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...I'm in no way physically attracted to this girl. And she likes me as well, and is perhaps more invested affectionately towards me than I am towards her.
I like this girl a lot. We are connected on so many levels and it seems like we are an ideal match. I have attempted to make myself feel physically attracted towards her, but that hasn't worked out so well. We have tried dating, nothing too overblown. I was hoping that my lack of physical attraction would give way to my deeper feelings about who she is as a person (kind, sweet, generous, caring, etc.). We kissed last night and I just did not feel it. In fact, I was almost repulsed by it. And it's not because I'm not attracted to women; I know for a fact that I am. It's that I'm not attracted to certain physical qualities that she possesses. If this sheds any light on the situation, she looks very much like her father. Her body is great, but her face looks like her father's in such a way that it's hard for me to get past.
I feel awful at this point. I feel like I've taken this to a point of no return. I don't want to lose her friendship, but I feel like there may be no other choice.
I don't want to tell her that I'm not physically attracted to her, that just seems so brutal to tell another person, particularly a vulnerable girl. What are your thoughts? Do you think I need to just walk away from this relationship? Do you think that it's no longer salvageable at this point?
I'd go with "I'm really focused on my career right now and it's not fair to you if.."
Or, "I'm moving to Jerusalem.."
Or, "Look, I love you, but I'm not 'in love' with you..."
...I'm in no way physically attracted to this girl. And she likes me as well, and is perhaps more invested affectionately towards me than I am towards her.
I like this girl a lot. We are connected on so many levels and it seems like we are an ideal match. I have attempted to make myself feel physically attracted towards her, but that hasn't worked out so well. We have tried dating, nothing too overblown. I was hoping that my lack of physical attraction would give way to my deeper feelings about who she is as a person (kind, sweet, generous, caring, etc.). We kissed last night and I just did not feel it. In fact, I was almost repulsed by it. And it's not because I'm not attracted to women; I know for a fact that I am. It's that I'm not attracted to certain physical qualities that she possesses. If this sheds any light on the situation, she looks very much like her father. Her body is great, but her face looks like her father's in such a way that it's hard for me to get past.
I feel awful at this point. I feel like I've taken this to a point of no return. I don't want to lose her friendship, but I feel like there may be no other choice.
I don't want to tell her that I'm not physically attracted to her, that just seems so brutal to tell another person, particularly a vulnerable girl. What are your thoughts? Do you think I need to just walk away from this relationship? Do you think that it's no longer salvageable at this point?
Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt!
Look, it happens.
I applaud your sensitivity. You are obviously a good person and don't want to hurt someone else because of something neither of you has any control over. Good for you.
The fact is, you just can manufacture chemistry between two people - it's either there or not.
I know it's hard when all the other things have lined up so perfectly to just walk away when the chemistry is not there - but you really have to.
Hopefully you can convey to her how great you think she is and how much you really hope to continue the friendship. But do go ahead and let her know now that you just aren't feeling it before she becomes any further invested.
Perhaps you can tell her the truth in a way that's not offensive. Something like, "I truly like you and think we're very compatible, but after that kiss the other day I am very disappointed that I'm not feeling any chemistry between us."
As LM says, you can't manufacture chemistry. Tell her that it's an issue of chemistry - which does not necessarily mean you find her unattractive. (I remember one ex saying to me after our first (and very successful) kiss: "Oh thank god, I was worried we wouldn't have that 'spark' - you can never tell if it's going to be there or not.") But chemistry is chemistry.
I do think however that if you do feel a connection with this woman you may eventually find her attractive. I realize guys are more "visual," but on more than one occasion, I have come to be attracted to a man after I got to know him, even if I found him unattractive initially. Your brain glosses over the imperfections.
Perhaps you can tell her the truth in a way that's not offensive. Something like, "I truly like you and think we're very compatible, but after that kiss the other day I am very disappointed that I'm not feeling any chemistry between us."
I like this approach.
It's never easy to let someone down. No matter how hard you try, they are likely to feel rejected.
There is no way to not hurt her feelings if she is invested in the relationship. That is the unfortunate byproduct of breaking up. Still, you don't have to be insulting. I like the "no chemistry" tactic. It's still not going to be taken by her as ideal, but it is the truth. You just don't feel the sparks of attraction you need, despite being very compatable in other areas.
Why are you dating a woman you're not attracted to in the first place?
He was probably berated by feminist rhetoric into thinking looks don't matter.
I say that somewhat satirically, but it's happened to me in the past and I almost bought into it. Thankfully I got smarter.
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