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Old 10-10-2012, 12:50 PM
 
1,392 posts, read 1,809,211 times
Reputation: 743

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I'm split on the nature of dating
Would you say, you're going from person to person, and getting knowing them in an intimate/romantic context, over and over again, until you find that person that you click with in that way?
Or would you say you're trying to get to know each person first, and then deciding whether you want to be more intimate with them

Like, here's CaptainJack (a poster here)

Quote:
You will not be able to get a girlfriend until you get her into bed first. In fact, getting to know the girl should not be your first priority (although it is important). Getting her into bed will give you the best chance at keeping her around (especially if she's hot).

It sounds like your problem is your inexperience (which you acknowledge) and your mindset. You have to get in the habit of making moves. When in doubt, make the move...ALWAYS. It's that simple really. Just have to keep doing it.

As far as putting her on a pedestal, the easy advice would be to just stop doing it. For me, though, it took losing a few girls that I really cared about to do it (basically, I would try to date them traditionally and not have sex with them as early as I could have....then they ditched me for other guys that will have sex with them). It was a hard lesson to learn and VERY painful, but it gave me experience and made me realize that the dating world is not how our parents (or most people on this forum) think it is.

Now, if a girl tells me she's "not that kind of girl," I generally ignore that, make things happen, and realize that she IS that kind of girl, which is the norm.
Now, i think part of the problem with this, is maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, so he's finding girls who "fall" for this so to speak? (That is, it's the only way to keep their attention - sleep with them). What do you guys think?
Captainjack, you ever date someone from a mediterranean culture (Greek, armenian, lebanese, etc.), children of immigrants, and this still was the only thing that kept her attention? It's hard for me to imagine the girls (hell, even the guys) in my ethnic circle, working like this.

I'll grant that eventually one day it's possible I'll just find someone i click with right off the bat, which will be both a combinatiobn of our personalities meshing and the date going in such a way that we see that in each other. But those might be long odds/a long wait. And, like I've mentioned, few people have freidnds of the opposite sex they see so frequent that they become friends that develops into a relationship (especially busy young peope). So it seems dating first is what we're left with. It seems like deliberately trying to get to know someone in an intimate context first is the only option left, which is of course the whole point of dating, but what I mean is more CaptainJack's style, not worry first about meshing well, but jumping into getting to know them intimately and THEN seeing how you two work together.
Because one thing that Captainjack's littel spiel makes sense to guys is, it is indeed hard to keep a woman's attention. And women do tend to acquiesce to sex and then like you more/stick around after that.

Me? First I just gotta get out more and try more
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Central California
1,783 posts, read 1,953,457 times
Reputation: 1684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanuttree View Post
I'm split on the nature of dating
Would you say, you're going from person to person, and getting knowing them in an intimate/romantic context, over and over again, until you find that person that you click with in that way?
Or would you say you're trying to get to know each person first, and then deciding whether you want to be more intimate with them

Like, here's CaptainJack (a poster here)



Now, i think part of the problem with this, is maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, so he's finding girls who "fall" for this so to speak? (That is, it's the only way to keep their attention - sleep with them). What do you guys think?
Captainjack, you ever date someone from a mediterranean culture (Greek, armenian, lebanese, etc.), children of immigrants, and this still was the only thing that kept her attention? It's hard for me to imagine the girls (hell, even the guys) in my ethnic circle, working like this.

I'll grant that eventually one day it's possible I'll just find someone i click with right off the bat, which will be both a combinatiobn of our personalities meshing and the date going in such a way that we see that in each other. But those might be long odds/a long wait. And, like I've mentioned, few people have freidnds of the opposite sex they see so frequent that they become friends that develops into a relationship (especially busy young peope). So it seems dating first is what we're left with. It seems like deliberately trying to get to know someone in an intimate context first is the only option left, which is of course the whole point of dating, but what I mean is more CaptainJack's style, not worry first about meshing well, but jumping into getting to know them intimately and THEN seeing how you two work together.
Because one thing that Captainjack's littel spiel makes sense to guys is, it is indeed hard to keep a woman's attention. And women do tend to acquiesce to sex and then like you more/stick around after that.

Me? First I just gotta get out more and try more
Do what you wanna do man. I'm not saying every single girl on the planet is like this. I've met a few here and there that aren't like that. I've dated Greek girls, Indian girls, Asian girls....same thing across the board.

I only met one Lebanese girl in my life at a club. I made out with her, but she wouldn't come home with me. Maybe she's different? Or maybe my game just sucked that night? Who knows?

I've lost many more girls by not having sex with them than having it. I've talked to my friends about this often (many of whom date very attractive women). They've found the same thing to be true.

My advice is based on my own (and their) collective experiences. This is why I have trouble believing that many of the younger guys on this forum that disagree with me actually have experience with women.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:06 PM
 
1,392 posts, read 1,809,211 times
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I guess I'm worried if that's the worst way to find a wife in the long run
But I shouldn't worry about that, I should start SOMETHING in the first place, I guess
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 21,511,773 times
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I never slept with anyone until I knew them pretty well.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:24 PM
 
1,392 posts, read 1,809,211 times
Reputation: 743
Quote:
I've dated Greek girls, Indian girls, Asian girls....same thing across the board
oh... were they actually kids of parents who came to this country, said parents having been raised elsewhare pretty much to adulthood? That specific thing is where it makes a difference culturally
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:56 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,107 posts, read 8,605,843 times
Reputation: 11657
Having sex with someone doesn't keep them around. Dating is about finding one person but you don't usually meet that one person right away. Plus the more you date the more you know what you're looking for, what your deal breakers are, etc. It's a learning process.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:07 PM
 
14,747 posts, read 29,208,505 times
Reputation: 8805
Finding one person.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:46 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,704 posts, read 45,349,602 times
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It's finding that one person that totally fits. It's like casting calls.
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Old 10-11-2012, 12:52 AM
 
Location: Central California
1,783 posts, read 1,953,457 times
Reputation: 1684
Another general rule: never take advice from women about women. It's almost always wrong.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,305 posts, read 8,676,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainJack87 View Post
I've lost many more girls by not having sex with them than having it. I've talked to my friends about this often (many of whom date very attractive women). They've found the same thing to be true.
Have these girls told you specifically that that's why it didn't work out?
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