Obsession with Gabbing, Confidence (feeling, meaning, acquaintance, relation)
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What? Dude you're making too much of it
I'm just annoyed this chick keeps insisting her BS. Typical too-many-hallmark-channel movies, wannabe psycholosgist kind of chick. I say two words and all of a sudden she knows i have some deep anger problem and I insulted all women. Our culture is a stupid gab culture, it's just a fact of life (and like any culture, of course it's not ubiquitous in every single person, I never said that, and I shouldn't have to use that qualifier every second)
So I'm not letting her get away with it
I could have told you girls are stupid since I was 13. Trust me, I'm not putting women on a pedestal.
Man oh man. Save this thread, come back in 5 years, and read every one of your posts, and then ask yourself what kind of quality woman would consider dating a guy who posts like you on these forums.
It's ok, we've all been through that stage to some extent.
OP, can "vent" all he wants, but people who are good at conversation including small talk will always have an advantage in life. Small talk is important in making friends, dating, getting a job, establishing relationships with customers and coworkers. That's just the way it is. I don't want to sit around talking sports and weather forever with a romantic partner, but most people don't dive right into really serious topics. That's just not the way life works and I think you can tell a lot about a person from small talk. Small talk can be where did you grow up, talking about family, hobbies, trips you've been on, etc. It doesn't have to be meaningless. I've gone on dates where the guy didn't say much and it was really awkward and really unpleasant and no there wasn't another date after that. Why would there be?
The OP is a really strange mix of awkwardness and vanity... but hey if he can pull off meeting a woman on the street and taking her right home to show off his crazy bedroom skills without ever engaging in any of that converastion stuff I might reevaluate my opinion of him, hah!
OP, can "vent" all he wants, but people who are good at conversation including small talk will always have an advantage in life. Small talk is important in making friends, dating, getting a job, establishing relationships with customers and coworkers. That's just the way it is. I don't want to sit around talking sports and weather forever with a romantic partner, but most people don't dive right into really serious topics. That's just not the way life works and I think you can tell a lot about a person from small talk. Small talk can be where did you grow up, talking about family, hobbies, trips you've been on, etc. It doesn't have to be meaningless. I've gone on dates where the guy didn't say much and it was really awkward and really unpleasant and no there wasn't another date after that. Why would there be?
The OP is a really strange mix of awkwardness and vanity... but hey if he can pull off meeting a woman on the street and taking her right home to show off his crazy bedroom skills without ever engaging in any of that converastion stuff I might reevaluate my opinion of him, hah!
OP can't pull off much of anything with women. See his previous posts for details.
well... my biggest problem is I'm busy and I don't get out much. The stuff I like to do, doesn't lend itself to going clubbing or to bars etc. except for dancing maybe. I like ballroom dancing, but apparently in NJ that's only done by the 40+ crowd. I've not ever yet just hung out at a bar with friends, and don't know if i care to, other than for the chance of meeting people/women. Then again just hanging with friends will be fun. On top of that a lot of my friends I don't think like to be out too late, they get tired... hell, i kinda get tired. And it'd feel awkward asking one of them to be a "wingman".
I can actually be pretty fearless, I've mentioned that when i took two buddies to a match.com thing, I was the only one who got numbers. And those guys are bigger talkers about that stuff. I just get nervous sometimes.
Actually, to be quite frank, i think my one buddy thinks I don't know that many people, so he kinda wrote me off, which is stupid, because like I said, I was at least able to get numbers at the mixer thing. This is a guy who goes to strip clubs and massage parlors, lol
Stuff I naturally think of doing - social dances or ballroom dancing, going out to have lunch at an exotic or new place, walking my dog around in parks, possibly bringing her to outside sit-down lunch. Bowling, I guess? Oooh! And i want to throw dinner parties, gotta start on that, I can cook.
But that leaves me not getting out Saturday nights, other than let's say going to see a movie with friends
didn't put down women as a whole and you're moving the goalposts. FAIL
Way you were framing it, anybody who's alone at any one time, it's all their fault. Now, like I said, you're moving the goalposts.
PAUSE!!!
I myself am alone, but it is not my "fault", it is my CHOICE.
Well, if you can't have a conversation how could anyone get to know him? Almost all social interactions START with small talk of some sort. I don't meet someone and lead with what I feel is the meaning of life - not if I don't want them to run away.
Talk about a bullseye...
I used to believe that I had to say something "profound" or "sage" or "philosophical" to get something going. All most guys have to do is be human when it comes to talking with women. (If you are a hot stud, then you may have to forget about game, it could back fire).
No, I'm really confident. I know I'm awesome. It's my view of how others might view me that can be shaky, it's a conditioned thing. That, and sometimes I just get nervous, a reactionI can't control.
Anyway, I was going it alone at a bar, so that made me nervous. I gotta try again at my local, do the shooting pool thing like I described in another thread.
OKAY, you state that other’s view’s of you maybe shaky since you have a difficult time in communicating? And you get nervous? When trying to speak to women at a bar? So you feel that going to a local haunt like a pool hall may relax you more?
NOT all women “Require” a man who can make her laugh although having that ability is fun.
This is not to say the guy is a total douche bag and this is his “lure” to women specifically.
Communication and personality are often co-occurring, a fun personality is one light of, heart, that even while the situation maybe tense, awkward the person has enough personality to poke fun at themselves, say something witty to loosen the tension, this is refreshing..
Being quiet is okay too however when meeting someone, first impressions do count, simply not engaging in any conversation gives the impression of boredom or someone who is really that dull that they have nothing to say, no input, no nothing..yuck.
