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It's fine to think like that but women who do shouldn't be surprised when they can't find one that fulfills the traditional role. If women despise their traditional roles, why should men be obliged to? It's only fair.
It takes two to tango. I don't despise a traditional role, and it wasn't particularly hard for me to find a man who was more than willing to be in a more traditional role himself. I mean, I think my husband is a rare and precious catch overall - there aren't that many men out there like him, but is that possibly because there aren't many women who are willing to be in a role that is complementary to the role of a strong, traditional man?
I think if you are upfront, honest, and fair, you will attract people of the same caliber. Likewise with various roles in marriage. It was important to me for a man to be a strong leader - and I knew that my role needed to support HIS role. We found each other. I don't think it was a MIRACLE we did - I think we were both on a mutual quest.
I agree that relationships have to be fair, and that it's unfair for one person to carry the financial responsibilities, and cherish a traditional role, while the other person doesn't hold up their end of the arrangement. For instance, with my working daughter and her house husband. They have an AGREEMENT and mutual respect, so it works for them. If he started getting fat, laying around a slovenly house, not cooking, not taking care of the kids well, they would have problems!
Focus on the kind of woman YOU want and don't waste your energy being upset/angry/frustrated by the women who don't meet your criteria. Life is too short.
at the end of the day, i think this is all that matters. people have the right to be selective of their partner despite how crazy that notion is to us.
I personally dont see the connection between women raving about equality then turning around and demanding a man to take the lead because "they dont call men" sounds unequal and unattractive to me. But to each their own
Oh, I certainly wouldn't have said it nastily, because there would be a part of me deeply intrigued by Kathryn's approach. And in this hypothetical involving me instead of her husband, I'm already interested, right? I'd have smiled when I said it, but I'd have been as interested in making her think as she obviously was in making her soon-to-be husband think.
Still, you're absolutely correct: Life is short, no time to waste. When one has decided it's not suitable, time to move on.
True dat. And if my husband had said what you said, I would have said something like this:
"I don't want to discomfort you. If it's important to you for me to have your number, then of course I'll take it. My point is, I don't go after men I don't know well, in hot pursuit. But if I had to place money on it, I'd bet that you're interested enough to call me sometime within the next 24 hours - and it would be a really safe bet on your part that I will pick up the phone with a big smile on my face!"
By the way, that dear man called me at 8 am the morning after our first date. And the rest is history!
at the end of the day, i think this is all that matters. people have the right to be selective of their partner despite how crazy that notion is to us.
I personally dont see the connection between women raving about equality then turning around and demanding a man to take the lead because "they dont call men" sounds unequal and unattractive to me. But to each their own
I don't think I've "raved about equality" anywhere. My husband and I are not "equal." I am better at him in some areas, and he is better at me in some areas. I allow him to lead in areas that he's better at, and he allows me to lead in areas I'm better at. There is, simply put, no way for us to determine whether or not we are "equal" because we are so different. Well, I guess you could say we find Rowan Atkinson equally funny, and we both equally enjoy a massage but that's about all I can think of right now. Oh, and we both equally love the Number 7 quesadilla at Taqueria el Lugar.
I believe in MUTUAL RESPECT AND APPRECIATION. Those are two main building blocks in any relationship to me, but especially in marriage.
It's not "unequal" for a woman to wait EARLY ON in a relationship to see if a man is interested enough in her to pursue her. That doesn't mean she doesn't make her interest clear - it simply means that she's allowing the man to make HIS interest clear.
Generally speaking - and this is a GENERAL STATEMENT that I am aware has exceptions - men are biologically geared to be hunters - to pursue. I let nature take it's course.
It really worked for me as a single woman, by the way. I had more dates than I knew what to do with, and I basically NEVER called a man on the front end of a relationship. I let them pursue, and boy did they.
It worked better for me than pursuing them. But everyone is different.
It's not "unequal" for a woman to wait EARLY ON in a relationship to see if a man is interested enough in her to pursue her. That doesn't mean she doesn't make her interest clear - it simply means that she's allowing the man to make HIS interest clear.
Hey, if that worked for you, good, but I have enjoyed seeing women also make their interest clear. Just waiting for me to take her out and do it all shows she is not interested in me so I take rejection and move on. You showed your interest by simply accepting his invitations and it all worked fine for you two, right?
