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Old 08-26-2012, 07:03 PM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,123,332 times
Reputation: 2977

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It happens often.
One of the people in the relationship isn't really into the other person. The uninterested is definately not into the uninteresting as much as uninteresting is into uninteresed. But, the less interested person stays in the relationship for a significantly longer time than they should have. The other person ends up crushed, becuase most likely, they are unaware to some level of how much the other person isn't into them.



As I am someone who has recently experienced this, I wonder, why does this happen so often?

My brainstorming options:
Is it simply that one person is using the other person? (not a good assumption, I know this)
Does it sometimes take many months to figure out if you are into someone?
Or, is it more like uninterested doesn't know what they want, so they stay involved with uninteresting untill they realize want they acctually do want?
Or, is it more like, uninterested doesn't want to be alone, so they stay with people because being with uninteresting is better than being alone?

This recently happened to me, and I know I will never know why the other person strung me along. Is it complicated, because there is something there worth staying around for, but not enough to be into them?
Is the uninterested hoping uninteresting will change?
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:05 PM
 
117 posts, read 172,017 times
Reputation: 70
I thnk all your brainstorming options could be potentially true. I think it does take a while to figure out if you're into someone, and some people believe a poor relationship is better than nothing at all.
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:11 AM
 
3,523 posts, read 3,909,645 times
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When it was me, I was getting sex, and sex is good...so I stayed.
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Old 08-27-2012, 01:12 AM
 
8,544 posts, read 7,082,503 times
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because people are still getting something they need in whatever form it happens to be in (housing, money, companionship/friendship etc)

its that simple
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Old 08-27-2012, 01:32 AM
 
14,396 posts, read 17,265,047 times
Reputation: 11189
Ahh, many reasons

-Sometimes because they value commitment over anything else. They revere a "Never quit" mentality.
-Sometimes they feel scared of what's on the other side (being alone or not finding someone better)
- Sometimes they are scared of change if they leave.
-Sometimes they're just lazy and comfortable.
- Sometimes they are embarrassed. They don't want to become one of those other folks who break up or a statistic.
- Sometimes they realize that they made a huge mistake and don't want to admit it.
- Sometimes they justify and think it's normal and acceptable to be miserable "Everyone else is too".
- Sometimes they actually do love their SO but just lack appreciation and take them for granted.

Last edited by srjth; 08-27-2012 at 01:47 AM..
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Old 08-27-2012, 01:46 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,730,551 times
Reputation: 2499
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
It happens often.
One of the people in the relationship isn't really into the other person. The uninterested is definately not into the uninteresting as much as uninteresting is into uninteresed. But, the less interested person stays in the relationship for a significantly longer time than they should have. The other person ends up crushed, becuase most likely, they are unaware to some level of how much the other person isn't into them.



As I am someone who has recently experienced this, I wonder, why does this happen so often?

My brainstorming options:
Is it simply that one person is using the other person? (not a good assumption, I know this)
Does it sometimes take many months to figure out if you are into someone?
Or, is it more like uninterested doesn't know what they want, so they stay involved with uninteresting untill they realize want they acctually do want?
Or, is it more like, uninterested doesn't want to be alone, so they stay with people because being with uninteresting is better than being alone?

This recently happened to me, and I know I will never know why the other person strung me along. Is it complicated, because there is something there worth staying around for, but not enough to be into them?
Is the uninterested hoping uninteresting will change?
If there was an easy answer to this it would have been a break through.
I feel there are many reasons and as you stated you do not know or you doubt there will ever be a reason.

Some people cannot be in a long term for very long ( personal issues) ( emotional issues) that do not allow them to open up to others completely and when in a long term relationship being open is mandatory.

Afraid of commitment which follows along the lines of the above mentioned

There are issues that arise that the uninterested feels they cannot deal with or be a part of..I.E. neediness, being clingy, suffocation.
I know for me ^^^^ this has been an issue. I meet a guy that is great and we date several months and everything is going smooth and all of a sudden it happens.
All of a sudden my great, independent guy turns into a insecure sack.
Over thinking everything I say. texting or calling 100 times a day asking me what I am doing..I.e. "What are you doing?" I state "I am on my way to the store." His reply, "Why? It is 9:00 pm, what do you need to get?" "Where are you really going?" Ugggg....
Which brings up again insecurity and allowing the issues in your past relationship is now affecting ours.
The uninterested party attempts to exert patience and reassuring the other person however this behavio gets old real fast and the interest is lost to be in that relationship.

THE thoughts are fairly simple.."I am in a relationship with this person and it is serious, if he is like this now imagine what he will be like in 2-3 years? I probably will need to bring home receipts to prove I was somewhere, send pics of who I was with and ect.
I actually dated a guy who would ask me to send him a pic of what I WAS wearing before I went out and then ask me questions after..i.e. "Are you wearing a bra? "Are you going to wear a sweater?" WOW..I can tell you this did not last long, major turn off.

Hope this helps.
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Old 08-27-2012, 01:53 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,018,632 times
Reputation: 16171
There are probably many reasons people stay in these kinds of relationships. Sometimes it is just familiar, they may be afraid of hurting their SO, if there are kids involved they may not want to leave because of that, they might not want to leave for financial reasons, they may hope things will change, I am sure there are many reasons why someone might stay.
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Old 08-27-2012, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,273 posts, read 7,863,665 times
Reputation: 53255
Sometimes it's just plain stupidity. I have a friend that I've been trying to talk into getting divorced for 4 years now. She is filing this week after she found a hotel receipt for a day that he was supposed to be at work. He ruined them financially with the IRS 4 years ago. Finally enough is enough for her.
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Old 08-27-2012, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,430 posts, read 52,425,333 times
Reputation: 70403
Because you don't want to be a failure/quitter.
Because you made a commitment and like to be the kind of person who sticks by their commitments (until you realize that committing to something broken is stupid).
Because it's easy and comfortable and known and convenient.
Because it's nice to have someone warm and friendly around while you're scoping for the right person.
Because you don't think you will find anything or anyone better.
Because you don't want to hurt a lot of people's feelings (not just the SO, but their family, your family, friends, etc).
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Old 08-27-2012, 09:10 AM
 
14,396 posts, read 17,265,047 times
Reputation: 11189
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Because you don't want to be a failure/quitter.
Because you made a commitment and like to be the kind of person who sticks by their commitments (until you realize that committing to something broken is stupid).
Because it's easy and comfortable and known and convenient.
Because it's nice to have someone warm and friendly around while you're scoping for the right person.
Because you don't think you will find anything or anyone better.
Because you don't want to hurt a lot of people's feelings (not just the SO, but their family, your family, friends, etc).
Oh my god.
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