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Old 08-26-2012, 06:26 PM
 
115 posts, read 286,654 times
Reputation: 113

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Hello,

As I mentioned in one post last year or so, I explained that the marriage that my wife to be and I were going to have, would consist of the following:

1. I work to financially support us.

2. She persues her own interests: Travel, Activism, arts, etc thanks to my financial support.

Of course, she is happy about the fact that if and when we have kids she will not have to be a working mother.

So, far our arrangement is working great.

My questions to anyone who is either involved in the following tyoe of marriage Husband works to financially support the couple, wife persues her own interests, for whatever reason their are currently no kids and arrangement is by choices, not the wife being laid off or whatever) or who knows a couple that has such a marriage are:

1. How do the two parties involved feel about it?

2. What type of hobbies and interests does the wife persue?

3. What are some secrets to making such a marriage work as effectively as possible?

Thanks
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,039,386 times
Reputation: 39664
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevechang103 View Post
Hello,

As I mentioned in one post last year or so, I explained that the marriage that my wife to be and I were going to have, would consist of the following:

1. I work to financially support us.

2. She persues her own interests: Travel, Activism, arts, etc thanks to my financial support.

Of course, she is happy about the fact that if and when we have kids she will not have to be a working mother.

So, far our arrangement is working great.

My questions to anyone who is either involved in the following tyoe of marriage Husband works to financially support the couple, wife persues her own interests, for whatever reason their are currently no kids and arrangement is by choices, not the wife being laid off or whatever) or who knows a couple that has such a marriage are:

1. How do the two parties involved feel about it?

2. What type of hobbies and interests does the wife persue?

3. What are some secrets to making such a marriage work as effectively as possible?

Thanks

Why not just come right out and tell us what the specific problem is that you are having?
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,037 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73651
Hard to tell from your OP, but I think my marriage has been like that.

My husband has always been the primary breadwinner, I have worked off and on when I wanted, then went to grad school and got a master's somewhere in there, had my own hobbies, etc.

What is the problem with your situation?

The "secrets" to making it work are whatever the couple agrees on. We had a fairly traditional, informal agreement that I would take care of inside chores (except repairs) while he took care of all outdoor chores and car stuff.

We didn't have kids for about 5 years. Making the marriage work, though, means the same thing regardless of who is working inside or outside the home. Keep each other as your top priority.
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:25 PM
 
2,732 posts, read 2,981,876 times
Reputation: 1959
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevechang103 View Post
Hello,

As I mentioned in one post last year or so, I explained that the marriage that my wife to be and I were going to have, would consist of the following:

1. I work to financially support us.

2. She persues her own interests: Travel, Activism, arts, etc thanks to my financial support.

Of course, she is happy about the fact that if and when we have kids she will not have to be a working mother.

So, far our arrangement is working great.

My questions to anyone who is either involved in the following tyoe of marriage Husband works to financially support the couple, wife persues her own interests, for whatever reason their are currently no kids and arrangement is by choices, not the wife being laid off or whatever) or who knows a couple that has such a marriage are:

1. How do the two parties involved feel about it?

2. What type of hobbies and interests does the wife persue?

3. What are some secrets to making such a marriage work as effectively as possible?

Thanks
Will your wife be traveling without you while you work? If so, that's not good.

Secondly, as far as your 3rd question, the success of your marriage largely depends on supporting EACH OTHER, and in your case, over time, I feel that you might grow to resent your wife to be if you don't feel as though you're getting much out of the deal.

In other words, I don't get the feeling that your wife to be is bringing much to the table and over time you're going to resent that.
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:28 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 43,130,167 times
Reputation: 11862
What if her hobbies include appreciating other men while you're gone?
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:34 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,289,813 times
Reputation: 3401
Marriage is a partnership- your wife is a dependent -which is fine if you have kids-but when you don't it gets old having to get up at 6am and shovel snow to your car while your wife is in bed. Dependent soon becomes freeloader and leech-
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Old 08-26-2012, 08:30 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,856,225 times
Reputation: 5888
This to me sounds like a situation where the wife is too lazy to work so the man supports her.
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Old 08-26-2012, 08:35 PM
 
13,731 posts, read 16,266,473 times
Reputation: 10476
Have kids.
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Old 08-26-2012, 08:38 PM
 
1,202 posts, read 1,524,045 times
Reputation: 818
They work out, if both people are satisfied with such a relationship. Not sure what answers you are looking for? This type of arrangement has the same success rate as a relationship with two working people--which means either it works or it doesn't. It largely depends on the individuals involved. Unless you grow resentful, or your wife cheats on you, then I'm sure everything will work out fine(if you both are truly okay with this).
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:04 PM
 
13,009 posts, read 12,440,016 times
Reputation: 37270
Are you guys happy? I think that's really all that matters.

For myself, I would feel caged in this kind of marriage, simply because I've been making my own money and taking care of myself since I graduated college. I couldn't imagine being dependent to this degree. I'm 36 and my independence is just too ingrained for me to give it up.

The executives in my company have married women who mostly stay home, but they are raising their children and actively working to support their husbands careers. These guys have NO domestic concerns to worry about except for interacting with their kids (they are all spectacularly involved fathers). Is your wife supporting you in a similar way?

Similarly, I am friends with a couple in which the husband stays at home and the wife works at a lucrative career. There are no children involved. They are very happy with this arrangement, but he is devoted to supporting her career, maintaining the household and working on writing a novel at the same time.

If your wife isn't giving you the backup you think you deserve as a spouse, then there may be a problem. No one wants to give endlessly while the other party in the relationship mostly takes. It's not beancounting if the gap between the giving and taking is highly noticeable.
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