Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Guess I will be the devil's advocate here. I am actually from India, and completing my graduate degree in the US. The concept of Indian families 'forcing' arranged marriages on youngsters who don't like it is somewhat outdated, at least in urban parts of India. What really occurs is families/parents look out for people who could be 'good matches' in terms of attitude and outlook to life, jobs, etc. for their children. Then the prospective grooms and brides are introduced and meet at least a few times to discuss if they think they are suited for each other. If so, the families then take over and conduct the whole wedding process. This works to the advantage of everyone.
Let me tell you my own case. I am rather shy/introverted, and being an Indian, find it hard to meet anyone 'romantically' in the way Americans do it, in the US. At around the time I felt like getting married, I let my parents know that, and they identified a couple of girls whom I might like. Well, I didn't like one of them and did like the other. But then she didn't like me, so I am still unmarried. No one forced me or a girl to marry if we both weren't in favor of it.
There is nothing like the voice or real experience.
Thank you for sharing your story, some here need to be educated
But what is the association between cultures with arranged marriages and the status of women in those cultures? I suspect that arranged marriages "work" when women are understood to be, and understand themselves to be, submissive to the husband and divorce is stigmatized. Many women are happy in these proscribed arrangements, but it is not something that works for women in more egalitarian cultures.
Exactly. Multiple times I have been told by women who dated men from such cultures (eg Indians) that by and large the men treated them poorly. Often expecting them to behave in a subservient manner, being demanding, not being the least bit chivalrous, etc.
What works there doesn't work too well here in the West. I know a police officer here in this part of town where there are a lot of Indians (due to the presence of a large software employer) and he anecdotally reports that the majority of domestic disturbance calls he gets are Indians....
As the comedian Russell Peters (an Indian) said, "I wouldn't want my mom to pick out my own clothes never mind my wife!"
But what is the association between cultures with arranged marriages and the status of women in those cultures? I suspect that arranged marriages "work" when women are understood to be, and understand themselves to be, submissive to the husband and divorce is stigmatized. Many women are happy in these proscribed arrangements, but it is not something that works for women in more egalitarian cultures.
The status of the woman in the arranged marriage depends on the extent of her choice in choosing the husband. If the woman happens to be a young 20 year old married to some 50 year old guy who makes her do all the household chores and controls all the financial aspects of the family, yes she's got no choice. But if the relationship or match happens to be between two people in their mid 20's both with fairly good education and ability to make a career, there's no question of the woman being subjugated to her husband's needs.
I am Indian myself and am unmarried at 29, I know 90% of my friends who have married Indian women from either the US or from back home, all those women were highly educated and successful in their careers and make as much as money in the household as the men do. None of my female friends have ever complained about them being unhappy or submissive in the relationship, if anything they are actually quite the opposite. So learn to consider what backgrounds the men and women come from before painting all those relationships under the same brush.
If anything, arranged marriages where both the partners are aware of the other person and have a sense to make it work are far more successful than relationships where attraction was created from a random meeting on a dancefloor or a one night stand after being drunk. I, however have always fantasized about meeting someone and dating her before thinking about marriage, which is why i am still single at the ripe old age of 29.
Exactly. Multiple times I have been told by women who dated men from such cultures (eg Indians) that by and large the men treated them poorly. Often expecting them to behave in a subservient manner, being demanding, not being the least bit chivalrous, etc.
What works there doesn't work too well here in the West. I know a police officer here in this part of town where there are a lot of Indians (due to the presence of a large software employer) and he anecdotally reports that the majority of domestic disturbance calls he gets are Indians....
As the comedian Russell Peters (an Indian) said, "I wouldn't want my mom to pick out my own clothes never mind my wife!"
You are actually stating the opposite, the Indian American ethnicity in the US has the least divorce rate, least rate of single moms, welfare collecting moms and domestic abuse. I would love to find out the background of those Indian women that have stated that the men treat them poorly, it's usually found that such men of Indian ethnicity come from rural backgrounds where the women are expected to be more submissive due to cultural and historical reasons.
