A Realization I Came to About "Leagues"

[rohirette]

Leagues exist, but they are more like bouys floating on the waves than rigid walls.

There is regional variation, for certain. There are different preferences held by different ethicities. There are people whose intellects make it impossible to find a match amongst the class of their birth. There are people who through strange circumstances grow close to someone that would never have caught their eye in a bar.

One person's preferences center around income, another around looks, a third around friendship & loyalty. So that first person views a wealthy but troll like man as in a very high league, but the second woman thinks that he is a few notches down. The third doesn't care about either thing.

With the exception of the extremes - people who are gorgeous, slender, well educated AND wealthy, or mean, dull and obese - the leagues are in the eye of the beholder.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by stepka

Yes but that cake icing is pretty important to the overall flavor. I think those are the qualities that you want--at the very least. No doubt about it but take my word for it, if you guys can't talk about stuff, you'll be bored. The things you want are important to me too but I was once in a relationship with a man who was kind, loving, and affectionate, hot too, and good in bed. Trouble is, he was dumb as a rock and didn't like to discuss many of the things that I like and he would watch inane shows on TV all evening and he felt that it was rude if I got a book out--he actually expected me to sit and watch TV all evening with him. After a year and a half, I was bored out of my skull and we parted but he was kind and affectionate to the end. Really knight, think about what you really want--all of it, not just the least of it.

This is what I was getting at. Common interests, similar intelligence level, and good character will see the relationship through the long haul. Really, that stuff is just as basic as love, affection, respect and sex. Very well said, Stepka.

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by stepka

Yes but that cake icing is pretty important to the overall flavor. I think those are the qualities that you want--at the very least. No doubt about it but take my word for it, if you guys can't talk about stuff, you'll be bored. The things you want are important to me too but I was once in a relationship with a man who was kind, loving, and affectionate, hot too, and good in bed. Trouble is, he was dumb as a rock and didn't like to discuss many of the things that I like and he would watch inane shows on TV all evening and he felt that it was rude if I got a book out--he actually expected me to sit and watch TV all evening with him. After a year and a half, I was bored out of my skull and we parted but he was kind and affectionate to the end. Really knight, think about what you really want--all of it, not just the least of it.

I understand and respect your POV, my friend stepka, and I agree that being able to talk to someone you love is indeed very important. However, as I believe I may have mentioned in an earlier post in the thread, for me personally as a guy, actually being able to find a girl who is kind, loving, and affectionate to me has been a near-Herculean and incredibly challenging task, in any many past attempts. There are a lot of women who I can "talk to" on a similar wavelength and spectrum and who indeed I may find to be fascinating, but there is a much narrower window of people who I can talk to *and* who will treat me in a loving and affectionate manner. What do you do when this happens? I have been on dates with girls in the past who I found to be incredibly intriguing and whom I had some very good and solid conversations with on an intellectual level, only to later find out that even though she and I may have had a deep, hours-long and exciting talk, it didn't matter in the end, b/c she didn't "feel chemistry" with me, saw me only as a friend, or was otherwise not romantically-attracted to me. So I still came up short and empty-handed...

This is another reason why again for me, when all is said and done in the end, girl's ability to be gentle, tender, and affectionate to me,m is by far the most important quality that I am looking for, in a love relationship. I am not dismissing the ability to talk or have deep and satisfying conversations with someone you love as unimportant mind you; I am just saying that doesn't there have to be feelings of love for you to begin with (i.e., which would make them tend to want to be affectionate and loving to you, in the first place), to begin with. I just don't want to end up proverbially "putting the cart before the horse".