Why do people require someone have a degree in order to date them? (lover, child)
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To some extent this is true. Most women do not mind. Hell he can be attractive and non college educated and women would still wont mind being with him. In matter of fact I have known college educated women who fell for drug dealers and still like the guy. It all goes back to change, challenge and control method for women when in an relationship whether or not she has a degree. I have seen plenty of these types of scenarios before. I live in the Yuppie capital of America called NYC, plenty of women fly into NYC every year after college looking for work since there are no professional or creative jobs in the burbs or college towns of America. But from my observation and experience women know off the back I'm articulate and posses some sort of intellect just by the conversation we have. They would ask what degree did I earned, then they judge you on the degree, and then judge you on what institution I attended like public, state/city, private, community or IVY. I live in the Yuppie capital of America called NYC, plenty of women fly into NYC every year after college looking for work since there are no professional or creative jobs in the burbs or college towns of America. Some women don't mind if a man has a degree just as long as he is attractive its ok. Some women do mind ant they will pick and weave out the best guy with an education or settle for a guy that did not go to a big name college but yet values the idea of education and learning which is needed to raise and bring up a family.
I think more often than not --Money talks!!
And for the non-college-educated persons who make a lot of money: you'd think that they'd get more kudos from people for being smart enough and shrewd enough to make a good living without having to pay for the opportunity to make a good living; that is, pay for a college education so that you could theoretically gain access to higher-paying jobs.
These types of threads fascinate me because online dating data is a very interesting reflection of where we are in society. Note that I'm happily married and we both have advanced degrees, so this is purely observational. From my vantage point, it's hard for me to understand why someone *wouldn't* ask about educational background at near the top of the list of online criteria.
From what I've read from researchers of online dating patterns (i.e. the writers of Freakonomics, researchers on the 538 blog, etc.), the general conclusion seems to confirm a lot of stereotypes that we have, such as women *generally* being more superficial about male income and men *generally* being more superficial about female looks. Note that what people put on their personal profiles (meaning what they *say* they want) is largely irrelevant in determining true preferences; what really matters is who people are willing to message and/or respond to (reflecting what they *actually* want).
I emphasize *generally* because, as we all ought to know, the general rule among millions of people will carry a lot of individual variances. So, if women are generally more superficial about male income, then it makes perfect sense that they ask for a college degree requirement. In *general* (that word again), college degree holders earn significantly more than non-degree holders. Sure, many of us can point to the anecdotal stories of people that we know that don't have college degrees making tons of money along with college grads that are living on their parents' couches, but that is NOWHERE near the general rule statistically. Amongst the entire US population, the employment rates and salaries of degree-holders versus non-degree holders are not even close (and the disparity is even higher with advanced degrees). For whatever reason, I've seen a lot of posters on this board attempt to downplay this (usually pointing to someone without a degree that makes a lot of money while ridiculing a slacker college grad that now works as a barista), but individual anecdotes don't replace the very strong and clear general rule among millions of people.
Therefore, quantitatively, having a college degree is a relatively good baseline proxy for having a stable career and income. It isn't a *perfect* proxy (as the variance between individuals is very high), but for the purposes of online dating, I'd imagine that saying that you prefer college grads is much more socially acceptable than saying "I want a really rich guy/girl". It's a pretty easy and direct weeding out criteria for people going through hundreds/thousands/millions of profiles.
Qualitatively, if you had a traditional on-campus college experience, it's generally a very big deal socially. I think people are being disingenuous if they don't believe that specific experience has a huge impact on people's lives and it's a very large chasm to bridge if one person in a relationship didn't have that experience. It doesn't mean that it *can't* be bridged (as, once again, the general rule will have lots of individual variances when looking among millions of people), but it's a major factor.
I also don't think it has to do with elitism, but what's "normal" for your "tribe". I honestly grew up not even knowing that not going to college was even an option - for me to tell my parents that I wasn't going to college would have been akin to saying that I wasn't going to attend kindergarten or junior high. It was engrained in my head from birth that going to college was simply basic schooling. Now, I know that not everyone grows up in that environment, but there's a pretty sizable portion of the population with a similar upbringing. If you grew up in that environment (and my family wasn't rich by any means, by the way), then having a college degree is as basic as having a high school diploma. That's just the ante to get into the game at all. The real separation is *where* you went to college and how prestigious your program was.
People don't date at the macro level and they don't date statistics. I have a graduate degree and all the women I have ever dated have either been working on college, have a degree, working on a graduate degree, or have a graduate degree. I'm not selecting a potential partner based on that reason; it just happens to be that way and we were/are interested in one another and most likely the woman I will marry will have a degree because I'm surrounded by people with degrees. Most people who get married meet their spouses either in high school, college, or at work so it's not surprising that it works out that way. I value compassion, kindness and a drive to learn about the world in a partner; not how many formal degrees one has. I meet people with degrees who would go 0/3 in those categories and I meet people without degrees who go 3/3. Wanting to date our "equals"(the technical term is called assortative mating) when it comes to degrees isn't something that's just the way it is -- it's a relatively recent phenomenon that can be linked to access to education and jobs for women.
It's all about status. For a lot of women, they would much rather date a DJ who makes less money than an electrician, because electrician's are low status jobs. Same with most blue collar jobs even if they pay well.
Ha ha ha. Electrician a "low status" job? OK. But when your house is the only one on the street with no power, an electrician becomes GOD.
Ha ha ha. Electrician a "low status" job? OK. But when your house is the only one on the street with no power, an electrician becomes GOD.
You are right. Or when your plumbing breaks, all of a sudden plumbers are heroes. Or when your car breaks down on the freeway, the lowly tow-truck driver becomes a Godsend, as well as the grubby auto mechanic that fixes your car.
