Be careful who you share your weaknesses with... (how to, woman, family)

[robertpolyglot]

To the point.

[jmellc]

Originally Posted by kat949

Paranoia. If people use it against you, then you benefit to see them for their true colors. You can then decide and chose where you stand in their battle, and also chose not to be a part of it.

Fear can mess with people's minds in so many ways. Seriously- face it.

I've seen people lose jobs after being backstabbed by those they confided in. I've seen friends turned against friends the same way. Always be careful what you tell someone about yourself. We all have something we aren't proud of. Keep things on a "need to know" basis for awhile with a new friend or coworker. See how they handle other people's secrets, whether they manipulate others, etc. They won't keep your secret any better than they do with others.

Example: A friend had some really embarassing issues in his past. A coworker he'd just met came on like he was a great Christian brother. Unsuspecting, my buddy confided a few things. It was out within the hour. He didn't get fired but he couldn't face other people there & left that day. He kept telling me "he was a Christian brother, what made him tell that?". I reminded him that the guy may have been a Christian in name only, may have been new to the faith, may have been a self righteous Pharisee type, etc. He learned a hard lesson that day.

This is not fear or paranoia, this is common sense & survival. Never confide secrets to someone you just met.

[nj21]

Very true!

I have always been so self conscious about these scars I have from an accident.

So when I confided in my boyfriend (now ex-bf) and showed him and told him what happened, then he talked about how hideous they were when we got in an argument, I had to let him go!

And I was extremely hurt.

I'm never taking off my clothes for a guy ever again!

[Bmateo]

Originally Posted by kat949

Paranoia. If people use it against you, then you benefit to see them for their true colors. You can then decide and chose where you stand in their battle, and also chose not to be a part of it.

Fear can mess with people's minds in so many ways. Seriously- face it.

My dad always used to say "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that everyone ISN'T out to get me."

Funny statement, but if you think about it, it's pretty sage advice.

The OP is good advice, I sometimes need to learn to **** and follow it.....

[brokensky]

Originally Posted by jmellc

I've seen people lose jobs after being backstabbed by those they confided in. I've seen friends turned against friends the same way. Always be careful what you tell someone about yourself. We all have something we aren't proud of. Keep things on a "need to know" basis for awhile with a new friend or coworker. See how they handle other people's secrets, whether they manipulate others, etc. They won't keep your secret any better than they do with others.

Example: A friend had some really embarassing issues in his past. A coworker he'd just met came on like he was a great Christian brother. Unsuspecting, my buddy confided a few things. It was out within the hour. He didn't get fired but he couldn't face other people there & left that day. He kept telling me "he was a Christian brother, what made him tell that?". I reminded him that the guy may have been a Christian in name only, may have been new to the faith, may have been a self righteous Pharisee type, etc. He learned a hard lesson that day.

This is not fear or paranoia, this is common sense & survival. Never confide secrets to someone you just met.

One of the biggest lessons I learned in life was having an older coworker befriend me and then backstab me. The whole time, she was simply gathering info so she could use it against me to get promoted into the job I was in line for. Complicated situation, but all the while, I thought she was "helping me" and all she was doing is snooping, pointing out what mistakes I had made while in a learning curve, and "proving" that she not only had "rescued me and been such a wonderful mentor," she actually was more suited for the job. I was young and totally naive and had no clue what was transpiring. Luckily, a friend who happened to work at the same company and had a history w/ my "mentor" saw what was going on and intervened in time for me to recoup from any damage my friendly volunteer "mentor" had caused.

That was shocking but I learned that just b/c someone can seem so interested and helpful, it doesn't mean they are genuine and it may mean they have a completely hidden agenda that includes my downfall.

Best to be be very careful about who you confide in, trust or even share info with. It can certainly be used against you, even by people who appear to be on "your team."

[Frihed89]

Being truly open and vulnerable has many personal and relationship benefits, but yes it is risky. Appearing open and vulnerable can work on potential enemies who are aggressive, if you also have a plan to outflank and attack them once they have advanced into your vulnerable zone certain of victory.

