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Stop associating with the people that are around when the drama happens.
I can't agree with this more. I recently had to 'cut loose' a very long term friend of mine because she told me to quit the job I just started at because her (now married) ex boyfriend works there. She couldn't care less that I got a job, that it's a job I enjoy and that it's bringing me income it's alllll about her and her feelings. There were other things she did, but this was the breaking point for me.
Sometimes, you have to cut people out of your life if they bring drama into yours as much as it hurts.
I gotta weigh in on this thread, if only because I feel like the person its about.
My life can be so drama packed and I honestly believe I don't cause it...or at least do not cause 90% of it. Yet the other half of me is convinced its all my fault, I'm just not sure what I could've/should've done differently.
Sometimes I think its so calamity filled just because of the luck of the draw. An unlucky star, starting with being born into an unfortunate family situation and blossoming from there.
I would sincerely love to know how to change it...or me. I'm getting too old for this chit.
Well, without knowing a thing about you, I think most people who get into these situations never ask themselves the question, "Is this a good idea?"
They open their mouths without thinking of the consequences.
They plunge into instant relationships without really taking a good look at the person.
They don't keep poisonous people at arm's length or get them out of their lives entirely.
They don't manage their money well.
They don't look at people based on the way that person behaves, instead believing what they say.
And the list goes on. Oh, sure, everybody has the occasional unwanted trouble in their lives. But if you are living a crisis filled life, then I would say that 90% of it is because you didn't see the trouble coming down the road and didn't steer around it. And, with the exception of chronic disease or Acts of God, where you are by your mid-40s is pretty much where you deserve to be, for your life is very much the sum total of the decisions you've made. Blaming it on luck or others is the perfect guarantor that life will dish out more of the same.
They can't manage it often BECAUSE they have those add-on mental health issues. The woman described in the original post could have had any myriad of mental health problems. ADD is just one possibility, not the definitive cause.
Absolutely. A wide spectrum of people can have ADD so severity perception is going to vary to the nth degree. My husband has ADD, or is at least diagnosed with ADD, which I frankly believe is just a title for him being messy and disorganized in his own space and that's something that has to be managed. At his last job he took one sick day in 10 years. He's never late, rather always compulsively early. He's also very prepared for everything when he leaves the house. It's interesting. When he went to college we then put him on a time released stimulant and he did very well in his chemistry major. Given that most people wouldn't know their assess from their elbows (with meds or not) when looking at calc or differential equations, quantum mechanics, his requiring his meds to focus in school does not scream mental illness to me.
I do not have ADD and yet I'm late. I'm sure I will be late for my own funeral. I was actually fired from a job once for being 5 minutes late every day. Thank goodness I entered a profession where that kind of behavior (quirky behavior in general) is tolerated.
I was actually fired from a job once for being 5 minutes late every day. Thank goodness I entered a profession where that kind of behavior (quirky behavior in general) is tolerated.
I had a similar experience in SEA. It was an eye opener because it's not the norm to receive this commentary for usually independent white collar type work. Because of crawling traffic, I might show up at 8:07 or 8:11 every now and then, but stayed more than enough on the back end to compensate for it. Everybody there hated this guy. That is not the norm, unless one has client appointments, scheduled meetings, or patients to see. And if someone makes a deal of this, then it's more substance over form, and it's not a professional workplace.
I had a similar experience in SEA. It was an eye opener because it's not the norm to receive this commentary for usually independent white collar type work. Because of crawling traffic, I might show up at 8:07 or 8:11 every now and then, but stayed more than enough on the back end to compensate for it. Everybody there hated this guy. That is not the norm, unless one has client appointments, scheduled meetings, or patients to see. And if someone makes a deal of this, then it's more substance over form, and it's not a professional workplace.
See, I disagree. In a highly deadline-driven business, schedules change, priorities shift, and the unexpected happens. Perhaps if one dwells in an ivory tower or really doesn't rely on other people to participate in a project, then sure. But if you work in a team and there is one person who is always late, it is sand in the gears. Twenty minutes late might seem like a trivial thing to some, but it can really derail everyone else's schedule for the rest of the day. So it's not just about whether you have an appointment. The person who works beside you might have time pressures, one where your cute little problem with tardiness might cause all kinds of problems. And saying, "Well, I put in my fifteen minutes on the end of the day" just doesn't cut it when you arrive at fifteen minutes late at 8:45 and that person needing your input or help faces a deadline of 9 a.m. that morning. Nope. You're late because you choose to be late, which means the other people in your office just aren't your priority.
Here's the thing. I've always been ADD. But I've just never used it as a crutch--which means I sure as heck wouldn't let someone else breezily use it as an excuse (As in "My drama is not my fault." See how it works?). I just had to learn how to be on time, like all responsible adults. Hey, it wasn't easy. But I can't remember the last time I was late for a meeting or didn't hit a deadline.
I had a similar experience in SEA. It was an eye opener because it's not the norm to receive this commentary for usually independent white collar type work. Because of crawling traffic, I might show up at 8:07 or 8:11 every now and then, but stayed more than enough on the back end to compensate for it. Everybody there hated this guy. That is not the norm, unless one has client appointments, scheduled meetings, or patients to see. And if someone makes a deal of this, then it's more substance over form, and it's not a professional workplace.
I worked in banking and in HR for many years.