People from the major cities and urban areas however, in my opinion don't seem to have many such issues with traditional gender roles, while there are exceptions I don't think it's the norm. For that matter, I can prove conclusively that the incidents of domestic disturbance with non Indian families in the USA are far more than the ones with Indian households. I am pretty sure you are lying when you said that the majority of domestic disturbance calls come from Indian households, I live in an area where the majority of the families are Indian and this happens to be one of the most sought after places in the city to live.
It would help if you could mention which particular place you were mentioning about when you spoke about the domestic disturbance calls the police officer had reported about.
Exactly. Multiple times I have been told by women who dated men from such cultures (eg Indians) that by and large the men treated them poorly. Often expecting them to behave in a subservient manner, being demanding, not being the least bit chivalrous, etc.
What works there doesn't work too well here in the West. I know a police officer here in this part of town where there are a lot of Indians (due to the presence of a large software employer) and he anecdotally reports that the majority of domestic disturbance calls he gets are Indians....
As the comedian Russell Peters (an Indian) said, "I wouldn't want my mom to pick out my own clothes never mind my wife!"
Spot on! That's what I've been thinking, too. I'll pass on my parent's choices and I'll pass on society's choices as well.
I clearly stated that I would pass on my parent's choices and society's choices (the society I live in).
Except in modern arranged marriages (at least in India) what the parents/family really does is give suggestions and introduce you to people whom you are likely to select as your spouse (and conduct the wedding, if there is one). The ultimate decision to marry someone is yours, and yours alone.
You are actually stating the opposite, the Indian American ethnicity in the US has the least divorce rate, least rate of single moms, welfare collecting moms and domestic abuse. I would love to find out the background of those Indian women that have stated that the men treat them poorly, it's usually found that such men of Indian ethnicity come from rural backgrounds where the women are expected to be more submissive due to cultural and historical reasons.
People from the major cities and urban areas however, in my opinion don't seem to have many such issues with traditional gender roles, while there are exceptions I don't think it's the norm. For that matter, I can prove conclusively that the incidents of domestic disturbance with non Indian families in the USA are far more than the ones with Indian households. I am pretty sure you are lying when you said that the majority of domestic disturbance calls come from Indian households, I live in an area where the majority of the families are Indian and this happens to be one of the most sought after places in the city to live.
It would help if you could mention which particular place you were mentioning about when you spoke about the domestic disturbance calls the police officer had reported about.
I was stating my anecdotal experience for where I live. Which is, since you wanted to know, is Redmond Washington (a suburb of Seattle) and the company is Microsoft. So the Indian population here is largely from urban, highly educated backgrounds, not rural.
I am not lying about what the cop told me, why would I? I agree it is simply anecdotal experience for him on this town, not all of America or the world.
It is clear you are biased towards advocating that your own culture and values produce the happiest humans, and in a way us Westerners do the same, everybody wants to believe their way is the right way. But what I am saying is that I don't think those "older ways" like arranged marriages work here in the "new world".
Except in modern arranged marriages (at least in India) what the parents/family really does is give suggestions and introduce you to people whom you are likely to select as your spouse (and conduct the wedding, if there is one). The ultimate decision to marry someone is yours, and yours alone.
Who is saying otherwise?
Quote:
Originally Posted by letmereiterate
Bro, no matter how much you tell certain people, they won't think beyond their own stereotypical perceptions of people. It's a waste of time to even expect having a reasonable discussion with them, they believe in what they want to believe in.
I'll repeat, who is saying otherwise? I was not speaking for Indians, although I can clearly see why you would need the help.
I'm not telling other people what they should or should not be doing, so I'm not sure what this high horse charge is about. As already noted, the US is not India and people from differing cultures are not always going to have the same values and priorities. Something that works there would not necessarily work here en masse. If I were you I wouldn't expect people who do not hail from your culture to be on board with its traditions.
Neither am I suggesting that people believe in things aren't mentioned by stand up artists. You are free to believe in the words of a stand up artist as the holy gospel and stereotype the whole culture as such, and it just shows your cultural insensitivity and foolishness, however you are perfectly reasonable in choosing to be thus. I have no issues with that and never had any to begin with.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
At around the time I felt like getting married, I let my parents know that, and they identified a couple of girls whom I might like. Well, I didn't like one of them and did like the other. But then she didn't like me, so I am still unmarried. 
