If a guy has Asperger Syndrome, High-Functioning Autism, should he just realize he is never going to have a girlfriend? (call, personality)
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I have been married to a guy with aspergers for 20 years! I have to admit, there are challenges but I have never another man who is more genuine and loving. I know it seems impossible, but the best way to meet people is to try to be around people. I met my husband at a bar. We had both gone to see a local musician play, I spotted him and went to talk to him. The rest is history! I have since started working with the special olympics, and with community mental health in my area so I know a lot of aspies. I have to say, in addition to their amazing brilliance the aspies I know all stand out as being very attractive! So my advice to you is go to where there are people, doesn't have to be a huge crowd. And pay attention to the people around you. I know a lot of people with aspergers try to avoid focusing on the people around them in order to cope but as a result they miss out on a smile or a wink from an attractive member of the oppisite sex and come off as seeming uninterested. I'm not saying that you should frequent loud smoke filled bars with a giant crowd or places that are horribly uncomfortable because your discomfort with the atmosphere may translate into "don't talk to me, I'm annoyed" but think of places like the grocery store, a movie theater, walking at a park. Some place in public that you can cope with being. Once you are there, take subtle notice of the people around you so you don't miss a smile from an attractive stranger. I would like to share a wonderful quote from my grandmother. She used to tell me "you will find someone because no matter how crooked the pot may be, there is always a lid that fits it!" When she first told me that, I was a bit offended really, I thought "grammy thinks I'm a proverbially crooked pot!" But what she meant was there is someone out there for everyone, but sometimes you have to look for a while before you find them.
well it's very rare for a woman to initiate a conversation with a guy first
Because i've never had a girlfriend before in my entire life, i'm 24 years old, obviously still a virgin, I'm not that outgoing either, don't have many close friends, and that hurts my chances a lot of meeting girls, because it seems the most common way people meet their significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend is through people networking, as in through mutual friends, friends of friends, etc.
Also, obviously High-Functioning Autism, Asperger Syndrome, obviously that makes a person socially-awkward, socially-inept by nature, genetics cause that, and not having good social-skills, not having good-conversation skills, being socially-awkward, socially-inept, hurts a guys chances of landing a relationship way more than a socially-awkward, socially-inept girl's chances of landing a relationship, because it is still dominantly expected of the guy to make the first move, do the approaching, starting conversations and ask the girl out, overall, initiate the pursuit and date, relationship.
Should a guy like this just realize he is never going to improve socially? his social-skills, conversation-skills will forever remain the same? that he is bound to be alone forevery literally?
I've asked girls out before, have approached many, hit on them, but either they were taken already or not interested, i've even tried online dating but no luck on online dating sites either, the online dating sites i've used were Plentyoffish and OkCupid, but no luck. I've even been attending Asperger support-groups, meet-ups for like 4 years now, but no luck meeting anybody that i'm attracted to, it is mostly male-dominated.
I'm not sure if this can be overcome, because i'm worried there might be different levels of Asperger Syndrome, High-Functioning Autism, and i'm worried that mine might be too severe for me to overcome, as in literally impossible for me to overcome.
So should I just throw in the towel already?
I hope not. My son has Aspergers. He is high functioning, but certainly has some social quirks. I suspect that there may be challenges for him as well. He is only 15, and still has some time. I will offer you the same advise I offer to him.
Get out there, do the best you can to strike up a conversation, and see where it leads. Don't be shy, don't give up because you might get rejected. If you don't ask, you will never know.
His mom does a good job getting him out doing social events which helps. Dances, theatre, social clubs. I know that may not be the same options available for you, but there are similar age appropriate options. Best of luck, but don't ever throw in the towel!
I'm pretty sure there's a whole generation of kids in Silicon Valley whose dads have Apserger's.
Perhaps, but there are plenty of people without Aspergers who work in Silicon Valley too. It's a common misconception that people on the spectrum are all geniuses. Just like with anyone else the intelligence level varies.
Second of all, I said that some women or certain women might be interested if the OP told her about his condition.
Third is that the OP wouldn't be trying to use sympathy. He'd be telling the truth.
Some women would be interested or aroused about dating an Aspie. Some women might fall in love.
My bad, women will never date a man out of sympathy
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