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I don't think you can compare a moment of weakness when you were a teenager 15 years ago, to an on-going affair which is happening in real time. You aren't the same person you were 15 years ago, hopefully you've learned, grown, and matured. You weren't married and you also don't know if he was cheating on you way back then also.
Bringing it up now only gives him leverage to justify his affair. Focus on what is going on now in your relationship. Anyone who lives in the past and dwells on shyt that happened in their relationships a decade ago or more will never be happy. Come to terms with this fling you had as a 19 year old kid and focus on how and if you are going to deal with this affair.
I don't think you can compare a moment of weakness when you were a teenager 15 years ago, to an on-going affair which is happening in real time. You aren't the same person you were 15 years ago, hopefully you've learned, grown, and matured. You weren't married and you also don't know if he was cheating on you way back then also.
Bringing it up now only gives him leverage to justify his affair. Focus on what is going on now in your relationship. Anyone who lives in the past and dwells on shyt that happened in their relationships a decade ago or more will never be happy. Come to terms with this fling you had as a 19 year old kid and focus on how and if you are going to deal with this affair.
Adultery (also called philandery, anglicized from Latin adulterium) is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than the lawful spouse
I got that from wikipedia.
Yes. Cheating within' the marriage is more severe than cheating in a relationship. In this situation and in my eyes, both people should know of what they did to each other and should seek counseling.
Oh. Something that irks me.
People who come on here and say that she was "single" when she slept with that person is incorrect.
She was NOT single. If she was single or just seeing her husband, there would be no need for remorse. However, she's coming off as though she was already COMMITTED to the man, therefore her sleeping wiht said person when she was drunk is in fact cheating and she should be worrying about it, as that information may have altered his life and decision making.
That's where I stand.
Well, sorry honey, but "not married" IS "single".
She may have been dating him, but she was not even engaged to him yet.
What she did just cannot be compared to what he has done and we are getting off track even discussing it actually.
Ah. OK. Then nevermind everything I said. everything.
Peace.
Awwww - don't go away upset!
While our OP was in fact "single" she wasn't technically "available" by having a boyfriend and we can all agree, even her, that what she did wasn't right
While our OP was in fact "single" she wasn't technically "available" by having a boyfriend and we can all agree, even her, that what she did wasn't right
Nope. My posts directly reflected with what I believe in, what I taught myself as well as what my parents tried to instill into me while I was growing up, and what everyone posts about it is actually how it should be viewed which makes me in the extreme minority. My posts fall on deaf ears and I probably shouldn't have made any post on this thread in the first place.
Sorry OP, you won't hear from me on this thread again, and best of luck to you.
Keep your mouth shut! There is no reason to hurt him, telling him what you did before you got married won't make him feel any better. A one night stand before you got married is far different than an affair after you got married. At least he is remorseful, so that is a good start. See a counselor and get the problems straightened out between you, but don't add to them, just keep your mouth shut. Yeah, you shouldn't have done what you did, but, you weren't married at the time and that makes a big difference...
Keep your mouth shut! There is no reason to hurt him, telling him what you did before you got married won't make him feel any better. A one night stand before you got married is far different than an affair after you got married. At least he is remorseful, so that is a good start. See a counselor and get the problems straightened out between you, but don't add to them, just keep your mouth shut. Yeah, you shouldn't have done what you did, but, you weren't married at the time and that makes a big difference...
I'm noticing an interesting trend here...the posters over a certain age are all falling into the same category on this advice.
I'm proud to be in such great company as yours my friend
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