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Haha, of course not. But almost every woman I have dated this year has brought up their weight...
I don't ask. Last chick I dated actually told me her weight. She went on about how she wasnt skinny, but was 135 lbs. All I said was, "your pictures look great." There is no safe comment to when a woman mentions she isnt comfortable with her weight.
I would NEVER volunteer my weight! EVER! My husband only knew how much I weighed when I was pregnant because he came to the doctor's appointments with me.
I can't imagine volunteering my weight, and I think some of the issue with online dating is that many men don't know what's normal weight for a woman. They may have it in their heads that anything over 120 is huge, but if they see a woman who weighs 135 and looks great they'd never know the difference.
I guess if you're secure with your weight you dont mind disclosing it.
I've never been secure with my weight. So of course I'd never disclose it! Not like it matters - you can see what I look like. If you found out I weighed a few pounds more or less than what you had estimated - it wouldn't affect what I look like.
In general, I disagree with the notion you can never ask those questions. It depends on when in a "relationship" you are maybe. For example, I would not ask a women her sex history on the first date, or anything. However, once in a LTR, a lot of those things are important to getting to know someone. Sometimes, when and how it is asked is important.
I knew my wife's weight before we were married, and it is something she is sensitive about (and has been working on with a lot of success!). I think I asked her the exact number at some point too, but we were in a stable LTR by then. I would not have asked in early stages.
(That said, I am not sure why the exact number would be much of a secret in a stable relationship. You see the person, and likely see them naked, touch them, etc. If your secure enough to be intimate with someone, let them see your body imperfections what is the big deal abuot the number?)
In general, I disagree with the notion you can never ask those questions. It depends on when in a "relationship" you are maybe. For example, I would not ask a women her sex history on the first date, or anything. However, once in a LTR, a lot of those things are important to getting to know someone. Sometimes, when and how it is asked is important.
I knew my wife's weight before we were married, and it is something she is sensitive about (and has been working on with a lot of success!). I think I asked her the exact number at some point too, but we were in a stable LTR by then. I would not have asked in early stages.
(That said, I am not sure why the exact number would be much of a secret in a stable relationship. You see the person, and likely see them naked, touch them, etc. If your secure enough to be intimate with someone, let them see your body imperfections what is the big deal abuot the number?)
I am completely neurotic about my weight and have struggled with an eating disorder since I was a teenager. I'm simply not comfortable sharing my weight with anyone. Even when I weighed too little - it still seemed like too much to me. Every person I have been with has been very understanding of this. And if someone is seeing me naked - what difference would a number make to them anyway?
I'm not upset - I know it's hard to tell over the internet - just explaining how I feel about it. It's never been a big deal to anyone I've been with. Well, the eating disorder has been but not the actual number on the scale!
Sounds like we are getting to quite the list of questions that are 'inappropriate' to ask someone you are hitting on, or dating, or in LTR with.
So far I see the following:
1. Can't ask someone their age, because if physical attraction is there, then age shouldn't be important.
2. Can't ask height, because people misrepresent this all the time, especially in online dating.
3. Can't ask weight, everybody either lies, or doesn't answer the question.
4. Sexual history. There was a long thread yesterday that was closed, I am not intending to extend that thread, but it is obvious that for the sake of moving on, everyones sexual history is not appropriate for discussion.
5. Amount of money someone makes.
6. Career. It sounds like a lot of people lie to each other about what they do for a living, just to impress someone. Careers such as fighter pilots, Dr's, and other high paying, dangerous jobs are lied about.
7. Automobile someone drives: Do many people lie about this? Maybe only if someone is attempting a ONS, and they know the other person will never really know.
So, as someone who is looking to meet someone of the opposite sex, what CAN we talk about that isn't off limits ?
Definately not 8. politics or 9. religion, right ? 10. Weather is to mundane.
we can't talk about ourselves apparently, because that is too 'personal'.
Should I learn card tricks and magic tricks like Barney in How I Met Your Mother? (Guy is hilarious)
Should I discuss my excitement for the next COD Black Ops 2 release ?
Reading this forum for any amount of time has me realizing that communication is key for relationships, but there isn't much we can talk about in the first few getting to know you conversations.
