"Men should lead" - for real? (kid, neighbor, fighting)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This right here makes no sense. I'll let someone with kids answer why.
That right there makes perfect sense, given the context. As someone with a child he absolutely adores, I'll answer why.
If you've taken care of children at large for any length of time, you've learned that as idealistic as it is to profess that one "loves" all children, it's unavoidable to favour some over others. Try as best one might, it tends to happen.
There are bright, energetic children. There are slow children who are trying their best. There are outright troublemakers one gives the benefit of the doubt because for all their failings they are still children.
There are those who entertain you; there are those who allow no one a moment's leeway, or allow anyone into their world.
Children are varied, children are sundry and multifarious and psychotic and amazing and wonderful.
There are YOUR children; and there are children who are not yours. Right there we get into edgy territory when discussing ideals versus reality.
One may have compassion for a child not one's own; one MAY be exposed to that child enough to come to love him/her, or one may not. One may merely tolerate that child as a duty, waiting one's time out.
There is care; there is concern, there is patience; but that does NOT mean there is automatically love.
No one EVER likes to consider this sort of thing, but if a building is burning, there ARE those we save first. It's not a noble sentiment, but it's real.
But the way you describe your marriage in THIS post does not match the 'you let your husband be your leader' post way back on page whatever-the-heck.
I was afraid there might be some confusion about that, which is why I followed up with the next post - we were probably both writing at the same time.
Quote:
I also think you bring up an excellent point about equals.
What I was referring to is any one person feeling like at the very extreme, when the chips are down, etc, etc, they will have the final authority. No one has authority over my life but me. Period. When you choose to share your life with another, it's about sharing goals, the dance of give and take, the art of compromise, picking your battles - but this comes from a place of love, not obligation or because someone is assigned the final say.
I am in a Christian marriage. We both believe that leadership is a position of SERVING and of SACRIFICE, not dominance, and we base that belief on the example of Christ and His bride, the Church.
So -my husband's authority comes from a place of love. And my submission to his authority comes from my gratitude for his great love for me. I AM very grateful to him for all he does for me and with me.
But when I say "submission" I think it means different things to different people who hear that word. No one who knows me would think of me as the "submissive" type, or subservient. However, I submit to authorities all day long. I obey traffic laws. I pay my taxes (and heck, I have more disagreement with THAT authority than I have with my husband!). I remove my sunglasses when I walk into the bank. I show up for work on time and obey company policies. I show up for jury duty when I get the summons.
I guess some people would say that I am allowing these authorities to control my life, but I know that it's a give and take that I enter into in order for my life to run smoothly and to fulfill my obligations, both personal and to society in general. It's a win/win in other words.
When it becomes less than a win/win - we have a revolution!
I respect the fact that you don't want a relationship with those dynamics. Whatever works for you - your freedom to make such choices is one reason why I submit to authority and pay taxes!
Love in a MARRIAGE does require respect. Hell in any romantic relationship, respect is the very basis for it.
Not sure how kids factor into that.
It happened because I compared women in rebel12's view as a thing tolerated much as one would a pathetic child, cared for, nose wiped, fed and watered.
And Le Extraordinaire decided to take umbrage, despite that it's a well-worn literary comparison.
If my choices are between a man insisting on being the leader and me dying alone, I'll take 100 cats anyday. However, I know plenty of beta males and these are the types I desire. They are also the types who will be more likely to change diapers and get up with a baby and cook and clean like me. I'd take them anytime over a neanderthal control freak.
LOL if those were the choices, I'd take the beta too!
However, I had another choice. I could marry a gentle man, and a gentleman, who will change diapers, rock a baby to sleep, cook, clean, AND be a strong leader of our household.
Such men DO exist - though apparently their numbers are dwindling.
That right there makes perfect sense, given the context. As someone with a child he absolutely adores, I'll answer why.
If you've taken care of children at large for any length of time, you've learned that as idealistic as it is to profess that one "loves" all children, it's unavoidable to favour some over others. Try as best one might, it tends to happen.
The only thing that I learned having kids of my own is how superficial love for a female compares to that of my kids. Love for a girl comes and goes, when she yell obscenities and tosses plates at me, it's pretty much gone and not coming back. My 17 year old daughter has said worse to me than any woman, has had her deal of temper tantrums when she wanted NOTHING to do with me, yet I still love as much as I did when I first saw her. It's unshakable.
My son get's into all sorts of trouble, he's not the best behaved. but he's my son and that's where the love is. I can't relate to anything in your post. How can you even put that much love in a woman? She's not of your blood, but your kids are and they're your continuation when you go.
Lastly, I respected women that I didn't love. And I loved women that I didn't respect. You haven't nailed down what makes someone romantically love. I gotta think about it before I even try to do it.
It happened because I compared women in rebel12's view as a thing tolerated much as one would a pathetic child, cared for, nose wiped, fed and watered.
And Le Extraordinaire decided to take umbrage, despite that it's a well-worn literary comparison.
I totally fail to see where he could take umbrage unless he is completely misreading the post.
The only thing that I learned having kids of my own is how superficial love for a female compares to that of my kids. Love for a girl comes and goes, when she yell obscenities and tosses plates at me, it's pretty much gone and not coming back. My 17 year old daughter has said worse to me than any woman, has had her deal of temper tantrums when she wanted NOTHING to do with me, yet I still love as much as I did when I first saw her. It's unshakable.
My son get's into all sorts of trouble, he's not the best behaved. but he's my son and that's where the love is. I can't relate to anything in your post. How can you even put that much love in a woman? She's not of your blood, but your kids are and they're your continuation when you go.
Lastly, I respected women that I didn't love. And I loved women that I didn't respect. You haven't nailed down what makes someone romantically love. I gotta think about it before I even try to do it.
Did someone spell your screen name for you, or did you cut and paste?
Couldn't agree more. I don't see how anyone could love a romantic partner they didn't respect.
I've known people in love with drug addicts destroying themselves. I can't imagine they respected them, but they still loved them.
Respect is often reserved for men. And that's a controversial statement but it's true. i respected my father, not so much my mother. I still loved her, and loved her more than my father.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
