Marriages where the stay at home wife persues her own interests (how to, guy)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think the fact that you're even posting this means that it will not work out as resentment will eat you up. Why not make an arrangement where you guys switch off every now and then and you stay home and do what you want for awhile. However, is it all one sided or is she providing some form of service, such as nice meals and a clean house? Make sure you do the same when it's your turn.
In this age women need to work. I dont understand at all why your wife isn't working since you dont have kids, and she doesn't appear to have a medical condition that prohibits her from contributing to the marriage.
Look, OP, you seem to be dealing with some insecurities here.
I mean, why do you care what others are saying if you are happy with the arrangement?
And that rush of manliness that you're feeling? I'd be very careful about that one. That stuff has a tendency to wear off after a few years. When your sense of satisfaction or self-esteem derives from having other people rely on you... well, let's just say I've been there in some ways (I was once heavily relied upon by a number of people), and it can easily be replaced by resentment and dissatisfaction. You need to make your peace with this if your current arrangement is to last.
What does concern me, to a certain extent, is the question of what your wife's investment in this relationship is. What is she contributing? Because if she's not contributing anything towards building a life together in terms of money or elbow grease, her emotional investment may not be very deep, which may not bode well. You don't want to just be her cash cow. How much of the household responsibilities is she actually shouldering or is she just writing checks to the housecleaners?
But, again, if you guys are taking a clear-eyed look at your arrangement and are happy with it, then go with it. All that matters is if it works for you.
I am very surprised at the judgment in this thread. People have different "desires" and live different kinds of life.
His arrangement is not "strange" for "this day and age." His wife "should work" since she doesn't have kids??
I know PLENTY of people who live this way. My entire city is full of them. There are also 2-income families, but lifestyles are not "one size fits all."
He and his wife are the only ones who should judge whether this lifestyle is right for them or not.
As I mentioned in one post last year or so, I explained that the marriage that my wife to be and I were going to have, would consist of the following:
1. I work to financially support us.
2. She persues her own interests: Travel, Activism, arts, etc thanks to my financial support.
Of course, she is happy about the fact that if and when we have kids she will not have to be a working mother.
So, far our arrangement is working great.
My questions to anyone who is either involved in the following tyoe of marriage Husband works to financially support the couple, wife persues her own interests, for whatever reason their are currently no kids and arrangement is by choices, not the wife being laid off or whatever) or who knows a couple that has such a marriage are:
1. How do the two parties involved feel about it?
2. What type of hobbies and interests does the wife persue?
3. What are some secrets to making such a marriage work as effectively as possible?
Thanks
I know one such couple, but its a second marriage for both of them and they are around 50. They seem to be very happy with the arrangement. He works and makes a very good living. She takes care of the home and runs around with her pals, rides her motorcycle, travels to see her grandkid. There was an issue with her drinking before.
What I think the secret is. They love and respect eachother.
Is this this same "free spirit" Australian woman you have been living with? I vaguely recall you posting about this last year.
You knew how this was going to be, you wanted this type of marriage so I don't know why you're complaining about it now. You can't change the fact people will have an opinion about your set up, especially in this day and age where very few women who don't have children, stay at home. Be careful what you wish for because sometimes the reality isn't quite what you expected.
^^^ I agree with Wmsn4Life and also know people living like that.
I don't really understand the: she has to get a job or she is a lazy bum, sucker and a gold digger.
If he makes enough money to provide a good life AND wants his wife to stay home to take care of household, get him all he needs and desires in his daily life, look pretty and relaxed, have own interests, hobbies and activities - then this is just fine. That's their idea of a happy marriage.
Not ALL families need or desire a second income.
It is true that if it works for them and everyone is fine and happy, then there is nothing wrong.
If everything was great, I doubt this thread would have been started.
Yet, I wonder what people would be saying If the wife worked to provide financially so the guy could stay at home and pursue his interests. People still accept the role of the wife as a "homemaker" as being acceptable. What if the wife worked, so the guy could pursue interests all day?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.