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A thought I often pondered about: is it ever possible to "unharden" someone's heart, in terms of romantic purposes?
Basically, the question amounts to this -- we pretty much all start out when we are younger, so full of hope, so optimistic and starry-eyed and idealistic, about love and romance in general. You can oftentimes see this with young people who are falling in a real, genuine love relationship for the first time; love at this point can perhaps be thought of a fuzzy, warm- and light-hearted, exciting, forward-looking romantic journey. You can also get a sense of this romantic idealism in many popular love songs and love ballads. As some of us get older over time though, with enough bad breakups, romantic rejection, and unhappy experiences, the hearts of some people (not necessarily all though) can harden significantly. Sadness, anger, despair, hoplessness, abuse, and similar emotions and external actions can sometimes temper once much more hopeful or optimistic dreams of love and affection, from another.
Is is ever possible to "undo" the hardening of a heart, though? In my own experience, I have never been successful in that, whenever I tried that in the past. Has anyone ever had a different experience with it though...have you been able to successfully restore the softer, gentler-type feelings of love and hope in someone, that existed before that may have changed in them, and before their heart became harder?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 09-21-2012 at 01:46 PM..
Once it has hardened, it would take a lot to make it unharden. There's a lot of people out there thinking "if the right person came along." That's not realistic. As life goes on, you are more likely to meet people with baggage who you either want to avoid and/or will NOT unharden your heart.
JMHO I agree with this! Hard to unharden a heart that has been bruised or hurt. Life goes on and we live with the consequences of our youth!
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
Usually not.
Once it has hardened, it would take a lot to make it unharden. There's a lot of people out there thinking "if the right person came along." That's not realistic. As life goes on, you are more likely to meet people with baggage who you either want to avoid and/or will NOT unharden your heart.
Hmmm. That's really interesting. Isn't love the softening of one's heart? Is there any love without softness or is that "tough love"? I do think someone who has been hurt can love again. It does seem to change shape over time.
A thought I often pondered about: is it ever possible to "unharden" someone's heart, in terms of romantic purposes?
Basically, the question amounts to this -- we pretty much all start out when we are younger, so full of hope, so optimistic and starry-eyed and idealistic, about love and romance in general. You can oftentimes see this with young people who are falling in a real, genuine love relationship for the first time; love at this point can perhaps be thought of a fuzzy, warm- and light-hearted, exciting, forward-looking romantic journey. You can also get a sense of this romantic idealism in many popular love songs and love ballads. As some of us get older over time though, with enough bad breakups, romantic rejection, and unhappy experiences, the hearts of some people (not necessarily all though) can harden significantly. Sadness, anger, despair, hoplessness, abuse, and similar emotions and external actions can sometimes temper once much more hopeful or optimistic dreams of love and affection, from another.
Is is ever possible to "undo" the hardening of a heart, though? In my own experience, I have never been successful in that, whenever I tried that in the past. Has anyone ever had a different experience with it though...have you been able to successfully restore the softer, gentler-type feelings of love and hope in someone, that existed before that may have changed in them, and before their heart became harder?
With age and experience (bad or good types) we all lose our innocence and naivete'.
But what it is replaced with can be so much better - WISDOM.
Don't mourn the loss of romantic dreams and fantasies my friend!
Embrace the opportunity to make wiser choices for yourself that can lead to more fulfilling relationships than those very young first time lovers are enjoying!
But there's a trick to being able to do this successfully....
ready...
YOU must not harden your heart.
YOU must not volunteer for perpetual Bitter Bus ridership
YOU must remember that every hardship that has come your way is an opportunity to grow, develop and deepen as a person.
The kind of person the right partner is just waiting for somewhere along your journey.
Even if that "partner" turns out to be just you
“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.”
Is is ever possible to "undo" the hardening of a heart, though? In my own experience, I have never been successful in that, whenever I tried that in the past.
Can you describe in more detail how you went about doing this? What were the circumstances? How did you know this person's heart was hardened? What did you try and how can you be sure you had no effect?
Hmmm. That's really interesting. Isn't love the softening of one's heart? Is there any love without softness or is that "tough love"? I do think someone who has been hurt can love again. It does seem to change shape over time.
The following is going to sound quite negative but, IME;
As much as we want to believe EVERYONE is a good person, I can't agree with this post.
Some people although 'unhappy' with a hardened/cold heart, they are satisfied living life that way and have no real intention of falling in love again. It may happen, but their behavior will reflect so much conflict from what they tell you.
A hardened heart is probably the worst form of baggage IME.
I thought that if I waited for this woman to realize that not everyone will lie/cheat/whatever, that we could work.
Initially, I thought it was more about her having a hard time in her life, and hopefully she could solve things over time and 'be happy' again.
The truth is, someone who allows themself to have a hardened heart does it ON PURPOSE. They choose to stop caring, and they choose to lie, cheat, manipulate, etc, because the ASSUME that everyone else is doing the same thing. Or even worse, they do all these bad things and JUST DON'T CARE.
Trying to be the one who's love softens the hardened heart is probably borderline white knight syndrome.
In the end, engaging in a relationship with someone who has a hardened heart will usually have only one end result. You. Will. Lose. and you will probably get hurt a lot along the way, and possibly develop a hardened heart your self.
Do yourself a favor. Don't fall in love with your idea of what the potential that someone may have.
Fall in love with who someone really is.
Problem is, I think they only way to learn this lesson is to get torched by someone who has a hardened heart. Until then, "how bad can it really be ?"
Hmmm. That's really interesting. Isn't love the softening of one's heart? Is there any love without softness or is that "tough love"? I do think someone who has been hurt can love again. It does seem to change shape over time.
Very-beautifully spoken my dear friend lovesMountains; many thanks for sharing your thoughts and your wise counsel, and thank you for your encouraging words ((hugs))
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
With age and experience (bad or good types) we all lose our innocence and naivete'.
But what it is replaced with can be so much better - WISDOM.
Don't mourn the loss of romantic dreams and fantasies my friend!
Embrace the opportunity to make wiser choices for yourself that can lead to more fulfilling relationships than those very young first time lovers are enjoying!
But there's a trick to being able to do this successfully....
ready...
YOU must not harden your heart.
YOU must not volunteer for perpetual Bitter Bus ridership
YOU must remember that every hardship that has come your way is an opportunity to grow, develop and deepen as a person.
The kind of person the right partner is just waiting for somewhere along your journey.
Even if that "partner" turns out to be just you
“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.”
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