[Frihed89]

Originally Posted by anifani821

One of the biggest lessons I learned in life was having an older coworker befriend me and then backstab me. The whole time, she was simply gathering info so she could use it against me to get promoted into the job I was in line for. Complicated situation, but all the while, I thought she was "helping me" and all she was doing is snooping, pointing out what mistakes I had made while in a learning curve, and "proving" that she not only had "rescued me and been such a wonderful mentor," she actually was more suited for the job. I was young and totally naive and had no clue what was transpiring. Luckily, a friend who happened to work at the same company and had a history w/ my "mentor" saw what was going on and intervened in time for me to recoup from any damage my friendly volunteer "mentor" had caused.

That was shocking but I learned that just b/c someone can seem so interested and helpful, it doesn't mean they are genuine and it may mean they have a completely hidden agenda that includes my downfall.

Best to be be very careful about who you confide in, trust or even share info with. It can certainly be used against you, even by people who appear to be on "your team."

Yes, it is too bad you didn't catch on. C'est la vie and live and learn.

These people are also the easiest trap, as when you give them an off-hand idea that is fatally flawed, but in a subtle way, and they present it to their boss as their own idea.

It may take a while for people like this to get their "just deserts" (if you can't stop them), but in my experience eventually it becomes clear to those who supervise them that ambition, alone, is poor substitute for talent.

I hope you have been able to repair the damage.

[cinnabar]

confidentiality is sacred to me. i've had to find out the hard way, that even the people i trust, just can't be trusted to hold privacy and confidentiality to the same level of importance as i do. there always seems to be some person that they consider an exception....women will tell their husbands something i've asked them to keep private, because they 'tell their husband everything'....they never keep secrets from their husband. anything told to them in confidence is considered marital property. or they will tell a friend of theirs that doesn't know me, because....well afterall, that person doesn't know me, so it's somehow ok to tell them. or they somehow justify the telling of a confidence because...."well it was so long ago that you told me, i figured you were over that by now".

my mother is the most innocent and trusting person in the world. i trust her implicitly except i know she is so trusting of others, that she is easily manipulated into telling them stuff they are nosy about, believing they are as good hearted as she is.

i do not confide in anyone anymore....absolutely no-one. a phrase i am always mindful of if anyone ever says it to me: "don't tell (so and so) i told you this, but......" i usually stop a person if they begin a sentence with that phrase, and ask them not to tell me the rest. and i know to be very, very careful about what i say to them, or in front of them in the future.

[jmellc]

Originally Posted by nj21

Very true!

I have always been so self conscious about these scars I have from an accident.

So when I confided in my boyfriend (now ex-bf) and showed him and told him what happened, then he talked about how hideous they were when we got in an argument, I had to let him go!

And I was extremely hurt.

I'm never taking off my clothes for a guy ever again!

Yes, he was lowdown. But please hang in there & don't isolate yourself. There are lots of good men out there who won't be bothered by your scars.

[jmellc]

Originally Posted by cinnabar

confidentiality is sacred to me. i've had to find out the hard way, that even the people i trust, just can't be trusted to hold privacy and confidentiality to the same level of importance as i do. there always seems to be some person that they consider an exception....women will tell their husbands something i've asked them to keep private, because they 'tell their husband everything'....they never keep secrets from their husband. anything told to them in confidence is considered marital property. or they will tell a friend of theirs that doesn't know me, because....well afterall, that person doesn't know me, so it's somehow ok to tell them. or they somehow justify the telling of a confidence because...."well it was so long ago that you told me, i figured you were over that by now".

my mother is the most innocent and trusting person in the world. i trust her implicitly except i know she is so trusting of others, that she is easily manipulated into telling them stuff they are nosy about, believing they are as good hearted as she is.

i do not confide in anyone anymore....absolutely no-one. a phrase i am always mindful of if anyone ever says it to me: "don't tell (so and so) i told you this, but......" i usually stop a person if they begin a sentence with that phrase, and ask them not to tell me the rest. and i know to be very, very careful about what i say to them, or in front of them in the future.

If someone starts to tell me something about himself, I remind him "you don't have to tell me this unless you want to". If he tells me, it stays between us. I am careful about people who like to talk in general. Not evil in itself but sometimes a born talker will "start the tape" and run everything on it before realizing "I wasn't supposed to tell that".