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I don't know too many men who would even allow a women to pay for the first two or three dates. The problem comes with EXPECTATION. Many ladies think that the man MUST pay for everything. Very few are willing to even offer to help out with the bill. If you sincerely enjoy the company of the man that you are on a date with then why not offer to pay. 99% of the time the guy will not allow that to happen. But the GESTURE shows that you are not selfish and are actually interested in more than just what the guy can do for you financially.
I think there is a difference between paying for the first date and paying for ALL dates. I also think there is a difference between a woman who appreciates a man who pays and a woman who expects a man to pay. I've ALWAYS offered to pay at least my share - but some of the men I've been with have insisted on paying most of the time. I even have a few male friends that insist on paying when we go out. And none of these guys has ever been resentful - they wanted to do it. With my ex fiance - we would usually split things or go back and forth between who paid. There were times when I paid for more things because I had more money and vice versa.
I don't know - I feel like you should be able to tell the difference between someone who is only in it for the free food and someone who is there to really get to know you. Just like I was always able to tell the difference between someone who was only looking to get in my pants and someone who wanted to get to know the whole package.
I think there is a difference between paying for the first date and paying for ALL dates. I also think there is a difference between a woman who appreciates a man who pays and a woman who expects a man to pay. I've ALWAYS offered to pay at least my share - but some of the men I've been with have insisted on paying most of the time. I even have a few male friends that insist on paying when we go out. And none of these guys has ever been resentful - they wanted to do it. With my ex fiance - we would usually split things or go back and forth between who paid. There were times when I paid for more things because I had more money and vice versa.
I don't know - I feel like you should be able to tell the difference between someone who is only in it for the free food and someone who is there to really get to know you. Just like I was always able to tell the difference between someone who was only looking to get in my pants and someone who wanted to get to know the whole package.
thats the theory i was getting across to USA above..i think even though people say theyre ok with it now..they eventually grow resentful of it. I know my ex did of me. and it was wrong. i just really enjoyed feeling that support from a female for once in my life
SEEKING MALE RESPONSES ONLY.Be objective in answering these questions if you would be so kind to share: Do not probe conflict among users if you particularly feel different to their views. Your thoughts have been accepted and appreciated
Through time, we've seen several topics rise regarding gender roles in the dating phase( hooker vs one night stand, who should pay etc)
This has inevitably stirred a lot of mixed feelings between male and female users in the forum. So far as women making ridiculous statements regarding the forum's male population not being of quality par to the men they feel entitled to.
Where does this animosity, sense of entitlement, and even resentment come from?
Are we as guys really responsible for enabling this type of ego when most women agree that men should pay for every date , particularly the first?? (eventhough some guys find it easier to accept this as true despite their TRUE feelings)
Where is the rationale behind the people, particularly women, who rave successful marriages and relationships are about each partner being equal to one another yet they turn around and state they refuse to date a man who doesnt ask the girl out, doesnt pay for dates, doesnt ask the girl to get married in one knee, doesnt make her laugh etc etc
At 29, i really question where all these demands come from. Of course, we would trim some of those rules tailored to specific girls, but that seems to be the general notion. Why do women really entitled to so much or as if they have the upper hand?
I truly resent this and find myself having a negative outlook of dating all together. Particularly when ive engaged single frustrated women whom feel they cant find "the right guy" Their narcissistic views dont set them free of that chain
I will give you some advice. That's all it IS is advice and you are entirely welcome to take it or leave it.
I do not offer these words in order to please the local female populace, or to earn points. I offer them because I was once a young man who was confused about a lot of female behaviour. I grew up during the late 60's, throughout the 70's and 80's, have lived straight on through to today; and while I did NOT witness ALL of the social volatility of the past few decades, I got to experience a LOT of it.
That being said, I'll give you the advice I wish to GOD someone had been able to give me all those years ago in order to make dating, marriage and even mere public discourse easier for me as a man.
You're going to run into a LOT of people out there, both men and woman.
Many -- the vast majority, even -- will ultimately prove themselves to be egocentric, sometimes egotistical, generally selfish and NOT bright enough to think for themselves but rather behave like folks who willingly succumb to the latest social trends regarding what men and women are "supposed" to do.
If you want some PRIME advice, then seek out people over 90 years of age who still possess their mental marbles. When you begin to ask them about life with the other gender, and marriage back then, what you'll find is that a whole lot of deeply erroneous mythology has been created over the past 50-55 years, and for all that there WERE social wrongs which needed correction, a lot of those wrongs have been mythologized, lent a certain social "imago", vilified and held up as STANDARD for what once was.
You're not going to DATE the majority of women, let alone marry them. Learn what YOU want and skip those who don't offer it.
