Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-27-2012, 05:50 AM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,757,242 times
Reputation: 15643

Advertisements

I think the fact that you're even posting this means that it will not work out as resentment will eat you up. Why not make an arrangement where you guys switch off every now and then and you stay home and do what you want for awhile. However, is it all one sided or is she providing some form of service, such as nice meals and a clean house? Make sure you do the same when it's your turn.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-27-2012, 06:17 AM
 
Location: NC
6,032 posts, read 9,189,893 times
Reputation: 6378
What happens if you get laid off? I will tell you, she will be gone to find another guy to support her life of leisure.

A sucker is born every minute. Traveling alone? LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 06:21 AM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,289,027 times
Reputation: 5372
In this age women need to work. I dont understand at all why your wife isn't working since you dont have kids, and she doesn't appear to have a medical condition that prohibits her from contributing to the marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 06:24 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,947,658 times
Reputation: 11706
I am wondering who pushed for this arrangement?

Did your wife insist you be the breadwinner so she could pursue interests? Or did you insist she not work?

In this day and age, this is just a strange arrangement. I can see why your friends are suspicious of the motivations behind it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 06:39 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
Reputation: 43047
Look, OP, you seem to be dealing with some insecurities here.

I mean, why do you care what others are saying if you are happy with the arrangement?

And that rush of manliness that you're feeling? I'd be very careful about that one. That stuff has a tendency to wear off after a few years. When your sense of satisfaction or self-esteem derives from having other people rely on you... well, let's just say I've been there in some ways (I was once heavily relied upon by a number of people), and it can easily be replaced by resentment and dissatisfaction. You need to make your peace with this if your current arrangement is to last.

What does concern me, to a certain extent, is the question of what your wife's investment in this relationship is. What is she contributing? Because if she's not contributing anything towards building a life together in terms of money or elbow grease, her emotional investment may not be very deep, which may not bode well. You don't want to just be her cash cow. How much of the household responsibilities is she actually shouldering or is she just writing checks to the housecleaners?

But, again, if you guys are taking a clear-eyed look at your arrangement and are happy with it, then go with it. All that matters is if it works for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 06:49 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
I am very surprised at the judgment in this thread. People have different "desires" and live different kinds of life.

His arrangement is not "strange" for "this day and age." His wife "should work" since she doesn't have kids??

I know PLENTY of people who live this way. My entire city is full of them. There are also 2-income families, but lifestyles are not "one size fits all."


He and his wife are the only ones who should judge whether this lifestyle is right for them or not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 07:01 AM
 
36,226 posts, read 30,671,050 times
Reputation: 32504
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevechang103 View Post
Hello,

As I mentioned in one post last year or so, I explained that the marriage that my wife to be and I were going to have, would consist of the following:

1. I work to financially support us.

2. She persues her own interests: Travel, Activism, arts, etc thanks to my financial support.

Of course, she is happy about the fact that if and when we have kids she will not have to be a working mother.

So, far our arrangement is working great.

My questions to anyone who is either involved in the following tyoe of marriage Husband works to financially support the couple, wife persues her own interests, for whatever reason their are currently no kids and arrangement is by choices, not the wife being laid off or whatever) or who knows a couple that has such a marriage are:

1. How do the two parties involved feel about it?

2. What type of hobbies and interests does the wife persue?

3. What are some secrets to making such a marriage work as effectively as possible?

Thanks
I know one such couple, but its a second marriage for both of them and they are around 50. They seem to be very happy with the arrangement. He works and makes a very good living. She takes care of the home and runs around with her pals, rides her motorcycle, travels to see her grandkid. There was an issue with her drinking before.
What I think the secret is. They love and respect eachother.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 07:08 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,715,991 times
Reputation: 20394
Is this this same "free spirit" Australian woman you have been living with? I vaguely recall you posting about this last year.

You knew how this was going to be, you wanted this type of marriage so I don't know why you're complaining about it now. You can't change the fact people will have an opinion about your set up, especially in this day and age where very few women who don't have children, stay at home. Be careful what you wish for because sometimes the reality isn't quite what you expected.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Tricity, PL
61,430 posts, read 86,526,431 times
Reputation: 131279
^^^ I agree with Wmsn4Life and also know people living like that.
I don't really understand the: she has to get a job or she is a lazy bum, sucker and a gold digger.
If he makes enough money to provide a good life AND wants his wife to stay home to take care of household, get him all he needs and desires in his daily life, look pretty and relaxed, have own interests, hobbies and activities - then this is just fine. That's their idea of a happy marriage.
Not ALL families need or desire a second income.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-27-2012, 07:14 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,947,658 times
Reputation: 11706
It is true that if it works for them and everyone is fine and happy, then there is nothing wrong.

If everything was great, I doubt this thread would have been started.

Yet, I wonder what people would be saying If the wife worked to provide financially so the guy could stay at home and pursue his interests. People still accept the role of the wife as a "homemaker" as being acceptable. What if the wife worked, so the guy could pursue interests all day?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:31 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top