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was talking with my mom today and she insists that men always pay for the woman their dating and should buy thoughtful gifts and flowers every now and then. she also insists that men help their g/f financially if she's struggling and he makes a lot more money than her.
I told her I agree with her on some level but that its never any mans job to pay my way for things if I'm struggling, just because I'm struggling, or to buy me gifts randomly, unless he truly wants to. I don't agree that any man should feel obligated to, like my mom insists, just if he wants. This came up when we were talking about my brother and how he spoils his 20 year old g/f way too much (he's almost 23 anyways).
And no, no problems here...just curious how other see this issue.
I don't feel obligated to help a girl/girlfriend if she was struggling, but if I didn't I would feel like I wasn't being thoughtful of her being that she is a woman I claim to love. I'm single, but this is my opinion on the subject.
And what's wrong with spoiling? When my wife and I started spending weekends together, I had her coffeemaker filled up and ready to turn on as soon as she woke up. Then I cooked her breakfast in bed. I have always tried to spoil the ladies in my life. Just some appreciate it more than others. I used to spend quite a bit of money on her. She doesn't like gifts that much, just special occasions. That's where she had trouble with me. Right now there is a big trash bag full of 50-75 stuffed animals I would win for her with the crane you see with the vending machines. When we would go out to eat, I always paid. i was brought up that I was supposed to. Pay her way and always open the door for her. My dad taught my brother and I that. He said it's called respect. After a while my wife (girlfriend then) told me to stop. We were staying with each other when we could and knew we were going to get married so I should let her buy from time to time. She said if I didn't she wouldn't go out to eat with me. lol
What I'm rambling on about is I agree with what you were saying that he can buy things only if he wants to, not that he has to. I didn't have to buy her things but I wanted to out of respect to her. Daddy must have done a good job of getting things for Mama. They were married 66 years!
And what's wrong with spoiling? When my wife and I started spending weekends together, I had her coffeemaker filled up and ready to turn on as soon as she woke up. Then I cooked her breakfast in bed. I have always tried to spoil the ladies in my life. Just some appreciate it more than others. I used to spend quite a bit of money on her. She doesn't like gifts that much, just special occasions. That's where she had trouble with me. Right now there is a big trash bag full of 50-75 stuffed animals I would win for her with the crane you see with the vending machines. When we would go out to eat, I always paid. i was brought up that I was supposed to. Pay her way and always open the door for her. My dad taught my brother and I that. He said it's called respect. After a while my wife (girlfriend then) told me to stop. We were staying with each other when we could and knew we were going to get married so I should let her buy from time to time. She said if I didn't she wouldn't go out to eat with me. lol
What I'm rambling on about is I agree with what you were saying that he can buy things only if he wants to, not that he has to. I didn't have to buy her things but I wanted to out of respect to her. Daddy must have done a good job of getting things for Mama. They were married 66 years!
Ya nothing wrong with spoiling. I was raised that a man always pays, at least one who is very into me. Even my friends boyfriends have paid for me and our other friends at times. but if they do it out of obligation, not because they want to..it makes you feel guilty.
I would never be able to accept money from a boyfriend or someone I was dating. Ever.
I've never dated anyone that wanted to 'spoil' me though, so I'm honestly not sure how I would react. Remembering my birthday and sending a text would be a feat of amazement at this point for me.
Maybe I just have super low expectations
As for the OP, my Mom gave up on me dating many years ago. She's resigned herself to the fact that I'll probably never get married (especially considering I'm more than willing to have her set me up with men, but she refuses, but sets my sister up all the time), but I'm just glad she doesn't think I'm a lesbian anymore. So, I take everything my Mom says with a large grain of salt
was talking with my mom today and she insists that men alwayspay for the woman their dating and should buy thoughtful gifts and flowers every now and then. she also insists that men help their g/f financially if she's struggling and he makes a lot more money than her.
