiding, that would actually be a relief. *He looked me in the eyes, told me he loved me, I needed to stop being insecure, he would never do anything behind my back, and as for porn he hadn't looked at it in atleast 5 years and didnt even like it.
... I confronted him & he denied all getting angry with me that I didn't trust him
... I legitimately want to still try & possibly make our marriage stronger (I told him if he has any sexual desires/fantasists or curiosity I would love it if he would share them with me, I'm pretty adventurous & willing as he knows so I am bothered & hurt he hasn't shared whatever it is with me....*He will not tell me anything, at all... Nothing. *He keeps telling me it's just porn, it's not like he cheated. To get over it! Irritated, he said he won't watch it anymore if it's such a big deal. I have tried showing him books, articles, marriage & family counseler, psychologist etc documents on this topic that he also refuses to read. *I told him find me a rebuttal & I'd be more than happy to take a look at it. *Im not opposed to being enlightened on a different prospective.*
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Originally Posted by pzrOrange
this is a fairly bold assumption which may or may not be true. judging from the situation, I highly doubt this is the case. even if she shows up here and tells us that she is, we need to also hear her husband that can 100% confirm that.
You're right that we are only getting one side but she had made it abundantly clear to me that she is willing to be open to his sexual needs.
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my wife sometimes also tends to think she is available in a casual conversation, but then quickly forgets how she blows me off nearly 80% of the time or makes up all sorts of excuses to not have sex when I am horny. so yeah, it takes two to tango.
in any other situation I would absolutely agree with you, but there seem to be MAJOR communication issues, most of which are due to fact that the woman finds her husband's behavior offensive. why would I tell you that I hate your sweater and the way you wear your hair if you will obviously be upset? I'd rather white lie my way out of the situation, and puke later .
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Not only does she not find it offensive but she has stated she has tried to have open discussions with her husband about it in order to understand what is going on. Again, its one side of the story but if we can believe the OP story at face value then I think it is safe to say that it is not the woman herself that is the issue. That may be the case in your situation, but we're not talking about your marriage. This man apparently would rather deny/hide his addiction than talk to his wife about it, that is not healthy and so while you may not believe in porn addiction I think its fair to say this mans actions are similar to the traits of an addict
Every so often on C-D I read a post which really makes me despair for the future of the world, thanks to the people we are leaving it to.
This is one of these posts.
I don't even know where to start with it, so I'll just move swiftly on, however, maybe this poster should read the OP again, I think they have missed quite a lot of words out.
You really need to read more than the first and last line to give advice, you know............
I read that post with the same air of despair.
Yea, OP, I despise pron myself. It gives me the creeps, and I won't even get into it here. But, more than the pron usage - which, as you see, so many find "normal" (and I wonder why /sarcasm, but that's a topic for a different thread) - I agree with you that it is the lying that is the most disturbing. Obviously, honesty is an accessory, rather than a value, for your boy. Your trust is understandably broken. And, personally, nothing makes me angrier than a guy trying to make me turn on myself, which is what this guy did to you here. It's a selfish person who would suggest to you that you shouldn't trust yourself. That's the meanest kind of undercutting.
I would say flee far and fast, but my fiancee and I have been together for 5 years and in the first 3 we had similar scenarios. He would lie until I had undeniable proof of what I knew. I do believe that he has changed in many ways, but it took what amounts to turning on the high beams throughout the house. I even moved out for a year, broke up with him (quite seriously), went out with someone else, was truly moving on etc. Which gave him some time to think... and he agonized. And he begged, but I had moved on. Long story - but we got back together. And it took a long time for me to trust him even slightly again. He's completely open with his phone, computers, etc. now. He answers questions non-defensively because he knows that there are some barriers to be overcome. I don't think this can happen for everyone, but change is possible. It does, IME, take a major awakening to happen, though.
He's a serial liar. You will never be able to trust him. I would leave someone who lied to me and deliberately made me unhappy. I am a pro porn woman too but this is way beyond an issue with pornography.
Because no one should ever look at internet porn or has before in this world. She manipulated him into a lose, lose situation..... clear browser history? confess to watching porn? Leave browser history - OMG ZOMG you are dirty....
These two just aren't compatible in the first place. No one should be shamed by this. It doesn't sound like the casual viewing is affecting other areas.
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