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I call myself a sociable loner. I am by nature very talkative and outgoing but don't spend all that much time with friends. So my basic personality is outgoing and talkative and friendly, but it is hidden behind a wall created by too many negative social disappointments. I have been burned by to many negative people, friends who turned bad, rejections and lack of positive experiences interacting with others.
I am sure the feeling is mutual and it is my fault as much as it is the other person, but in most cases my social interactions are boring and fulfilling. So I became a social outsider, not part of the social crowd and spend way too much time alone. If I could find people I really enjoyed and they enjoyed me too, then my true personality of being a social butterfly would come out.
So that is me, how about you? If you are shy and not too sociable is it the fault of a sick society, negative social interactions you have had historically, lots of negative reactions from people when you try to be sociable, or instead, do you just prefer to be with yourself and your personal thoughts?
I call myself a sociable loner. I am by nature very talkative and outgoing but don't spend all that much time with friends. So my basic personality is outgoing and talkative and friendly, but it is hidden behind a wall created by too many negative social disappointments. I have been burned by to many negative people, friends who turned bad, rejections and lack of positive experiences interacting with others.
I am sure the feeling is mutual and it is my fault as much as it is the other person, but in most cases my social interactions are boring and fulfilling. So I became a social outsider, not part of the social crowd and spend way too much time alone. If I could find people I really enjoyed and they enjoyed me too, then my true personality of being a social butterfly would come out.
So that is me, how about you? If you are shy and not too sociable is it the fault of a sick society, negative social interactions you have had historically, lots of negative reactions from people when you try to be sociable, or instead, do you just prefer to be with yourself and your personal thoughts?
I might be hard but I think you should make the effort to find a close group of friends and be comfortable around them. If you have any hobbies I suggest looking into groups for those that how I met many of closets friends right now.
I the kind of person that on going social interaction can get tiring but with a group of friend it never gets tiring at all. I with you I been burned by so called friends but just take a whatever approach. Be about you and show who you are people will accept or walk away. Just accept the friends and wave bye to the haters.
I am shy as well. But I keep to myself because people are very nosey and I don't want others judging me. I had a small group of friends a few years ago and there was so much gossiping and backstabbing going on so it turned me into a loner.
For some reason, I make friends/acquaintances easily...don't know why. And when I keep to myself, people always think i am stuck up...so I am forced to be social so people wont give me a hard time. I would keep to myself forever if I could
I had severe social anxiety due to undiagnosed ADD. I had no clue how to read social cues and often had a hard time reacting appropriately to comments and facial expressions. Making eye contact and having conversation with someone was EXCRUCIATING. Not surprisingly, I was bullied pretty badly in school, and kind of retreated into my cave until my mid 20s.
Then, after some rather traumatizing events, I ended up with a very gregarious and highly inappropriate boyfriend who kind of dragged me into the world along with him. He loved interacting with all kinds of strange people, and I got comfortable alongside him. He also relied heavily on my strengths while we were together, and I got a sense of what my own gifts were. After the relationship ended, to fill the void and make a little extra cash, I started working in a bookstore - there, I made friends with common interests and was forced to interact with a wide range of customers. The transformation was completed several years ago, when I got the ADD diagnosis and realized WHY I had so many difficulties in my interactions from the time I was a child. I've been able to rein in the effects of the ADD through vigilance, which has improved my social skills considerably.
I'm always going to be socially awkward and a bit of a loner, but I actually do LIKE people and being social - and most people like me. And if they don't? If there's the occasional betrayal? Pffft. Who cares? They don't signify. I've got a good life that I've worked hard to put together, and there's a lot of people in my life that DO care about me and whom I can trust.
I cut a sizeable chunk of my family out of my life a few years ago - they were previously a vital and beloved part of my life. But once I recognized their instability and once it came back to bite me in the arse, I just walked away. I miss them and feel bad about it, but why waste my time on their crazy? I've got a bunch of other people in my life who are better investments of my time, love and energy - and I meet new additions to my circle pretty regularly. ANYBODY could betray you or prove themselves unworthy of the friendship/relationship you have built with them. But why worry about it? The only thing you can control is your own behavior - that's what's on you.
OP, what are you doing to meet other people? Do you expect that the people you meet should be entertaining you in some way or filling a void for you? What are you doing to engage them?
Look, there's nothing wrong with being a loner, but your post indicates that you're unhappy with the current status quo. The only thing I can think that would be effective would be to get out into the world more by pursuing your interests and meeting like-minded people that way. And maybe you need to work on your capacity for empathy just a bit. It goes a long way to building connections.
I hate how whenever something is wrong with someone, the end answer is always "genetics." Give me a break. My dad's a depressed loner too but that doesn't mean I'm gonna be.
[quote=ja1myn;26314586]I hate how whenever something is wrong with someone, the end answer is always "genetics." Give me a break. My dad's a depressed loner too but that doesn't mean I'm gonna be.[/quote]
True...but sometimes it does happen. There are people with kids who can absoloutely see the difference in personalities between their kids from the time they can walk. My co worker has two boys..10 and 8. One is the most outgoing, loud and crazy kid you want to see. (The 8 yr old) The oldest is a more quieter, shy, think first before acting kid. She says she treated them both the same, but you could just see the difference in personalities as very young kids. As for me..I've been shy since I can remember..waaay back as a child. I cant even remember not being shy. Im very sociable once I get to know you, but otherwise..I get a bit of social anxiety. Always have. And I dont have any horrible experience or anything to blame, i was just always like that.
Now, where does this come from? Like I said, I've been this way since a kid. If I say it was just my upbringing, and not genetics, then there will be people who say they hate it when people say it's their upbringing or parents fault..(as who has control over upbringing mainly but your parents). Heck..whose responsible for your genetics? LOL Ehh..in reality I would say it say its different for different people. Some it's genetics, some it's environment/upbringing, some it's a horrible experience that scarred them emotionally,some a combination of everything.
I think whether you are an extrovert or an introvert is mostly genetic. There are happy loners -- they aren't overly social and are in sync with themselves and so are happy but there are those who want to be in a crowd but are not and so they are unhappy. Not everyone is happy in a large crowd - they like solitude or just having a couple of friends but there are people who are not happy unless in a large crowd.
well I tried to be outgoing, but I got bullied a lot as a kid or if I made friends, they'd say that they liked someone else better. so it's more of society for me. I've moved to a new city so I wish I weren't shy because making new friends sucks
I have been burned by to many negative people, friends who turned bad, rejections and lack of positive experiences interacting with others.
Most of that is your fault.
Don't get me wrong. People can be jerks.
But you are the common denominator in all of your relationships and interactions. You need to develop either a better sense of character judgment or a stronger spine so that you know when to walk away from people before it gets to the point where they can harm or hurt you, or you need to develop a thicker skin so that you don't take everything someone says and does personally.
Last edited by allenk893; 09-30-2012 at 12:57 PM..
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