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Old 09-30-2012, 04:25 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
4,244 posts, read 6,373,194 times
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I'm tired and sleep-deprived after a long night at work, so I didn't quite know how to title this.

Basically, I wanted to say that we all change in who we are as human beings from year to year, decade to decade. We gain new experiences, we learn new things, we make new memories. We become different people. Not drastically different, perhaps, but different. Sometimes, when I meet someone new and get to know them, I wonder what it might have been like to have met them at a different time of their life. Or at a different time of my life, and how we might have gotten along then.

Romantically, I think this is important. I currently have a friend with benefits who's A. extremely busy with school and B. kinda sorta given up on relationships.

She's an absolutely amazing, beautiful young woman who has a lot going for her and has been through a lot (positive & negative) but she simply doesn't want a relationship. I wonder what might have happened if we had met earlier before she was scarred by relationships and she had been attracted enough to me to be a girlfriend. As it stands now, we'll most likely never have a relationship. But it's nice to wonder about what might have been, if I had found her a year or two earlier, when she wasn't so discouraged. We're both still young, though....we're always changing.

Do you ever think what things might have been like if you met someone a few years +/- than you actually did? Do you think that things would have been better or worse?

Last edited by Soviet; 09-30-2012 at 05:12 AM..
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:00 AM
 
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I would say the only man I would consider one that got away was due to the different places we were in our lives. We were compatible in every way and attracted to one another and had a lot of fun, but he was well established in his life and I was still in a state of flux so I had more chaos going on. It was the demise of the relationship. It just wasn't to be. I still think he's a terrific guy and he married a wonderful woman and I run into them once in a while. Things turned out fine for me, but I completely understand the situation and why things happened the way they did.
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Old 09-30-2012, 08:07 AM
 
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No. I just accept what is and move on, whether it is difficult or easy to do so. One could imagine a million scenarios that no one knows for sure if it would or would not have worked. For me such thoughts are pointless and a waste of head space.

Last edited by FromTN2A2; 09-30-2012 at 08:34 AM..
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Old 09-30-2012, 08:31 AM
 
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Yes I do wonder.
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Old 09-30-2012, 08:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
I would say the only man I would consider one that got away was due to the different places we were in our lives. We were compatible in every way and attracted to one another and had a lot of fun, but he was well established in his life and I was still in a state of flux so I had more chaos going on. It was the demise of the relationship. It just wasn't to be. I still think he's a terrific guy and he married a wonderful woman and I run into them once in a while. Things turned out fine for me, but I completely understand the situation and why things happened the way they did.
How often do you meet someone so compatible? I've met someone once and I still feel a bit down about the fact that it is going to be a long time before I meet another like her. Same with one of my guy friends, we are physically apart and just can't hang with each other anymore.
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Old 09-30-2012, 09:21 AM
 
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Hm. I've never experienced this feeling. Wait - scratch that. I did once, with the favorite ex. At one time, I thought "If I had met him a few years earlier..." - and then I realized not long after having that thought that nope, we just would never have been able to work it out. If we'd met when we were younger, he'd have been too wild for me and I'd have been too awkward and introverted for him. If we'd met later, he'd have already acquired the jaded and selfish outlook that eventually drove us apart (he had it when we started dating, but in the years after we broke up, I watched it solidify as other stuff in his life went wrong). We had the relationship we had because we both met each other at precisely the right time in our lives. The relationship served its purpose, and we went our separate ways.

It's all just random chance, in my mind. There's no "meant to be" or fate that brings us together. I think wondering about "alternate realities" and "what ifs" is just a form of self-torture.
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Old 09-30-2012, 09:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Hm. I've never experienced this feeling. Wait - scratch that. I did once, with the favorite ex. At one time, I thought "If I had met him a few years earlier..." - and then I realized not long after having that thought that nope, we just would never have been able to work it out. If we'd met when we were younger, he'd have been too wild for me and I'd have been too awkward and introverted for him. If we'd met later, he'd have already acquired the jaded and selfish outlook that eventually drove us apart (he had it when we started dating, but in the years after we broke up, I watched it solidify as other stuff in his life went wrong). We had the relationship we had because we both met each other at precisely the right time in our lives. The relationship served its purpose, and we went our separate ways.

It's all just random chance, in my mind. There's no "meant to be" or fate that brings us together. I think wondering about "alternate realities" and "what ifs" is just a form of self-torture.
A large part of me believes in fate though I have my reservations about it (still young and learning). But I agree with everything else you wrote, especially the last sentence.
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Old 09-30-2012, 09:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by FromTN2A2 View Post
A large part of me believes in fate though I have my reservations about it (still young and learning). But I agree with everything else you wrote, especially the last sentence.
The weird thing is that I LOVE playing with tarot cards, reading my horoscope and visiting psychics. I don't believe in any of it, but it's just fun. With the tarot cards and the psychics, I find the random turns of the card and the observations of a stranger (respectively) are useful in starting conversations with myself about the wrinkles in my life and what I need to do to iron them out.
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Old 09-30-2012, 10:44 AM
 
1,262 posts, read 1,515,666 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
The weird thing is that I LOVE playing with tarot cards, reading my horoscope and visiting psychics. I don't believe in any of it, but it's just fun. With the tarot cards and the psychics, I find the random turns of the card and the observations of a stranger (respectively) are useful in starting conversations with myself about the wrinkles in my life and what I need to do to iron them out.
Lol, I've never been to a psychic but I have wanted to for the reasons you listed, just for fun. Why not?
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Old 09-30-2012, 12:05 PM
 
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There was a man I dated and we never met earlier, even though we had friends in common. By the time we met, we both had kids and divorces, just way too much baggage. We had so much in common and we were so happy together. It just did not work out for timing reasons. If we met earlier or later...maybe.
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