No wonder dating is such a PITA.
Some of these things are just rude conversation, dating or not. I mean, who asks anyone else what they weigh? Same for how much money someone makes. You wouldn't ask that of your coworkers, friends, or family, right? RIGHT? So why get into that with a date?
Occupation is fine, but I feel it best to offer that up about yourself first. This way people get the idea that you're just interested in what fills their days and not what fills their wallets. Let's face it, many, if not most, people derive some sense of identity from their occupations.
Politics and religion, meh. When I did online dating, I used certain search terms that would bring me like-minded individuals ("liberal," "atheist," "Bush sucks"). My friends and family would know never to set me up with a raging religious conservative. Meeting people at random, well, eventually religion will come up over the holidays and politics will come up if you ever watch the news together. Address it as a current event, not a "getting-to-know-you interrogation" kind of thing. And if we agree, we'll have plenty to talk about.
I don't agree that there isn't much to discuss. Food, sports, music, movies, books, hobbies, travel, basic info about family (how many sisters, brothers, kids), what kind of environment you work in and whether your coworkers are cool, even things you saw on the way over to the date ("Get this--I just saw this 90-year-old riding a unicycle and juggling eggs. Rumor has it he has been doing that on that corner every Saturday for 30 years. Have you seen him?").
Conversation is an art. It takes practice and a certain amount of skill. Go forth and bore no more.
You can ask me about my age, my height, my weight, my sexual history, my career and my car (love my car!), religion , or politics (I love a good debate and engaging with people with different opinions then mine).
The amount I make is not anyone's business but my own. Everything else is up for grabs. !!
Agree. However the amount I make (if I was working) would be available for public knowledge...anyone can google it. I wouldn't advertise it, but any intelligent person would know how to get that information.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Why would anyone need to know how much someone weighs? I mean - maybe if it's online you might want to get an idea of body type - but would you honestly ask someone how much they weigh on a date?
I'm guessing they'd ask if they haven't seen you in person yet? Don't know. If someone asks I'll tell them. Obviously if I was meeting them in person they can the size of my body. Not sure why a number attached to that would make any differece so I don't see the need to ask this on a date.
I am completely neurotic about my weight and have struggled with an eating disorder since I was a teenager. I'm simply not comfortable sharing my weight with anyone. Even when I weighed too little - it still seemed like too much to me. Every person I have been with has been very understanding of this. And if someone is seeing me naked - what difference would a number make to them anyway?
I'm not upset - I know it's hard to tell over the internet - just explaining how I feel about it. It's never been a big deal to anyone I've been with. Well, the eating disorder has been but not the actual number on the scale!
Hey, thats perfectly fine! Your right, if you see them, the number is basically irrelevant too. Other side of the same coin!
PS, you look great in text Dew, I am sure you do in person too!
If your secure enough to be intimate with someone, let them see your body imperfections what is the big deal abuot the number?)
just a quick comment as an aside.....thing of it is and maybe most men don't realize this, but a lot of women get intimate with someone because they are NOT secure, and are looking for validation through sex. bet i don't have to explain the typical results of that kind of behavior.
anyway, back on track....personally i want a man to ask me anything he thinks is appropriate to ask on the first date.
one guy asked me how old i was when i lost my virginity (possibly a valid question if you're young enough, but we were both in our 40s), how much booze i needed to be in the mood, asked if i was a screamer and if i liked it rough or gentle etc. even after answering that i preferred to let a man find out the answers to those questions himself, when and IF a relationship developed between us, he agreed, said he respected that, and then continued to ask the same kinds of questions.
saved us both a lot of time and energy. i paid for my own drink, thanked him for meeting me and told him i didn't think we'd be right for each other.
edited to add: i had to laugh when i stood up to leave, after i told him i didn't think we were right for each other, he said: that's ok, most women can't handle a real man. i told him: only an overgrown adolescent asks the kinds of questions you just did, IF you ever become a real man, give me a call. to which he of course replied.....f* you.
Last edited by cinnabar; 09-20-2012 at 12:17 PM..
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I am sure you do in person too! 
