14+ years of marriage, should I keep forgiving or throw in the towel? (girl, husband)
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I would say divorce him. I don't think that a few counseling sessions will stop him from finding odd sexual outlets. If he was just watching porn I would say who cares, every man watches porn! But webcam is a bit different, that's live interaction. I personally wouldn't be able to handle it. Find a man who is more on your level, you sound like a well adjusted woman with good intentions.
Porn is HEALTHY!!?? Clearly, I have an entirely different view on what IS and what is NOT healthy.
1. All guys have (varying levels) of testosterone..
2. Testosterone drives a mans sex drive..
3. Men get horny
4. It's un-realistic to believe men won't find other women attractive.
5. Porn allows men to fulfill fantasies, without meeting a stranger outside the relationship, and introducing STDs to the partner..
6. Porn allows the monogamy to continue, without placing handcuffs on partners and giving the childish "YOU MUST ONLY LOOK AT ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" scolding..
7. Porn is reality. All guys at one point or another will look at it, some just hide it better.
Women can experience the same thing, but men are visual and the affect of porn is often..visual.
The problem is when women assign more value to it than the men do. No - he doesn't want to leave you for them, no he doesn't want a relationship with them, yes he still loves you completely, no just because he does stuff to their pics/videos, doesn't mean he would cheat on you with them if he had the chance.....
"So I'm not making a decision off the advice of citi-data forum, lol, but I just kinda want to know what some of you all think".
I'm posting blind, as I can only imagine the responses you've been given thus far. But this sentence sticks out to me because it addresses the very thoughts that were going through my mind when you mentioned being a christian. If your final decision has nothing to do with what is said here(and it shouldn't) then I'm curious as to why you want to know what anyone thinks who isn't of the same "mind" as you if you are a christian? It's like me asking a 5 year old advice on how I should handle my boss and co-workers.
You're going to read a wide range of things, things that won't be in agreement with what you profess to believe, if you truly are a christian, so what is the point?
"So I'm not making a decision off the advice of citi-data forum, lol, but I just kinda want to know what some of you all think".
I'm posting blind, as I can only imagine the responses you've been given thus far. But this sentence sticks out to me because it addresses the very thoughts that were going through my mind when you mentioned being a christian. If your final decision has nothing to do with what is said here(and it shouldn't) then I'm curious as to why you want to know what anyone thinks who isn't of the same "mind" as you if you are a christian? It's like me asking a 5 year old advice on how I should handle my boss and co-workers.
You're going to read a wide range of things, things that won't be in agreement with what you profess to believe, if you truly are a christian, so what is the point?
Good point. If she is really looking for advise based on Christian faith, then a general city-data post is going to be all over the board.
That said, even a Christian should and will acknowledge that biblically, God allows divorce. Divorce is a constant as being allowed in the Old Testament, and it is mentioned and allowed in some specific instances in the New Testament as well. (Particularly in the instance of the spouse cheating).
Ultimately, this all boils down to common sense. Whether we search Christian scripture, or just analyze this critically... if her husband is obviously showing signs he is no longer emotionally in love with her, interested in being part of her life, and i showing a lot of suspicious signs of cheating (or trying to cheat), and has no interest to reconnect or repair the marriage, then of course the OP is justified leaving and seeking a divorce.
I suppose I could address each issue in your OP, and tell you that in my opinion, it's not so much that he goes to strip clubs or mud wrestling as the fact that he is deceitful and deceptive about it, and that it's not so much that he looks at porn as that he looks at porn that might involve underage girls. I can also say that coming home reeking of sex is disgusting and I wouldn't go near him with a 10-foot-pole after that, and I can also ask you why, if you hate giving oral, you bother with it because even though you do it to please him, he probably picks up on your aversion to doing it, which does neither of you any good after his sexual gratification--and if he doesn't pick up on it, he's a selfish tool.
But really, it comes down to this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sara400
I really love my life except for the fact that I don't know if I like my marriage. I'm happier and less stressed when my husband is at work or away from the house anyway.
You're happier when he's not around.
The day I came to that conclusion in my own marriage was the day I asked for a separation and divorce.
1. All guys have (varying levels) of testosterone..
2. Testosterone drives a mans sex drive..
3. Men get horny
4. It's un-realistic to believe men won't find other women attractive.
5. Porn allows men to fulfill fantasies, without meeting a stranger outside the relationship, and introducing STDs to the partner..
6. Porn allows the monogamy to continue, without placing handcuffs on partners and giving the childish "YOU MUST ONLY LOOK AT ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" scolding..
7. Porn is reality. All guys at one point or another will look at it, some just hide it better.
Women can experience the same thing, but men are visual and the affect of porn is often..visual.
The problem is when women assign more value to it than the men do. No - he doesn't want to leave you for them, no he doesn't want a relationship with them, yes he still loves you completely, no just because he does stuff to their pics/videos, doesn't mean he would cheat on you with them if he had the chance.....
That's why porn is healthy...
^^An opinion, nothing more! One could also say, "The problem is, when men don't CARE if their women are offended by it!" The problem is, that some men continue to do it, even though their wives have let them know just how offended and hurt they are by it. The problem is, men then LIE to their wives and claim that they're going to stop. The problem is....they eventually get caught and revealed to be liars. The problem is..... these men are WEAK, because they would risk THAT much...just to view pornography!
^^An opinion, nothing more! One could also say, "The problem is, when men don't CARE if their women are offended by it!" The problem is, that some men continue to do it, even though their wives have let them know just how offended and hurt they are by it. The problem is, men then LIE to their wives and claim that they're going to stop. The problem is....they eventually get caught and revealed to be liars. The problem is..... these men are WEAK, because they would risk THAT much...just to view pornography!
Yep, because nothing says mature, confident and loving like forcing partners to stop doing something that
A, doesn't exposure them to risks of STDs
B, doesn't involve another person interfering in the marriage
C, relieves a biological urge in a safe and non-harmful environment.
All because they took offense and allowed their hurt ego to control themselves & their partners life..
..then they call the behavior signs of being "weak," and guys "liars" when she forces her will on them and scares them into submitting to her intolerance..
Last edited by TheEarthBeneathMe; 09-06-2012 at 01:45 PM..
Good point. If she is really looking for advise based on Christian faith, then a general city-data post is going to be all over the board.
That said, even a Christian should and will acknowledge that biblically, God allows divorce. Divorce is a constant as being allowed in the Old Testament, and it is mentioned and allowed in some specific instances in the New Testament as well. (Particularly in the instance of the spouse cheating).
Ultimately, this all boils down to common sense. Whether we search Christian scripture, or just analyze this critically... if her husband is obviously showing signs he is no longer emotionally in love with her, interested in being part of her life, and i showing a lot of suspicious signs of cheating (or trying to cheat), and has no interest to reconnect or repair the marriage, then of course the OP is justified leaving and seeking a divorce.
Yeah! notice, that I personally gave no advice, divorce or otherwise. I'm seeking clarification.
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