You're not going to LISTEN to the majority of men, because most of them will, given time, exhibit all the intellectual agility of a small soapdish. Learn to ignore THEM. While there are some AWFUL experiences to be had out there in the dating world, people tend to forget that the COMMON factor behind all their failed relationships is THEM -- and if it dawns on them most of THOSE will quickly sweep it under the rug because pointing the harsh finger of critical examination at the SELF is amazingly difficult and highly distasteful.
Stop listening to bitter men and selfish women, and instead figure yourself out, figure out what you want in both friends and partners, and actively pursue THAT.
Life is short; don't waste it on nonsense NO one can figure out because it's garbage anyway.
Princess syndrome is the result of:
a) monied family
b) Daddy put her on a pedestal
c) much stronger positive reinforcement about her appearance vis a vis girls in her peer group
d) social venues such as beauty contests, sororities, and "holier than thou" church social groups
e) some combination of the above
Some counterbalancing of these elements can derail Princess syndrome. I knew a girl from Westchester County NY whose Dad was some CEO mucky-muck who doesn't have it because she doesn't have the appearance that it would entail.
thats the theory i was getting across to USA above..i think even though people say theyre ok with it now..they eventually grow resentful of it. I know my ex did of me. and it was wrong. i just really enjoyed feeling that support from a female for once in my life
I think that really depends on the person. My husband insisted on paying on almost all of our dates. And now he's my husband! It actually became a ritual for us to fight over the check - and once in awhile he'd let me leave the tip. I think once in a blue moon he'd let me treat him.
The way I see it is that if you are going to become resentful of the person - then if they offer to pay - you let them. If they don't offer to pay and you are becoming resentful - talk to them about it or break it off.
Also - I was never one to start off dating someone in really expensive restaurants or anything like that. Most of my relationships started off as friends first - and although I'm a total foodie - I'm pretty low maintenance when it comes to dating. My husband and I like to splurge on food every now and then (less now and more then now that we have a baby) but we didn't start to do that until we were pretty serious about each other.
I will give you some advice. That's all it IS is advice and you are entirely welcome to take it or leave it.
I do not offer these words in order to please the local female populace, or to earn points. I offer them because I was once a young man who was confused about a lot of female behaviour. I grew up during the late 60's, throughout the 70's and 80's, have lived straight on through to today; and while I did NOT witness ALL of the social volatility of the past few decades, I got to experience a LOT of it.
That being said, I'll give you the advice I wish to GOD someone had been able to give me all those years ago in order to make dating, marriage and even mere public discourse easier for me as a man.
You're going to run into a LOT of people out there, both men and woman.
Many -- the vast majority, even -- will ultimately prove themselves to be egocentric, sometimes egotistical, generally selfish and NOT bright enough to think for themselves but rather behave like folks who willingly succumb to the latest social trends regarding what men and women are "supposed" to do.
If you want some PRIME advice, then seek out people over 90 years of age who still possess their mental marbles. When you begin to ask them about life with the other gender, and marriage back then, what you'll find is that a whole lot of deeply erroneous mythology has been created over the past 50-55 years, and for all that there WERE social wrongs which needed correction, a lot of those wrongs have been mythologized, lent a certain social "imago", vilified and held up as STANDARD for what once was.
You're not going to DATE the majority of women, let alone marry them. Learn what YOU want and skip those who don't offer it.
You're not going to LISTEN to the majority of men, because most of them will, given time, exhibit all the intellectual agility of a small soapdish. Learn to ignore THEM. While there are some AWFUL experiences to be had out there in the dating world, people tend to forget that the COMMON factor behind all their failed relationships is THEM -- and if it dawns on them most of THOSE will quickly sweep it under the rug because pointing the harsh finger of critical examination at the SELF is amazingly difficult and highly distasteful.
Stop listening to bitter men and selfish women, and instead figure yourself out, figure out what you want in both friends and partners, and actively pursue THAT.
Life is short; don't waste it on nonsense NO one can figure out because it's garbage anyway.
Wow..thats a powerful msg. Thank you sooooo much for writing this..i actually printed it..hope you dont mind
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,314 posts, read 8,655,857 times
Reputation: 6391
Damn I'm starting to feel old reading these threads, but why should'nt I pay for the date if I asked her out? Now I'm married and have been forever so maybe I just don't get it, but what is wrong with treating a lady like a lady??
If I can do something that would make her happy, why would'nt I do it..
If your having money trouble and can't afford to pay, don't go..Now there is nothing wrong with her paying once in awile, but let her make that decision...
Like I said maybe I'm just old or at least old fashioned....but treat her like a princess, thats what I was taught....
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