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I am quite spoiled but not taken advantage of and I would never accept money from a boyfriend even if I was struggling which I have been in the past. I would agree to dinner out, him bringing groceries in for a specific meal, but never would I want money to help pay debts that are not his responsibility. As far as gifts go, I have what I need and do not need to receive gifts. I've never much been comfortable with them anyway because I have always provided what I need and I'm not into lots of jewelry or knick knacks and things like that.
And what's wrong with spoiling? When my wife and I started spending weekends together, I had her coffeemaker filled up and ready to turn on as soon as she woke up. Then I cooked her breakfast in bed. I have always tried to spoil the ladies in my life. Just some appreciate it more than others. I used to spend quite a bit of money on her. She doesn't like gifts that much, just special occasions. That's where she had trouble with me. Right now there is a big trash bag full of 50-75 stuffed animals I would win for her with the crane you see with the vending machines. When we would go out to eat, I always paid. i was brought up that I was supposed to. Pay her way and always open the door for her. My dad taught my brother and I that. He said it's called respect. After a while my wife (girlfriend then) told me to stop. We were staying with each other when we could and knew we were going to get married so I should let her buy from time to time. She said if I didn't she wouldn't go out to eat with me. lol
What I'm rambling on about is I agree with what you were saying that he can buy things only if he wants to, not that he has to. I didn't have to buy her things but I wanted to out of respect to her. Daddy must have done a good job of getting things for Mama. They were married 66 years!
Wow, 66 years, that's amazing. I loved your post, your wife is a lucky person.
Ya nothing wrong with spoiling. I was raised that a man always pays, at least one who is very into me. Even my friends boyfriends have paid for me and our other friends at times. but if they do it out of obligation, not because they want to..it makes you feel guilty.
Spoiling leads to cheating eventually.
If I had a good paying job and money. I would help you out, if you asked me to. But if we went out on dates and stuff, I'd pay. And by helping you out, I'd give you money to fill your car or money to just go and buy clothing you'd want or if you needed food, I'd go out and buy it for you. Or rent money, I'd give it to you. Without a second thought. It just seems normal. And your mother is right, if a guy won't spend money on you, it's either cause he's cheap-no good-or cause he has no money-not good-especially if you both are living outside of your parent's house. But sometimes you can spoil someone with the time spent with them.
was talking with my mom today and she insists that men always pay for the woman their dating and should buy thoughtful gifts and flowers every now and then. she also insists that men help their g/f financially if she's struggling and he makes a lot more money than her.
I told her I agree with her on some level but that its never any mans job to pay my way for things if I'm struggling, just because I'm struggling, or to buy me gifts randomly, unless he truly wants to. I don't agree that any man should feel obligated to, like my mom insists, just if he wants. This came up when we were talking about my brother and how he spoils his 20 year old g/f way too much (he's almost 23 anyways).
And no, no problems here...just curious how other see this issue.
i don't have the funds to sustain this sort of gift-giving over the course of a long relationship. i literally can't afford a woman with high $$ expectations.
so if a woman expected this from me, well, let's just say it would effectively put a cap on how much time i'm willing to commit.
if i ever strike it legitimately rich... well... ask me then what my feelings are.
And no, no problems here...just curious how other see this issue.
I think there is a difference in what each generation expects from the opposite gender. The only thing I remember my mom saying related to relationships was "its just as easy to fall in love with a rich man than it is a poor man", "look at how a man treats his mother" and after I was divorced awhile and the kids had gotten older she said that it was too late to worry about finding a husband now. Whatever that meant IDK. None of that advice worked to my advantage.
As a mother of sons I have told them 1. dont get married 2. stay away from crazy byotches 3. look for inner beauty and compatability because we will all get old and ugly and 4. always wear a helmet.
I think there is a difference in what each generation expects from the opposite gender. The only thing I remember my mom saying related to relationships was "its just as easy to fall in love with a rich man than it is a poor man", "look at how a man treats his mother" and after I was divorced awhile and the kids had gotten older she said that it was too late to worry about finding a husband now. Whatever that meant IDK. None of that advice worked to my advantage.
As a mother of sons I have told them 1. dont get married 2. stay away from crazy byotches 3. look for inner beauty and compatability because we will all get old and ugly and 4. always wear a helmet.
IMO and in my experience, Moms(especially when your a man) say alot of things about women and relationships when your young that you believe, because well duh it's your mom. But when you actually get experience with women, have relationships, threw ups and downs, see other people, you realize it's mostly bull****.
Now is your mom trying to lie or sabatoge you on purpose? Absolutely not she just has no idea what she's talking about. It's like most CD posters they're not trying to lie to you when giving advice they're just naive, out of the loop, or looking at it through Rose colored glasses
In that case I love my Momma, my sister and my grandma. They gave me the up and up about how girls are not all suger and spice and everything nice. How some girls will take advantage of the social standings and be just as good as players as some guys. They were trying to deter me from women they just didn't want jumping a relation with blind faith.
Point of view 1: A relationship is never 50% / 50%. Many times one person has more money than the other, then later things can change to where it is opposite. The idea is to be flexible and "go with the flow". Don't be stuck on the idea of one person always paying for the other. If that person loses a job, it is ok to switch things around.
Point of view 2: My mom was quite stupid when I was a teenager! She did not know a thing! I of course knew everything, but as I grew older, something strange happened... My mom got smarter and smarter! Now that I am quite a bit older, I realize my mom is *very* smart (in the advice department).
Point of view 3: Some older people grew up with the father working and being the bread winner. The mom stayed home and took care of the kids. Then when those kids grew up, suddenly everything CHANGED! Both the people in a relationship had to work to make ends meet. The idea of one person paying for everything and the other doing all the work around the house DOES NOT WORK! So a bit of "changing with the times" is in order. Be flexible these days. Adjust who pays for what, and who does what around the house, as is reasonable. (Mom's advice may have worked way back when...)
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