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My current situation is I am in a relationship which we just like good friends who argue a lot, and go on vacation, joke, laugh, but no real deep love, although I do care for her - we have been together for 14 years and its basically gone sexless - I can't blame her as I really just don't want to have sex her, I'd rather surf the net. I just find her boring and irritating, generally childish, and pain in the ass most of the time - If we could just see each other about a few times a week that would be fine. Its almost like living with a workmate, or colleague someone who is cordial but you generally get the feeling you don't completely trust them, or like she is competition who has the best job or car etc - I get enough of that from other people, don't really want to come home to that.
We argue on average 3- 4 times a week, vacations can be a nightmare, weekends are bad when we spend a long period time together, and have been on the verge or breaking up lots of times.
I have spoke to her on numerous occasions about getting a divorce, but she won't break up, but at the same time won't make an effort in the relationship - its like she is just holding me in this loveless relationship because she just can't make the effort to get a divorce. She is wasting her time, and will get near the menopause and have no kids the way she is going - there is no getting through to her she just lives in denial about the state of the relationship, puts her head in the sand - I don't know why she keeps hanging on to this.
She actually said, I should just move out, she does not want to pay one penny for a divorce. We have no kids, I distinctly get the feeling she is at some level hoping for me to move out, and make life easy for her, then I need to go rent a place etc, and then drag out selling the place.
So what should, just wait, wait an continue the way were going, and wait her out until she gives up, agrees to sell the house, and we move on separate ways.
The thing is everyone thinks were a great couple, had a big wedding, and yes it would all look bad, and be embarrassing to the family.
Plus the other thing which keeps me is having kids, In my mid 30s, I can't wait much longer, but at the same time - we just can't even bring ourselves to have sex.
The other thing is when I talk to others about, they just ignore it or say its just a normal marriage, and you have to put up with it, get some hobbies - I personally don't think living with some who is just a load of stress and hassle is a healthy way to live your life.
The other thing, I am not the grass would be greener in another relationship, I think to some degree all women are difficult - I'd probably stay single. Being single presents its own challenges, its harder mentally at times - I think being in a relationship helps you get through stress better - and at least your being challenged by another, and not living in your own little world.
I'd just have to live with being weirdo single guy in his 30s. Or just keep plodding on, at least I won't look bad to others.
Who knows what the next one will be like - I guy who got divorced said to me to work on building the marriage you in - as the next one won't be any better , he also said women play hard to get, then once you marry you can't get rid of them.
So, she doesn't want a divorce for whatever reason, yet wants you to move out. Do you want a divorce? Do you think you may want another - better - relationship sometime in the future? If so, then you should initiate a divorce whether she wants one or not. Of course, if neither of you want or expect another relationship, then I suppose a divorce isn't necessary, but does keep you tied together in many ways, such as for financial, debt, insurance, tax, pension, and inheritance purposes.
I'd say move out and move on. I was in a 14 yr relationship and broke it off and moved out. We weren't married, but we were actually good friends who always got along good. We were like good friends who lived together. Not as bad as your situation however there were things about him that I was fed up with (he was negative towards the world). I wanted more from a relationship (I was 34). So we split up and I moved out of the house, he stayed there for 6 months and the house went into foreclosure (it was WAY upside down )
Now I'm in a relationship that sounds more like yours. Oh boy! Time to think again.. Good luck, it's tough.
Go ahead and wait it out and you will be waiting another 14 years and asking the same question. The divorce court does not demand that females ONLY file for divorce. Go get an attorney, file for divorce and let the court decide who stays in the house and who moves then go from there. It's either that or stay in an unhappy situation and remain miserable until you grow a spine and do what sounds like should have been done years ago.
I'm confused. Why can't you divorce her, if she won't do it?
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