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My wife of 23 yrs left me and our 16 yr old son to pursue her new life 'doing what she wants to no matter what anyone else thinks'. That was almost 2 yrs ago and she has recently filed for divorce.
Her best friend who is also a christian disapproves of the divorce and lets her know it. I've known her best friend all these years through my wife. Anyways, I started speaking to her friend several months ago and she encourages me spiritually to hang in there no matter what the outcome of the marriage.
About a week ago my wife found out her best friend and I have been talking and she told her friend she doesnt want it to continue. When I found this out, I called my wife who angrily insists that it is a conflict for her friend to be communicating with me. My son, inadvertenly mentioned to her that the friend and her 19 yr old daughter stopped to my house for dinner one time when they were in the area. It was just a social friendly visit that lasted a couple of hours at most. We talked about her stopping again when ever in town the same way its been over the years.
So now I feel pretty sad because being fairly private person, I have just one other person- a male church friend who I confide in. I emailed wife's best friend to let her know how much her support and encouragment meant to me and how much I'll miss her and each of her kids (I knew them since they were babies).
I feel such a void in my life with my wife gone and now worse since learning this morning that her friend is forced to choose her over communicating with me.
I just think thats selfish of my wife. Am I wrong?
Yah- if the woman is dumping you...through divorce...she is taking as much away from you as she can- which includes things that belong to her...such as her friends that might be your friends...Sounds like there is some hate going on - may as well live with it cos' it's not going away- If it could go away - the divorce would have never occurred.
My wife of 23 yrs left me and our 16 yr old son to pursue her new life 'doing what she wants to no matter what anyone else thinks'. That was almost 2 yrs ago and she has recently filed for divorce.
Her best friend who is also a christian disapproves of the divorce and lets her know it. I've known her best friend all these years through my wife. Anyways, I started speaking to her friend several months ago and she encourages me spiritually to hang in there no matter what the outcome of the marriage.
About a week ago my wife found out her best friend and I have been talking and she told her friend she doesnt want it to continue. When I found this out, I called my wife who angrily insists that it is a conflict for her friend to be communicating with me. My son, inadvertenly mentioned to her that the friend and her 19 yr old daughter stopped to my house for dinner one time when they were in the area. It was just a social friendly visit that lasted a couple of hours at most. We talked about her stopping again when ever in town the same way its been over the years.
So now I feel pretty sad because being fairly private person, I have just one other person- a male church friend who I confide in. I emailed wife's best friend to let her know how much her support and encouragment meant to me and how much I'll miss her and each of her kids (I knew them since they were babies).
I feel such a void in my life with my wife gone and now worse since learning this morning that her friend is forced to choose her over communicating with me.
I just think thats selfish of my wife. Am I wrong?
This is something for your wife and her friend to work out.
Sounds to me like her friend will handle doing what she thinks is right, so I wouldn't spend a second worrying about it.
This is something for your wife and her friend to work out.
Sounds to me like her friend will handle doing what she thinks is right, so I wouldn't spend a second worrying about it.
That is my thought as well.
Divorce is hard on friends of the couple and they almost always get divided up. I do not have any mutual friends with my ex, even among people we had known for more than 25 years. It is what it is.
I agree with the wife personally. If I was going through a divorce I wouldn't want my best friend hanging out with my future ex either. Get your own friends.
It is your friends choice whether to fall to the pressure of your wife to not be friends with you or not. Ultimately it is not your wife's choice nor concern who you are friends with. She left you because she wanted to do what she wanted to do no matter what so it is up to you do to what you want to do no matter what and it is the same with your mutual friend. There is nothing wrong with your friend being friends with you both but your wife is being ridiculous making demands that are none of her business. Don't give up on the friend, just know that your friend will do what they feel is the right thing to do for themselves and not for anyone else. I doubt that the friend gives in to your wife's pressure to not be friends with you anyway.
I agree with the wife personally. If I was going through a divorce I wouldn't want my best friend hanging out with my future ex either. Get your own friends.
Also you posted this on the wrong forum, fyi.
Not wanting it to happen and the fact that it is happening are two completely different things and not your choice who your friends or ex spouse' friends are.
Not wanting it to happen and the fact that it is happening are two completely different things and not your choice who your friends or ex spouse' friends are.
Well I guess if you spoke your mind on the subject, and they decided not to respect your wishes, and just did whatever they wanted then they aren't much of a friend and the Ex can have them
An ex has no say over who your friends have to be -- but she can give her friend an ultimatum -- very often people with a couple-friend that is divorcing (same with family members) find themselves forced to choose.
It's one thing though for someone to want to leave his/her spouse, but to leave his or her own child also seems to show what kind of person they really are. You might have been leaning too much on this mutual friend though for your own good. It would be best to not expect the friend to choose you and just find other friends.
Heh. She left you. I don't see why she cares who hangs out with you. I think the friend is going to get tired of your ex-wife's dictates.
Heck, my cousin's ever-expanding group of friends (the core of which started in middle school) has numerous exes included in it, including several who became friends with the others only after dating one of the original friends. Sometimes it gets awkward when a new relationship starts, but there's very little "dividing up" of friendships that goes on. I've always admired their ability to include people rather than exclude them.
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