One can't really blame women for thinking like women, that is it is extremely hard for a woman to get a well paying job without a degree. So to them a degree is simply a given to a well paying job.
For men, there are simply a lot more options out there particularly in the trades. An "apprenticeship" is not seen as a degree and people that aren't exposed to it via friends or a family member are most like completely ignorant to this path in life. We're not talking about your typical dirty construction worker making ends meat, but high skilled trades pulling six figures....easy. There are many that work a decade in these trades eventually going into business for themselves and absolutely kill it. There's the saying the number one vehicle driven by millionaires is the F150 pickup.
But no, I don't blame women. A successful woman wants a successful man. It is basic Darwinism. I don't have a degree, but I'm well read, well spoken, and successful in my career. Via my travels for business I come in contact with a lot of women of the corporate type and eventually the conversation leads to our college histories. There's always that shock on their faces when I say my only education is HS. Like, how is that even possible? I have nothing against college, in fact I always wanted to go, but at this point in my life there is really no point. Adding to the unknowingness of it all I believe is the fact a lot of men in lucrative blue-collar work are extremely humble and unspoken about it. People simply don't know about it beyond the inner circle...maybe to protect the pay scale? I don't know.
My sisters, both of whom have master's degrees, married guys beneath them as far as education. When my oldest sister met her now-husband, he didn't even have a high school diploma. (He now has a bachelor's, but it wouldn't have been possible without her help.) My younger sister married someone whom, to this day, doesn't have a college degree.
Everyone has their own standards and requirements. As for me, I did want to end up with a college-educated woman. I worked really hard to earn my degree and wouldn't expect anything less from my partner. Besides, the fact someone has a degree makes me view her as intelligent and responsible enough to complete all the coursework required of her major.
My sisters, both of whom have master's degrees, married guys beneath them as far as education. When my oldest sister met her now-husband, he didn't even have a high school diploma. (He now has a bachelor's, but it wouldn't have been possible without her help.) My younger sister married someone whom, to this day, doesn't have a college degree.
Everyone has their own standards and requirements. As for me, I did want to end up with a college-educated woman. I worked really hard to earn my degree and wouldn't expect anything less from my partner. Besides, the fact someone has a degree makes me view her as intelligent and responsible enough to complete all the coursework required of her major.
How many irresponsible, intellectually average people have college degrees? I would wager that the number is significant ( as it is for the general populace). This idea that a college degree is some sort of major sign that a person is of high intelligence and is responsible seems myopic ( to me). No offense intended towards you though. Of all the potential markers one could use to judge how intelligent or responsible someone is ( or isn't), why use the college degree marker?
Sure, many college-educated people are driven, successful, responsible and of high intelligence, but so are many non-college-educated people.
It's all about status. For a lot of women, they would much rather date a DJ who makes less money than an electrician, because electrician's are low status jobs. Same with most blue collar jobs even if they pay well.
For some women it's about status, others not. It depends on the individual woman, but this is changing for the better. I knew a woman who married a guy from Russia who was trained as an engineer. So she thought she was marrying an engineer. The guy discovered how well transit workers get paid, and their benefits package, and decided to become a bus driver. Much lower stress, he said. This caused issues with his new wife, because she didn't want to be married to a bus driver. It was the same guy she'd fallen in love with, right? But now he was a bus driver.
Thank heaven this has been changing. I know guys in the trades who are married to lawyers and engineers. More and more women are oblivious to the status issue. It's more about what you have in common with someone. A woman I know who's an alternative energy systems engineer married an electrician (with only a gradeschool education) who was into solar electrification. That's a good match. They have a ton in common, and status is irrelevant.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-16-2015 at 01:08 PM..
Ha ha ha. Electrician a "low status" job? OK. But when your house is the only one on the street with no power, an electrician becomes GOD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34
You are right. Or when your plumbing breaks, all of a sudden plumbers are heroes. Or when your car breaks down on the freeway, the lowly tow-truck driver becomes a Godsend, as well as the grubby auto mechanic that fixes your car.
And conversely, just as easily forgotten. These things are, in fact, "low status jobs", because they don't garner "respect" from the world around them except in the aforementioned emergency situations. I sympathize...with a background in IT, I can't count the number of times I've heard "I don't care, just fix it". To the world around you, you are a hero for those few seconds, and then you're back to peon status just as quickly.
The world is only concerned with what it can get from you. Nobody's saying these professions aren't important...of course they are. But the world doesn't give a damn, so if that's something you need, look elsewhere.
The college degree thing is just a weed out tool for some women and it's probably not really a bad weed out tool since many households that are upper middle class and above have a college educated man in them.
For me, if I were currently hunting for a husband I wouldn't consider a college degree a requirement. For me, it's all about how "educated" someone is for them to be compatible with me. I would be looking for someone who has enough education, whether from a book or from life, to be able to carry on an intelligent conversation. I want someone who can speak with mostly correct vocabulary and grammar, who's done enough traveling that he recognizes there's more to the world than the next town over, who can carry on an intelligent conversation with a college professor one minute and a garbage man the next and be able to get along with both of them. I don't want an intellectual, but I also would never marry "Joe Bob the Redneck" either.
I also have known from a young age that I always wanted to live at least an upper middle class lifestyle. I wouldn't expect my spouse to earn that much by himself, but our two incomes together should be enough for that lifestyle. So I wouldn't care how great a husband Bob the store clerk would be, he wouldn't make enough money for me to marry. My potential spouse also would have to have enough internal drive to have a career that would keep him at an acceptable income level until retirement.
Looking at pool of men with college degrees would have more acceptable candidates for me than a group with no college degrees; that's why I would be looking more for men with degrees than without. But if I met a well-traveled, well-spoken successful man with only a high-school diploma, I would be just fine with him.
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