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I have mixed feelings about this - though I can see both sides of the coin.
I can't remember all the details of the OP, so I'll just give my perspective.
If my husband had had an affair, or even a fling, before we were a couple, with someone that I interact with on a regular basis, I would expect him to tell me this. He would expect the same from me. In our relationship, we both consider that "pertinent information." We do NOT, however, care to hear the intimate details of a past relationship -it's enough to know that there was one - and to know how it ended.
We prefer to know what we're dealing with. There are a lot of crazies out there and both of us dated a lot before settling down with each other.
If, say, I was going to a hairdresser regularly - chatting away with her for months or years of regular appointments - and one day I found out that she and my husband had dated, and he never had told me - I would be ticked off at him for keeping that information from me. The fact that they had DATED wouldn't be the big deal - if we wanted to avoid interacting with everyone that we'd ever gone out with in the past, we'd both have to move out of East Texas! It would be the fact that he never told me that would irritate me. I might not be so chatty and free with my personal information about vacations, kid issues, etc. if I knew that the hairdresser and my husband had dated for two years. Just a made up example, by the way, but you get my point.
It doesn't bother me to be around women my husband dated, by the way - in fact, if the information is out in the open, we can both relax and even share some laughs about the dating scene! I know SEVERAL women he dated in the past, and in fact, I am more relaxed about it than they are - I think they are embarrassed, while I am more matter of fact about it (he lived in a small town for thirty years - it's inevitable).
One time at a big social event, a guy I dated once or twice came up to my husband and said, "Good job on snagging her. She was on my short list of potential marriage partners but you've apparently got more mojo than me!" I am glad my husband knew I had dated that guy casually - he wasn't caught off guard, or left wondering what that comment meant, had I slept with this guy who was now a regular business acquaintance, yada yada.
We have found that full disclosure just works best for us, living in a fishbowl like we do.
We are extroverts, and very open about our emotions. We are both from the American South and are friendly and outgoing. We laugh a lot when we are together, and when we are with other people, because we both see the humor in many situations.
In church, during communion, my husband always leans over to me and whispers "Dine in or drive thru?" Some might think that's irreverent but we both believe God has a liberal sense of humor. Lord knows he has to, considering He created the two of us - and then allowed our paths to cross!
We have a lot of fun together and have built a good life with each other. It's not perfect, but we're certainly never bored.
Yeah, you got at least two people believing you. Too bad you won't tell the truth about yourself and the situation. but, ya know what, thats your game. enjoy it.
How do to know what is or is not the truth in this poster's life and mind? Perhaps you two have some former beef. Is that it?
As for the STDs - well, you may not care whether your partner ever contracted one and that's your choice. Personally, I'm curious about that sort of thing -ESPECIALLY but not necessarily limited to HPV, HIV, and herpes.
First, stop putting words in my mouth. I made the distinction about current, permanent infections. Of course that is important, as that could affect me if I were to have sex with him. Not only do you need to write more clearly, you need to pay better attention to what you read.
Second, you may also want to do some research before you start nattering on about HPV. As I said earlier, unless you've only been with virgins, you have probably had at least one strain of HPV yourself at some point and never known it.
Note the quote: "Most sexually active people in the United States (U.S.) will have HPV at some time in their lives."
Just to be clear, this was something that happened with someone before we met, but the issue that gets me is that I thought so after I'd met the person, and he lied about it for 5 years! And it was someone I never would have suspected, except I just did for some ineffable reason. So he didn't cheat on me; he lied to me. Which of course always makes me wonder if he has also cheated on me. It's a trust problem, but somewhat allayed by the fact that he did finally tell the truth.
you have some serious issues if you let something that happened 5 years ago before you were even with this guy still bother you. you need to let go of crap. how do function holding on to garbage that long? what? he had sex with some chick? big deal. it was BEFORE you so why is it important NOW? he probably lied because he doesn't want to revisit something that he was able to put behind him FIVE YEARS AGO. and now you don't trust him because he lied about this ONE thing? has he consistently lied over the years about other things too? if not then you need to let this one thing just go.
With the divorce rate what it is, I doubt that most people have good relationships. That's what I meant.
If you're in one, more power to ya. But you and I are in the minority.
I did NOT say MOST PEOPLE, I said MOST WOMEN. Two very different groups of humans there.
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