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Some of you guys may remember when I spooked a guy (met via OKC) I really liked after sex by getting a little clingy. I’d fallen into a depression, hadn’t noticed it and started acting more than a bit out of character (though not at all “psycho” – just a little needy, when I hadn’t shown any sign of that before). Up to that point, he had liked me and we’d been on a few very enjoyable dates. We had a lot of chemistry, and seemed to have similar moral compasses, values, etc. Oh, and the sex we finally had on that last occasion was pretty awesome (as he informed me at the time and in the days after). After realizing I was in a depression, I sent him a note explaining why I’d acted weird, took down my profile and set about getting myself back on track. There was no response from him. Two months later, I re-activated my profile and sent him a brief and nonthreatening “Hi, how are you?” note, as suggested by some of the folks on here. No response. That’s fine – I gave it a shot and he’s just not interested.
But he was still in my “Favorites” while I waited for a response (mentally, I gave him about a week to respond), meaning I could see if he was currently viewing the site. During that time, I noticed that he would always turn off his chat function within a few minutes of me clicking on the site, or – if I was online before him – within a few minutes (possibly seconds) of HIM clicking on the site. I’m on OKC quite a bit due to working long hours from home (I leave it up on a separate browser with my FB page and a few other “fun” sites), and he’s on it several times a day – so I’ve had a lot of opportunities to observe this trend. And it happens EVERY TIME. He starts out with the chat function enabled, and then quickly disables it. In fact, it just happened AGAIN this morning. This pattern does not occur with ANY of the other men in my Favorites list and never happened with him before things got weird. So instead of just blocking him after not hearing from him for a week after my email to him, I’ve kind of been keeping tabs on how often this has happened over the last 6 weeks or so.
I’ll admit that I’m somewhat amused that I can send this guy scurrying just by popping up online, but I’m rather perplexed by his actions. Why handle it THIS way?
He could just block me – he’d even still be able to view my information, but I wouldn’t be able to see his. It’s also very easy to do – I do it all the time with guys who creep me out. The current guy in question is also very tech-savvy and has had his profile up on this site for some time.
I’m obviously still in his Favorites list if he’s able to see my status so quickly every time.
Apart from that single one-sentence email almost 2 months ago, I have not made a single attempt to contact him. I have not texted or called. So why is he so paranoid about me IM-ing him? Even if I did, ignoring it wouldn’t be that hard.
And it just seems like a real PITA for him - to be on constant alert for me to pop up and then moving to turn off his chat function immediately after. He’s been doing this consistently for six weeks, for crying out loud!
I understand that he’s not interested, and I know that sometimes people just do weird stuff. But why handle this so bizarrely and inefficiently? Or is this just normal behavior? I figured I’d ask before I do what he apparently can’t figure out how to do, and just go ahead and block him. My little field experiment is coming to an end, but despite gathering significant data, I can draw no conclusions – the only possibility I see is that he liked the sex so much that he’s willing to brave what he sees as my particular kind of crazy should he have a dry spell and he’s just “keeping the door open.” But I could tell him in advance that that plan won’t work so well. For a guy who is very efficient, strategic and calculating (and I don’t mean that in a bad way, necessarily) in everything he does, this is just WEIRD.
he probably has no idea what to say to you or handle someone with depression so he casually acts as though he is never around. he has also probably moved on to a new girl seeing how he still frequents those type of sites
just remove him and forget about it. the next thing you know he will be contacting you when its convenient for him (aka: nobody wants to talk to him) and you will be asking yourself "what did i do wrong to be treated this way" when the next girl wanders into a chat box that puts winky faces at the end of her sentences
He should not be on your friends list, let alone favorites. Block that guy and forget him.
There's no "friends" list on OKC. And he doesn't know he's in my "Favorites" list. He's already out of contention for anything as far as I'm concerned - there's no "good" explanation for his behavior. But anomalous behavior does interest me.
I'm actually shutting down my OKC page entirely again soon, I think. It's just gotten boring and disappointing. Definitely time for a break!
There's no "friends" list on OKC. And he doesn't know he's in my "Favorites" list. He's already out of contention for anything as far as I'm concerned - there's no "good" explanation for his behavior. But anomalous behavior does interest me.
I'm actually shutting down my OKC page entirely again soon, I think. It's just gotten boring and disappointing. Definitely time for a break!
Agreed, there is no good reason for it. These dating sites sound horrible.
Agreed, there is no good reason for it. These dating sites sound horrible.
I dunno - on the whole, I've had some very good experiences, a few outsized stories to tell my friends and no really TERRIBLE experiences. Actually, if you compare my dates from online with my dates with men I've met in other ways, the online dates have been far better experiences. I think that's simply because there's a chance to establish a level of basic compatibility without passion playing into it before you actually go out with the guy.
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