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Generally speaking - and this is a GENERAL STATEMENT that I am aware has exceptions - men are biologically geared to be hunters - to pursue. I let nature take it's course
Women can be seen as hunters and go-getters as well. We see women travelling around the world to pursue a job or career, women involved in politics, and so on. It’s just when it comes to relationships that women seem to not have that hunger to achieve, to get, and prefer to leave it to men, correct?
I had a friend I grew up with have the same attitude towards women as many of the men on Christian sites that are mentioned here.
We grew up in the Assembly Of God Church.
Early on we were told that men were the appointed leaders in a man/woman relationship.
Women were to be submissive to their men.
Needless to say my former friend has been in 4 marriages and has had domestic violence charges brought against him more than once.
As for me, I've been married to the same woman for 20 years and also have a sister who is lesbian.
Women and men are equals in everything, EVERYTHING.
Most of the time women have the intelligence and the temperament to do a much better job in almost every profession or trade than men.
I repped you back because you are completely on the mark. I am Catholic where the idea is mutual submission and that is how I live. I believe that both people need to be submissive to each other. The problem of course is many churches believe that the woman is to be the follower and that I can't be. I have a friend who was from a fundamentalist church and he truly believes that men are the leaders and women are never to work if they are married. Yes he married but I can't help but wonder if he is truly happy because from time to time he would email me saying how hot he always thought I was. He wanted to date me and he knew I would never be obeying him.
Hey, if that worked for you, good, but I have enjoyed seeing women also make their interest clear. Just waiting for me to take her out and do it all shows she is not interested in me so I take rejection and move on. You showed your interest by simply accepting his invitations and it all worked fine for you two, right?
LOL, apparently I haven't painted a very clear picture of myself, if you think that I didn't make my interest clear from the get go. I didn't just "wait for him to take me out."
We met on match.com. When he messaged me, I responded quickly and warmly after checking out his profile. When he asked for my phone number, I gave it to him (this was within one or two email conversations). When he called, I picked up the phone and had a warm, funny, interesting conversation with him, and we both got out our calendars at the end of that call and scheduled a date for the following week. We emailed back and forth about where to go, what to do, etc. I carefully chose an attractive and flirty outfit and made sure that I was well groomed and smelled great. When we met, I grinned from ear to ear (I was very pleasantly surprised by his looks - he hadn't had a good picture on his profile), and we immediately began talking and laughing non stop - till 2 am the next morning. When he kissed me goodnight, by the time that kiss was over, I was practically straddling him.
Oh yes - he knew I was interested.
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Women can be seen as hunters and go-getters as well. We see women travelling around the world to pursue a job or career, women involved in politics, and so on.
Not sure if I made this clear, but I was a working professional in the corporate world when I met my husband. In fact, I was a very successful sales manager over a sales staff of nearly ninety professionals. Prior to that position, I was a corporate trainer who traveled all over the US speaking publicly at conventions, and leading large sales workshops and training seminars.
One thing I learned in all my years of sales and sales management, is to pay close attention to signals from your prospect. Ask good questions. Get to know more about them and be genuine about your interest. Be courteous, but be warm. Put their best interests ahead of your own, and you'll win every time, even if you don't close the sale. The most loyal customers are ones who you don't have to "hard sell."
Believe me, I know how to pursue a goal and attain it. My goal was a marriage to a strong man, a natural born leader, who takes providing for and protecting his family very seriously and who truly respects and appreciates the strongest talents that I have and supports the growth and use of those talents. I wanted to attract and marry a man with traditional values, because I share those values.
It worked for me, and works for us now.
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It’s just when it comes to relationships that women seem to not have that hunger to achieve, to get, and prefer to leave it to men, correct?
Sorry, but this is laughable. I have a GREAT hunger to maintain a very healthy and happy relationship. I take my "job" as help mate, business partner, companion, and lover to heart and strive to excel in all areas.
My husband would think it was preposterous, and hilarious, for anyone to suggest that I "leave it to the men!"
Despite the disagreements on this thread, I must say I really do enjoy the back and forth going on here. It seems to be one of the most honest threads I've come across on here. This thread has also very much made me aware of why I "click" with some of you so well. This thread explains a lot. Amazing how I am virtually "drawn" to some of you and it appears as if it is because you give off very familiar energy that is similar to that of my own. We have the same values and beliefs. Beliefs leads to rules, rules lead to obedience (to the beliefs that one has) , obedience leads to action/behavior. Behavior reinforces the thoughts. From a person's thoughts, come their words...and there you have it! A virtual connection. Voila
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