YOU STATE your confidence exudes from being able to dance ( Ballroom) and have sex? If I read this right as well as “looking good”
I have done Ballroom dancing and no talking is needed, however just because a man dances well and looks good does not mean we will get along or that I will like him, because whether you choose to accept it or not,
SOME exchange of conversation is needed and it is not up to one person to keep a conversation going period..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanuttree
Oh **** you wanna be psychologist. I said I wanted to vent. What you're saying amounts to saying that anyone that can be angry has an anger problem. You don't know me personally and I've only posted some stuff on the internet.
What's in it for her? Well, I look good, and I'm only going to look better and better (working out), and I'm also healthy. And I'm pretty damn sure I can go longer than 15 minutes, think more 30mins-hour. Etiher way I'll try to please her too. Plus, like I said, I can dance. Plus, I'm sorta loaded, my family/parents are anyway. Also, I'm intelligent, and I' have a lot of practical life skills (cooking, etc.)
Oh but wait. I forgot being intelligent is a downside. I want to talk about nanotechnology or politics, whereas everyone wants to babble "WHAT'S THE GOOD WORD!?" or "HOW BOUT THE KNICKS!?" or some such nonsense.
As for I shouldn't have to entertain her... may be some truth to that. The one girl I almost slept with, I had her on my couch, probably would have but she couldn't sleep over because she had to wake up early for mother's day, she was this fugly video game playing nerd girl. And she would talk a lot herself, as opposed to expecting me too. In reality she was more fun and entertaining than most girls, I can't imagine how much fun she'd be if she were still able to date, especially what with the video games.
You posted threads on a public forum, regardless of VENTING, everyone here has different perceptions and WILL have an opinion, if you do not wish to see it and read it? Do not post on a public forum and perhaps find another website that shares the same exact views that you hold, easy right?
I do not haveto know you in order to formulate a response based on a personal opinion ( That being mine) and replying, this is my right to do so being that this is a public forum.
“What’s in for her?” You look good? And will continue to look better ( by working out and being healthy) and the fact that you can go for longer than 15 minutes and thinking more along the lines of half an hour to an hour?
Again relying on your looks and stamina?
This is not all one needs to assure they get a partner or date for that matter.
THERE are a lot of good looking people out there, there has to be more than looks and sex, not everyone is “Shallow”.
Lol..Okay, you mentioned the dance thing twice now, this is not always important to everyone, it is a nice attribute to have but not something that is going to be a deal breaker!
Now you are adding to the list of what should be appealing qualities, “You are loaded, no wait your folks are, but you are intelligent too.?”
Okay first of all, this is family money, you have not earned any of it, and intelligence based on what scale?
You have acquired “Practical life skills” Okay that’s great and I am sure many women would love this about you if you could talk enough and intelligently enough to get past the first date!
Downside to intelligence? You stated nanotech and politics? This does not equate intelligence, intelligence on the whole means mental, social and emotional…hence, emotional competency, and so forth.
YOU statement regarding the “fugly” girl you almost “bagged” I would not brag about such a alleged almost conquest…
You wasted time insulting another poster with this post and have stated all of these things you have to offer, yet you state you have no conversationalist skills? When it is easy to see that you have much to draw from when it comes to conversation, the love of food, what your favorite dish is, your favorite style of dance, Merengue, Bachata, cumbia, fox trot, jitter bug, tourneys, how serious you are about it and so forth, YET YOU COME UP EMPTY?
In order to “Get to know someone” you are going to have to develop some basic skills, attend a toast masters for public speaking and so forth, to force yourself out of your conditioned state, you control you and you cannot expect to know someone or for them to give you time based on your looks, your alleged talent for dance and endurance in the sack..lol…
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanuttree
No, babe, HOW BOUT THEM KNICKS isn't communication. Talking about NOTHING, absolutely complketely NOTHING, ALL THE TIME AND IN GREAT AMOUNTS, is NOT COMMUNICATION. I'm great at communication. I suck at BS. I hate BS.
You know, this is giving me a theory... that people who are gabbers, and like going to bars and stuff, are bad in bed, or at least worse than more reserved people. Maybe they get more sex, but it probably isn't as good. If you think about it, if talking is so stimulating to them, they probably don't need/want more intense stimulaiton elsewhere. I seen the Jersey Shore, when they show that black and white cam they're barely moving in the bed.
Lol…Basketball, football or baseball can be boring however it does not amount to BS…They are called “passions” and the love of sports. I love football, MMA and others however I do not talk about them all the time, if it comes in “Conversation” I do have opinions on it.
Speaking of “Hobbies” whether they be hiking, cycling, Ballroom dancing and what have you does not mean that these topics are “BS” AND NONSENICAL, these topics are all about getting to know someone, whether one shares something in common with another person they have met or planning to be in a relationship with.
Math, English, Classics, Theatre, the love of film, art is not BS…these are all hobbies, points of interest, documentaries, philosophy, politics, family, upbringing, values, beliefs, these are all the things that make up a personality a person…
These topics are not BS, perhaps you view them this way because you do not have many of these passions or perhaps you lack communication skills and emotional competency and cannot engage another person..?
Lol! If the bar is where you are seeking that special person? You will be somewhat letdown. However I go to bars with my girlfriends from time when I was single and I am considered not a gabber but someone who can speak to anyone about anything because I do know a lot of facts about a lot of little oddities and real life gained by experience.
I am not afraid of people or their perception of me since they struck up conversation of “Hey, how are you doing tonight?”
Meeting people can be fun, if only as friends, networking and so forth, conversation and the art of conversation is needed in very fact of life..
The intelligence has failed you if you do not realize this..
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