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It's actually quite appalling and shocking. I've never talked to men who felt this way or thought this way.
Me neither.
Makes me wonder if the guys on here, arguing how women should feel, are the same ones doing the leering and making lewd comments and gestures to perfect strangers...
If you want to keep thinking this way - as it seems you to - that's fine. I'd like to keep thinking that I'll will the lottery even though I rarely buy a ticket. We are all free to believe anything we want to - regardless of the truth.
It's not about thinking, it's about my experience.
I've NEVER seen a man slow his car slow down and shout some lewd comment at a woman.
And I see plenty of women on the sidewalk and plenty of cars rolling by.
..But then again, I've lived half of my life in suburbs.
So I don't know about the reality of such things in other places.
It's not about thinking, it's about my experience.
I've NEVER seen a man slow his car slow down and shout some lewd comment at a woman.
And I see plenty of women on the sidewalk and plenty of cars rolling by.
..But then again, I've lived half of my life in suburbs.
So I don't know about the reality of such things in other places.
Well, we have been telling you our experiences. You either believe them or you don't. I can't show you a video of my life - all I can do is tell you what has happened to me.
In New York City once, when I was on the upper east side, a guy almost hit me when I was in the cross walk. He swore at me and drove away. He was circling the block looking for a parking spot. He passed me again - looked at me - rolled down his window and hit on me. I told him that he had almost hit me and swore at me not even 2 minutes before - and he told me that everyone makes mistakes and I should give him another chance.
That is one of the most memorable "drive by" encounters I've had. Usually, they just roll down their windows and shout something out, whistle, or make kissing noises.
Once again - if you choose not to believe me - that's fine. Your belief or non belief in what happened doesn't change reality.
This sort of things never happen to me, and I don't do them, and I never see it happen myself because I mind my own business...
No wonder women on this board are so cautious of men who complement on their appearance...
Yup! Occasionally you can pick out the likely offenders. But I've had it happen from all types of guys. And the thing is, the comments started when I was around 12 or 13. I I tend to look younger than my age, so then, those men knew they were talking to a child.
When I was younger, I had a rule not to wear a skirt on the train. It sounds totally dumb. I have mostly always dressed fairly conservatively and I pretty much only wear skirts slightly above or below the knee (even when I was in my teens and 20s). Basically every ride I would get comments or worse (like people trying to touch me).
One summer, I think I was 19, I did a 5 day a week train commute. One day, I was likely dressed pretty similar to my outfit today, a pencil skirt, tee and a cardigan. I was on the way home, I grab a seat, a few minutes later some 20-something guy sits behind me and started talking to me. Started off normal, "hi my name is X, what's yours? headed home...typical small talk." Then a minute later, he switches seats to sit next to me and starts trying to touch my back, give me a massage and obviously crossing the line for someone you met 2 minutes ago. I thought: what the heck and hopped off on the next station. That was the end of my skirt wearing on the train. Usually I would get comments and nothing else.
Eventually, in my mid 20s, I decided it was really stupid to police what I wear because stupid men couldn't keep quiet and keep their hands to themselves. It wasn't my fault by any means.
That's why I am a big advocate of the friendly "hi" and a smile. It isn't threatening or scary. And even the women who get the sketchies commenting all the time are likely to be more responsive with a simple and non-threatening approach. And stay out of my personal space until I invite you in. That unfortunately wasn't the only time where some stranger thought it was a good idea to attempt to touch me minutes after meeting.
Back to the OP, I still wish people would define "hit-on."
Many of the posts I'm reading here have more to do with harassment/street harassment as opposed to actually being hit-on.
I know some people like to separate the two - but to me, it's such a fine line that I just put them all into the same category. What's the difference between a guy winking at you, a guy asking you your name, a guy yelling something at you, a guy offering to buy you a drink, etc. I mean - it all comes down to the same thing to me. There are nice ways to do things and not nice ways - but it's all about attraction.
