Friend's husband wants her to be a submissive housewife (marriage, women, love)
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I am astounded by this one. A friend of mine just had her first child and her husband has become very controlling. It started right after birth. She wasn't sure she was going to breastfeed but her husband in the delivery room pulled down her gown and put the baby to her breast. She eventually decided to nurse because her husband insisted it, though she was leaning against him. However it gets creepier than that though where he insists at home she breastfeed without a top on all the time saying the skin contact is better. She does this instead of arguing.
If that isn't weird enough he's insisting she quit her job (she's on leave)to be a stay at home mom and bullying her about it. In his world his mom and his sister were stay at home moms and so his his sister in law (brother's wife). He makes good money so technically she could quit but she loves her job and worked hard for it He said though having a wife at home then homeschooling is important to him. He also wants her to be nude in the house and he said he's always believed marriage was where he works, and comes home to a wife who caters to him.
I think this is creepy and I told her to stick her ground and leave if need be (she makes enough to support herself). She is confused because she loves him.
Stories like this are scary to me because before she was pregnant her husband was sane and proud of her job. Now he's acting like a domineering man.
Mod Note: Moved from Parenting forum
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 10-21-2012 at 05:31 AM..
People dont change that dramatically unless they suffered a brain injury. He had to of showed some signs before this. He is a weirdo and she needs to leave.
myself, I'd get out while I could. He had to have shown controlling tendendencies before, but the baby has fully activated them. I was in a couple of those relationships and it sounds like its working out just find for him so far. Before it gets more dicey she and child need to take a vacation.
If he is willing to talk and this isn't a temperary act, then maybe they can work it out. If its not an act then she should consider her child. Growing up in a home with that as an influence is very destructive to children, not to mention that it will just continue to esculate for her.
Women usually think they 'love' their abusers, and the dependency feeds that. But just 'love' isn't enough to put up with disrespect and something with the bullying you speak of will lead to lots worse.
If you don't like your mate just as they are, or they don't like you, don't assume time will make it better.
This man is not abusive; he is just traditional. the being in nude around the baby thing is creepy. It sounds like he is intending to impose his will on his wife. She can either submit--she likely will--or bounce.
This behavior does not materialize out of thin air as others have stated. It as there all along and she chose to minimize it.
I think the OP has more of a problem with this dude than the actual wife does. She seems to accept her husband's domination while it weirds out her friends.
He's a psycho. He probably showed signs of it before, but the baby makes him feel more secure exerting his will because he's "locked things down" in his eyes. She needs to get out now. This isn't "traditional" behavior. This is the typical behavior of an abuser. Maybe it doesn't qualify as "abuse" in the eyes of the law because he hasn't physically harmed her, but ... give him some time.
She needs to leave. Now. Either that or she needs to document everything - possibly even videotape or record conversations. This is not "stable" behavior but likely some sort of personality disorder or mental illness, and I think she's going to want to keep his legal access to the child to a minimum. The damage he could inflict on a child over whom he has control is pretty immense.
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