Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I went out with this girl last night, hadn't seen her in more than a month at a match.com thingy. She's intelligent, and I had plenty to talk about with all my interests, I can go in a conversation and expand on topic after topic. But still every now and then there'll be a pause, and sometimes she'd ask me something sort of interview style, since we were getting to know each other.
So I don't know if I'd want to try hanging out again.
Pluses:
-She likes some of the same shows I like, and she's into comic books (not that I am, its' just part of the smart girl thing)
-she likes to cook, too
Minuses:
-She's kind of a homebody, she said she gets nervous in crowds,but I like to try to go out.
-she's kinda not that attractive. I wasn't too attracted to her. Not bad looking, but, I dunno. She kinda had too slight eyebrows which was weird
-she lives kinda far for me.
-She from another far away country,
So I don't know if I should try again with her, or leave it.
Are dates like us cooking together better? Doing stuff we like?
I honestly don't "feel" stuff like this strongly one way or another. I know some people say you gotta feel it out, but I don't have that much feeling.
Yup, like I said, another case of "IT'S NOT ME, IT'S THEM". All of "them", apparently.
Simple defense mechanism. It's comforting to tell yourself it's those guys' faults, partly it helps you tell yourself you'll never be in the same boat. But one day you might actually want a family life, and you'll find you're actually not that interesting and not marriage material.
comic books are part of the smart girl thing? uh.... ?!
Sparse eyebrows are a deal-breaker?
Maybe you're not ready for this process, or this person, at any rate. But if there is another date, try going to a museum, if there's a good one in your area. Asian art museums have anime exhibits these days, if you catch 'em at the right time. Do either of you like art? You could go art gallery-hopping. If you make it an evening activity, the galleries usually all have their monthly show openings on the same evening, usually something like the first Friday of the month, and they have free refreshments. If she might not like the crowds, go during the day. Or look in your newspaper to see if there are any outdoor concerts or other outdoor events.
Cooking together would involve being in either her or your kitchen. Might be a little too personal at this stage. If next date goes well, you could suggest it, though.
OP, are you an Aspie? This sounds suspiciously like AS to me, especially the dislike of small-talk.
Just to weigh in on this (don't have aspergers or anything related, do have depression though.)
When I was growing up, I was in a talk only if you have something useful to say culture. We didn't come up and enthuse glowingly about our day. If someone had something to say, he/she said it. Otherwise, nothing. This has kind of not prepared me for American culture, where people are very skilled at talking about nothing in particular. Usually if there is a topic that interests me, I can go on and on. But I try not to talk about things I know nothing about, which is a heck of a lot of things. I don't know if the OP came from a similar culture but I don 't think one has to be socially awkward or have Aspergers to dislike frivolous conversation.
For example, I really like when on a date the person is forward and direct to their interests or important topics, like politics and history, that makes me feel engaged in the conversation. I can listen to a woman talk for an eternity about food, dance, music, science, etc. But if it's just small talk, then I feel like if I bring up something else more serious it'll be too abrupt and kill the mood.
I went out with this girl last night, hadn't seen her in more than a month at a match.com thingy. She's intelligent, and I had plenty to talk about with all my interests, I can go in a conversation and expand on topic after topic. But still every now and then there'll be a pause, and sometimes she'd ask me something sort of interview style, since we were getting to know each other.
So I don't know if I'd want to try hanging out again.
Pluses:
-She likes some of the same shows I like, and she's into comic books (not that I am, its' just part of the smart girl thing)
-she likes to cook, too
Minuses:
-She's kind of a homebody, she said she gets nervous in crowds,but I like to try to go out.
-she's kinda not that attractive. I wasn't too attracted to her. Not bad looking, but, I dunno. She kinda had too slight eyebrows which was weird
-she lives kinda far for me.
-She from another far away country,
So I don't know if I should try again with her, or leave it.
Are dates like us cooking together better? Doing stuff we like?
I honestly don't "feel" stuff like this strongly one way or another. I know some people say you gotta feel it out, but I don't have that much feeling.
Well, you might have it in your mind that eventually you want some kind of "family life"', but bear in mind that "family life" involves sitting across the dinner table with that person for years and years. It involves being interested enough in that person that you can't wait to talk to her/him. In short -- you have to find that person interesting, and you have to be interesting too.
This is not "small talk". This is -- who are you? Where do you come from? What do you like, and why? What do you dislike and why?
I am an Aspie, and I have learned how to do small talk. It's like a script. However, small talk on a date? No. That would be a short, one-time date for sure.
For example, I really like when on a date the person is forward and direct to their interests or important topics, like politics and history, that makes me feel engaged in the conversation. I can listen to a woman talk for an eternity about food, dance, music, science, etc. But if it's just small talk, then I feel like if I bring up something else more serious it'll be too abrupt and kill the mood.
I tend to agree with this. I tend to skip over the small talk and cut to the chase, get into interesting, meaty topics. Small talk has its place, though; it can help put people at ease. It's good as an introduction of sorts, a warm-up.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
