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I understand that (7) years is a very long time for you to just “throw” away. I understand that since splitting, you keep remembering the good times and this makes you miss her.
However and this is a huge HOWEVER, this person who you created all these good memories with slept with another man, lied about it and then finally admitted to “going away” with this man for the weekend and sharing a hotel room but not the same bed?
I am sorry I am having a hard time getting past the fact that she was in a committed relationship and chose of her own free will to go anywhere with a man that was not you for the weekend! The sugar coating she tried to do by stating they slept in separate beds is irrelevant at that point because one would have to be very gullible to believe this malarkey!
Second the guy shows up to your home? How did he know where you lived? Unless your now ex showed him? And to go as far as to tell you about her , their relationship and then show you pics of her and this other guy that are on FaceBook as if he was not guilty at all? It took some big balls and audacity to do this!
So now she is two for two, two guys she duped and is on guy number three? She has pics of her and guy number three in pictures with their arms around each other/ Really?
Then you ask the question if you should email this guy on FB but do not want to sound like a jealous ass? I am sorry but that is a lot of drama and a lot of time invested in something you already know to be true.
Now your girl wants you back? And she cannot live without you?
I find that an odd thing for her to state since she chose to cheat on you not once but technically twice! You cannot feel this way about someone and do them this dirty, sorry.
I will agree with the other posters that stated this is your time to leave the relationship and move on ….
Thanks guys/girls for your advice. I almost enjoy reading the replies in a theraputic kind of way. When I read what you all write, I know exactly what you say is true and the sane part of my brain connects. But then I get the other feeling which rears its head which tells me I love this girl so why would I not want to be with her.
As a sort of update, she is moving into her first flat which is above a pub (one of the chains she works for). Anyway, I agreed to go and visit her flat so turned up and climbed the roof to access it before ringing her to let her know I was outside. She had been asking me all week if I'd like to come visit. SO I ring her when I am outside and sort of surprise her that I turned up. Turns out she'd told me the wrong pub. SHe was above the chain pub in the next town along. WHy tell me the wrong pub. She made out I had got it wrong but I know full well what she said. ANyway, I didnt travel to the next town. I told her over the phone that at least I had made an effort.
ANd two hours later I text her saying that the stupid f$$$$cked up thing was I put a new tshirt on and sprayed some after shave on in some wierd attempt to impress her. SHe text bk to say I didnt need to impress her. I text bk and said "Don't worry it won't happen again"....and left it at that when she replied saying I need to make up my mind what I want.
She tried ringing this evening but I didnt answer.
My birthday is on Wednesday. Blimey I am going to be 32! She has paid no mention to it so I am wondering if for the first time in 7 years she will forget it. If she does, I have in my head then that will DEFINITELY be it. Even though the sane part of my brain is saying it should be over anyway.
Oh yeah, and when I spoke to her a couple of days ago I said to she should tell that man to take the photo down of him and her clearly as a couple. But her response was to ask that if she does that, will I promise her that we will make another go of it. I made no promise as it was like she was keeping him as a back up which I told her. So she it seems is going to be happy whatever cos if she doesnt have me, she will have him. Although she does want me more instead of him I know for sure. But is there too much water under the bridge. Will she just do it again when another man takes her fancy. How does the woman's mind work?!
Anyway, that is where I stand at the moment. I think my worry is not finding someone again. It's daunting staring from scratch again. It takes ages to build up a solid relationship and who is to say if I do that with another woman, the same isnt to happen again!?
Anyway, that is where I stand at the moment. I think my worry is not finding someone again. It's daunting staring from scratch again. It takes ages to build up a solid relationship and who is to say if I do that with another woman, the same isnt to happen again!?
Well, just gotta take your chances. I had that issue with other things and yeah... it's even worse if you mention this to other people. They will not take it well. They get jealous you mention your past, they get angry you don't trust them, and they even say you have a bad attitude.
Thanks guys/girls for your advice. I almost enjoy reading the replies in a theraputic kind of way. When I read what you all write, I know exactly what you say is true and the sane part of my brain connects. But then I get the other feeling which rears its head which tells me I love this girl so why would I not want to be with her.
Newsflash - this is NOT what love looks like
You are justifying things so that you won't have to do what you know you need to do.
"Will she just do it again when another man takes her fancy."
Yes, she will.
I know you love this woman and you are willing to forgive her, but you shouldn't forgive her. You deserve someone who will love, trust, appreciate, and respect you as much as you do them. If you go back with her you are setting yourself up for more pain because she will not be faithful to you. I know it's hard to think about throwing away a seven year relationship, but the relationship is irreparably broken, and deserves to be thrown away - you know that.
