Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ah, now that is important. Shows you have a problem only in your perception of women-- rather than with women themselves. You can change that by consciously putting more women in your life. Not for purposes of dating, but to make yourself comfortable and natural around women, whether or not you are attracted to them.
That doesn't really help though. My mind consciously knows the difference between a woman where a romantic connection is possible versus a regular "safe" woman (IE a friend's girlfriend)
That doesn't really help though. My mind consciously knows the difference between a woman where a romantic connection is possible versus a regular "safe" woman (IE a friend's girlfriend)
Hey man I agree with you I have a thinking to there is a disconnect with women I am friends with to and women I feel a romantic connection. I mean are you a cold approach kind of guy.
There is room for variation its not all or nothing unless you make it that way.
Yea I can talk about any subject matter. I was actually born overseas (Armenia) so that helps me easily connect with people of different cultures and backgrounds
Videogames
Music - all genres
Movies - all genres
Working Out
Cooking
Sports
TV shows
As far as being a fun person, I think so. All my friends love me dearly
A lot of your list of interests are what people do to fill in time, not actual hobbies people participate in.
Working out is largely an individual activity. Watching TV, playing videogames, listening to music, those aren't really activities you'd invite a woman over to do. I think most people would admit to liking music but not list it as a hobby, it's what's playing in the background as you do other things (drive, clean the house).
Other than your own self-esteem issues and your perceptions/assumptions of what women think, you need to put yourself in a position to meet women, and that's not on the couch watching football, playing WoW or making dinner for yourself.
Do you play sports or just watch them? If you play, find something co-ed.
Join a bowling league. Join a hiking club. A camera club. Take a cooking class.
Talk to everyone to get more comfortable communicating with people, young, old, male, female. I met one BF through working with his mom. My SO (fiance) I met through mutual friends at a Christmas party. If you're a nice guy, mothers with daughters will want them to date you. Your neigbhour might have a friend or cousin. If you go out with a mixed group for a social event, you may meet someone through those mutual friends.
You have to put yourself out there, you have to be receptive, and you really need to drop the pre-judgments you think others are making. If you can "go with the flow", you'll be more at ease and that will show in your demeanor. A good personality is crucial to having relationships. It's not the "money, status, fame" than many C-D men claim it is. If you're pretty to look at but have the personality of wallpaper paste, you aren't going to have success.
And remember, you're not the overweight teen anymore. Who you used to be as a child is not who you're becoming as a man.
A lot of your list of interests are what people do to fill in time, not actual hobbies people participate in.
Working out is largely an individual activity. Watching TV, playing videogames, listening to music, those aren't really activities you'd invite a woman over to do. I think most people would admit to liking music but not list it as a hobby, it's what's playing in the background as you do other things (drive, clean the house).
Other than your own self-esteem issues and your perceptions/assumptions of what women think, you need to put yourself in a position to meet women, and that's not on the couch watching football, playing WoW or making dinner for yourself.
Do you play sports or just watch them? If you play, find something co-ed.
Join a bowling league. Join a hiking club. A camera club. Take a cooking class.
The only sports I'm really interested in don't involve women (primarily football which I play every Sunday). In terms of things like bowling or camera club, none of really interest me and I don't have much time left anyways. I work 45-50 hours a week and the free time I have is just for me to relax/socialize with my friends.
Quote:
Talk to everyone to get more comfortable communicating with people, young, old, male, female.
This isn't really an issue. I work in sales so I socialize with people all day
Quote:
If you're pretty to look at but have the personality of wallpaper paste, you aren't going to have success.
I've never had an issue with being boring. I've had a lot of friends over the years and I've worked at several sales jobs. I can build rapport pretty quickly with people
I would say my biggest problem is that I have difficulty being myself with women. I have all these negative thoughts and perceptions with women and they are rather crippling
You have a severe lack of self-esteem/confidence due to being overweight when you were growing up. I can understand that - while I was never overweight, I was an ugly duckling and I didn't really grow into myself until my late teens. This can be an extremely difficult hurdle to get over, but I would highly suggest taking everyone's opinions here stating that you are attractive seriously. Both men and women are saying it, so I would definitely consider it to be true. The only way to get over your confidence issues is to bite the bullet and do something that scares you, i.e. asking a woman out or even just initiating conversation. While you may be rejected sometimes, or often, you will get lucky, and you'll never know if you don't try.
You also seem to be the kind of person that overanalyzes everything until it's become such a hugely complicated mess that you can't even think about trying to fix it, when in all reality it's likely something that is very simple to overcome. I have this issue also, so take it from me - DON'T OVERTHINK IT!
Another huge red flag for me was the statement you made about putting women on a pedestal. This is not necessary. We are not brilliant angels sent from above to brighten everything about your life. We are just people, albeit more feminine people, and we have our faults and strengths just like anyone else. Thinking of women as something untouchable only makes your life more difficult.
There were a few other things, but this is what stood out to me. Hope this helps!
You have a severe lack of self-esteem/confidence due to being overweight when you were growing up. I can understand that - while I was never overweight, I was an ugly duckling and I didn't really grow into myself until my late teens. This can be an extremely difficult hurdle to get over, but I would highly suggest taking everyone's opinions here stating that you are attractive seriously. Both men and women are saying it, so I would definitely consider it to be true. The only way to get over your confidence issues is to bite the bullet and do something that scares you, i.e. asking a woman out or even just initiating conversation. While you may be rejected sometimes, or often, you will get lucky, and you'll never know if you don't try.
You also seem to be the kind of person that overanalyzes everything until it's become such a hugely complicated mess that you can't even think about trying to fix it, when in all reality it's likely something that is very simple to overcome. I have this issue also, so take it from me - DON'T OVERTHINK IT!
Another huge red flag for me was the statement you made about putting women on a pedestal. This is not necessary. We are not brilliant angels sent from above to brighten everything about your life. We are just people, albeit more feminine people, and we have our faults and strengths just like anyone else. Thinking of women as something untouchable only makes your life more difficult.
There were a few other things, but this is what stood out to me. Hope this helps!
I am starting to realize why I have never had a girlfriend
I have love shyness. I hate approaching women and I often times feel very uncomfortable around women who I'm attracted to. It happened again today when I got my hair cut and I felt awkward around my hair stylist.
I don't feel like this around beautiful women who are not potential romantic prospects - I would say all of my friend's girlfriends like me quite a bit and almost all of them are attractive to various degrees. I was out with some friends a while back and this girl (my friend's girlfriend) told me "you're perfect, I dunno how any girl wouldn't want to go out with you. You're a total sweetheart". That felt really good
I think that you are trying too hard if that's possible.
Relax and walk thru life confidently, dont get so hung up on the idea of dating, or not dating.
Dont worry that a girl might reject you because you're inexperienced, if she's a 'keeper' she will love you for you and not judge you and hold it against you that you're not some 'ladies man'.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