In those professions, it is not fair to others who are at work on time for another person to be late often. In banking, people have half of the combination to all sorts of things, and there are all sorts of procedures which require two people instead of one in order to get everything done by the time the bank is open for business. I can't tell you how many times my coworkers would have to hoof it to get things done, after they'd sat around waiting for ten or fifteen minutes for a coworker to show up, clock in, put their personal items in the fridge or whatever, unlock their desk, get the combos, talk to someone else while getting their cup of coffee (which someone else - who was on time - made for them), etc.
Five or ten minutes late translated into 25 minutes late and everyone else being irritated, meetings having to be cut short, etc in order to have the doors opened by 9 am.
I have to confess, before I moved into management, I was one of those who is habitually rushing in at 8:03 trying to get clocked in before 8:05 (our system didn't "red flag" your timecard unless you were five minutes late).
Then I became the manager, and I found out suddenly that it is VERY POSSIBLE - and in fact actually less stressful - to get to work on time and actually be READY FOR WORK by 8 am. AMAZING! All those years of rushing around, stressed in traffic, rushing into the bank, fumbling with keys, trying to log in as quickly as possible, not able to talk to anyone else as I ran from the door to my office - it was ridiculous.
It was SO EASY to just get to work on time. Get up ten minutes earlier. Leave the house ten minutes earlier. Get to work at 7:55 instead of 8:03. It suddenly occurred to me that if I could burn rubber into the parking lot at 8:03 every day, surely I could do the same at 7:55. AND I COULD.
As the manager, I understood true emergencies or odd issues, especially with my employees who had small kids. Things happen. I didn't have to be a hard arse about it. But I did not tolerate habitual tardiness. It simply wasn't fair to other workers, including those with kids, those who had to drive long distances, etc who somehow simply made it to work on time every single day.
And I had to come clean with my staff about my former habit as well. Though I always managed to get clocked in "barely on time," it was still a stupid way to live and an unprofessional way to carry myself.
Well, without knowing a thing about you, I think most people who get into these situations never ask themselves the question, "Is this a good idea?"
They open their mouths without thinking of the consequences.
They plunge into instant relationships without really taking a good look at the person.
They don't keep poisonous people at arm's length or get them out of their lives entirely.
They don't manage their money well.
They don't look at people based on the way that person behaves, instead believing what they say.
And the list goes on. Oh, sure, everybody has the occasional unwanted trouble in their lives. But if you are living a crisis filled life, then I would say that 90% of it is because you didn't see the trouble coming down the road and didn't steer around it. And, with the exception of chronic disease or Acts of God, where you are by your mid-40s is pretty much where you deserve to be, for your life is very much the sum total of the decisions you've made. Blaming it on luck or others is the perfect guarantor that life will dish out more of the same.
This is the first time I think I've disagreed with you OP; I have got to say, there are sometimes circumstances way beyond control that play a huge factor in people's lives. To judge people who are struggling with their own particular set of problems- reeks of arrogance. Maybe instead of being so harsh & dismissive, people should say a little prayer for others.
There's truth in Proverbs 16:18.... Pride comes before the fall.....
Be glad you've had a life of ease, & don't be so smug that others are down.
This is the first time I think I've disagreed with you OP; I have got to say, there are sometimes circumstances way beyond control that play a huge factor in people's lives. To judge people who are struggling with their own particular set of problems- reeks of arrogance. Maybe instead of being so harsh & dismissive, people should say a little prayer for others.
There's truth in Proverbs 16:18.... Pride comes before the fall.....
Be glad you've had a life of ease, & don't be so smug that others are down.
Oh, nonsense. At the very beginning of this thread, I said I've made mistakes. And I know other people make mistakes. But this thread isn't about people who make one mistake, say "Well that was stupid of me," and learn from it. It's about people who make one mistake after another and never manage to wonder how their own behavior and choices contribute to their constant misery or how the rest of us have to pay for it in one way or another.
I had a similar experience in SEA. It was an eye opener because it's not the norm to receive this commentary for usually independent white collar type work. Because of crawling traffic, I might show up at 8:07 or 8:11 every now and then, but stayed more than enough on the back end to compensate for it. Everybody there hated this guy. That is not the norm, unless one has client appointments, scheduled meetings, or patients to see. And if someone makes a deal of this, then it's more substance over form, and it's not a professional workplace.
Yea, agreed. The job I had (I was 17-18 years old) was not professional, but run of the mill office environment. I think I was earning $7-8/hr lol. I had to be at my desk for 6:30am and there to punch in at 6:25am. Damn, every day I would punch in at 6:30am. I couldn't do it. Now I come in anywhere from 7am to 9:30 and leave 5 to god knows. A few days the week before last I was there till 10pm.
Though I always managed to get clocked in "barely on time," it was still a stupid way to live and an unprofessional way to carry myself.
I've worked in settings where everyone rolled in somewhere between 8:00 and 8:15, including top brass. One was a major ATL company. They also stayed late, and MORE than the 15 minutes. You are obviously talking retail banking. I doubt this would be an issue in high-end commercial lending, where people stay late, go to meetings, and take work home. In professional settings, people aren't held to this. You're held to doing your work. Let's not get time clock and time sheet settings mixed up. One reads the culture. Go tell the 60 hour a week attorney who comes in at 8:17 and still until late at night (s)he's unprofessional.
The thread is not about this, anyway.
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