People really don't change. She is a cheater. She will cheat on you again. It's best to get rid of her.
You are young. You will find someone again. Don't let insecurity force you to stay with someone who doesn't really care about you. There are other women out there who will respect, love and appreciate you. Believe it.
I am sorry you are going through this but if you think you will be wasting 7 years, how will you feel when you have wasted 10, 12...20? You mention being 32 as if you will be 60 next year (no offense to those who are 60+). You still have plenty of time to meet a woman that is perfect for you and establish a family.
This may just be my thinking but you are/were NOT boyfriend #1. The primary bf is the one that has access to see and post what THEY do online. The primary bf is the one that came to YOU because he thought he was the one and only. She is not to EVER be trusted. I could somehow, possibly see a one time slip up...but to see another man for a year takes an entirely different level of deceit and manipulation.
Ask yourself these questions. 1) When she leaves the house, would you trust that she is where she says she is? 2) When you two start a family...would you trust that it was your seed growing inside her versus another man's? 3)In 7 years, why weren't you two already married? (though in your case it is better/easier that you aren't, but I am asking if the relationship was so good outside of this development why hadn't you tied the knot before this) 4) Hell, when she opens her mouth would you really believe anything she is saying???
I am telling you to walk away and never look back. Of course this is a case of easier said than done, but this is coming from someone who has done it. I walked away from 10 years because of the same reason. Though you can't see it now, it will get better and you will wonder how you ever even considered taking her back. You will feel freer having been released from the emotional burden of the deceit, manipulation, and abuse that your former gf has put you through.
Do not listen to anything she tells you. He repeatedly told me that he didn't want to lose me and blah, blah, blah...but I am a firm believer in actions and body language over words and it took that belief along with a desire to finally love myself more than I loved him to give me the strength to walk away!
Go ahead and mourn the loss of this relationship, build yourself up and wait until you have truly healed from those hurts before beginning another one. In the next one, you will be more aware of behaviors that seem untrustworthy, trust your gut...but don't accuse unless you have facts. Don't knock out the next woman for what the previous woman did but don't overlook obvious signs of deceit for fear of losing a relationship either.
If you are a good man, you deserve a good woman. A good woman will never have to tell you that you are her only man (unless you just want to hear it) because she will show you that you are. When a good woman tells you that she doesn't want to live without you, you will not have to guess if she really means it. I hope that you find the woman deserving of your love, and I also hope that when she comes you are truly ready for her. Stay strong and STAY AWAY from what's her name like she's the plague!
Hello
I am here for a little bit of advice and also because I am in a down in the dumps mood at the moment. This follows me finding out that my girlfriend of 7 years had a sexual relationship with another man.
The man in question was a customer at the pub where she works and for a year I was suspicious of him thanks to facebook posts. Basically she was telling me she was one place when really she was with him. I concluded one weekend that they were together on a little hotel break which I confronted her about a few weeks later. She finally admitted that she went away with him but that they slept in separate beds. Hmm?
Anyway, eventually, he apparently dumped by her and he chose to turn up at my door and tel me who he was and that he had been dating my gf for a year. He further told me that he was suspicious of her dating another male and he showed me photos of her and this other male together on days out. I had not seen these as she refuses me as a friend on facebook.
Anyway, this second bloke has in recent months listed himself as being in a relationship and has couple like piortfolio photos of him and her on his main pic on the facebook. I wish facebok was never invented! It's clear to me that them two have something going on. She had been stopping over at his which she denies.
Well for some reason after all this she tells me she still wants me and that "she doesnt wanna live without me". So I am in this position of whether to try again with her and sweep what she has done under the carpet. She has admitted now to having had a sexual relationship with the first male since November and that went on until March when he came to my door.
She refuses to admit anything sexual involvement with the second male but he still has them both photyographed with harms around eachother on facebook etc. I am wondering whether it would be worth writing him a message on facebook but do not want to come across as the jealous boyfriend type.
I keep thinking of so many good memories with her and old photos are not helping as they show just the good times. My emotions are rock bottom at the moment and just feel like my life is going by at a rete of knots with nothing to show.
All I want is to be happy with a trustworthy partner who I can grow old and have a kids with but I fear that despite all my love for this girl, she will only hurt me again if I tell her we can start over from fresh. I can never see it as being a fresh start because them memories of her being in bed naked with another man doing sexual things is a killer though that I cannot get out of mu head. I feel so cheated on.
Advice greatly needed....Thanks in advance!
Thats the price you pay for being a nice guy.
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Just repeating the other posters...