I told her I agree with her on some level but that its never any mans job to pay my way for things if I'm struggling, just because I'm struggling, or to buy me gifts randomly, unless he truly wants to. I don't agree that any man should feel obligated to, like my mom insists, just if he wants. This came up when we were talking about my brother and how he spoils his 20 year old g/f way too much (he's almost 23 anyways).
And no, no problems here...just curious how other see this issue.
I would never be able to accept money from a boyfriend or someone I was dating. Ever.
I've never dated anyone that wanted to 'spoil' me though, so I'm honestly not sure how I would react. Remembering my birthday and sending a text would be a feat of amazement at this point for me.
Maybe I just have super low expectations
As for the OP, my Mom gave up on me dating many years ago. She's resigned herself to the fact that I'll probably never get married (especially considering I'm more than willing to have her set me up with men, but she refuses, but sets my sister up all the time), but I'm just glad she doesn't think I'm a lesbian anymore. So, I take everything my Mom says with a large grain of salt
LOL! I hear ya! My mom, no joke, said my boyfriend better convert to Judiasm if he ever wants to marry me. I laughed and scoffed at her. I'm the most unreligious person ever, not to mention, that's not her decision. I could never demand that of anyone I was about to marry when I could care less.
I would never be able to accept money from a boyfriend or someone I was dating. Ever.
I've never dated anyone that wanted to 'spoil' me though, so I'm honestly not sure how I would react. Remembering my birthday and sending a text would be a feat of amazement at this point for me.
Maybe I just have super low expectations
As for the OP, my Mom gave up on me dating many years ago. She's resigned herself to the fact that I'll probably never get married (especially considering I'm more than willing to have her set me up with men, but she refuses, but sets my sister up all the time), but I'm just glad she doesn't think I'm a lesbian anymore. So, I take everything my Mom says with a large grain of salt
Men give gifts to women when they are trying to win our affection. Its the natural order of things. Why wouldn't you take tokens of their affections? I'm not saying to be a gold digger but flowers, a getaway trip, a pretty trinket or two, etc is nice.
LOL! I hear ya! My mom, no joke, said my boyfriend better convert to Judiasm if he ever wants to marry me. I laughed and scoffed at her. I'm the most unreligious person ever, not to mention, that's not her decision. I could never demand that of anyone I was about to marry when I could care less.
I'm pretty lucky that my entire family really couldn't care less about religion, it's one of their many redeeming qualities
I honestly think my Mom is a bit embarrassed of me. My sister is super girly (always wears makeup, always has her hair done etc.) and she thinks I'm too 'dykey' to ever have a guy interested in me. Plus, the tattoos and career as a mechanic doesn't help I just don't think she knows what to do with me, even after 28 years.
And what's wrong with spoiling? When my wife and I started spending weekends together, I had her coffeemaker filled up and ready to turn on as soon as she woke up. Then I cooked her breakfast in bed. I have always tried to spoil the ladies in my life. Just some appreciate it more than others. I used to spend quite a bit of money on her. She doesn't like gifts that much, just special occasions. That's where she had trouble with me. Right now there is a big trash bag full of 50-75 stuffed animals I would win for her with the crane you see with the vending machines. When we would go out to eat, I always paid. i was brought up that I was supposed to. Pay her way and always open the door for her. My dad taught my brother and I that. He said it's called respect. After a while my wife (girlfriend then) told me to stop. We were staying with each other when we could and knew we were going to get married so I should let her buy from time to time. She said if I didn't she wouldn't go out to eat with me. lol
What I'm rambling on about is I agree with what you were saying that he can buy things only if he wants to, not that he has to. I didn't have to buy her things but I wanted to out of respect to her. Daddy must have done a good job of getting things for Mama. They were married 66 years!
You, sir, are a White Knight! The signs are unmistakable. That's fine with us women, we like White Knights. It's some of the men here who have a problem with them. Be forwarned.
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I just don't think she knows what to do with me, even after 28 years.