I used to wonder why guys tried those cheesy pick up lines on girls on the street - because how could they ever work! But then I was walking into a shoe store one day and there was a woman a couple steps behind me about to go to the same place. This guy came from the opposite direction and said, "Hello lovely ladies - how you doin'?" or something like that. Anyway, I walked into the store and held the door open for the woman behind me - but she wasn't there anymore. She had stopped to talk to the guy!
I know some people like to separate the two - but to me, it's such a fine line that I just put them all into the same category. What's the difference between a guy winking at you, a guy asking you your name, a guy yelling something at you, a guy offering to buy you a drink, etc. I mean - it all comes down to the same thing to me. There are nice ways to do things and not nice ways - but it's all about attraction.
I used to wonder why guys tried those cheesy pick up lines on girls on the street - because how could they ever work! But then I was walking into a shoe store one day and there was a woman a couple steps behind me about to go to the same place. This guy came from the opposite direction and said, "Hello lovely ladies - how you doin'?" or something like that. Anyway, I walked into the store and held the door open for the woman behind me - but she wasn't there anymore. She had stopped to talk to the guy!
That's why its good not think in clumps and clusters while that wouldn't fly with you won't mean it won't fly with another women. It will help your sanity to understand not everyone processes things the way you do.
That's why its good not think in clumps and clusters while that wouldn't fly with you won't mean it won't fly with another women. It will help your sanity to understand not everyone processes things the way you do.
When did I say that I thought everyone processes things the same way that I do?
Well, we have been telling you our experiences. You either believe them or you don't. I can't show you a video of my life - all I can do is tell you what has happened to me.
In New York City once, when I was on the upper east side, a guy almost hit me when I was in the cross walk. He swore at me and drove away. He was circling the block looking for a parking spot. He passed me again - looked at me - rolled down his window and hit on me. I told him that he had almost hit me and swore at me not even 2 minutes before - and he told me that everyone makes mistakes and I should give him another chance.
That is one of the most memorable "drive by" encounters I've had. Usually, they just roll down their windows and shout something out, whistle, or make kissing noises.
Once again - if you choose not to believe me - that's fine. Your belief or non belief in what happened doesn't change reality.
I think the funniest drive-by hit on I ever got happened when I was driving. I was in my car, blasting my music, dancing along to whatever pop song it was. I happened to look over, and there was a guy just full on staring. Then he made motions like he wanted to join in on the dancing. So I kinda laughed, then he gave me the "roll down the window motion." I waved, sped up a bit. It was one of those commercial arteries with a bunch of traffic lights. So I get stuck at the light. He looked over again, gave me the roll down the window motion. And this continued on for a few lights until I hopped on the freeway. It was pretty funny.
I have had the drive by, stop, reverse, and then ask for my phone number (which continued as I was walking and they kept talking while driving 4mph). That was funny.
I don't mind getting hit on, if the people are polite. The problem is, even some of the polite people (at the start) don't take no for an answer, and it delves into insults, and curse-outs.
This thread is a perfect example of some of what women see out in society. There are "men" here responding that we need to change our clothes to not cause men to comment, or unless a man has seen this behaviour from others, it can't be happening, or women should appreciate the comments because soon we'll be old hags and wishing for those days again.
I wonder, too, if it's because women don't tend to talk about street harrassment happening. We keep it to ourselves, but sometimes when it comes up in conversation among women everyone has a story. Meanwhile, it's enough of a secret that many men (and even similar themes have come up in the political discourse) think that harrassment only happens to slutty women wandering around in tube tops and fishnets at 2 am who obviously were asking for it, and not their sisters and coworkers who were just going about their days. Maybe we all need to be more vocal, and make it clear that it's unacceptable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenFL
I never said that it was OK... It is all about lessening your chances... (last time that I will say that in this thread...)
You know what would really lessen the chances? If these men would learn to behave themselves in public.
(And yes, I realize that we've gone so far off topic. Mea culpa.)
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