Men, I need your advice!

[KenFL]

Originally Posted by boolouwho

I've been separated for almost a year, and am in the middle of a really hard divorce. I think I'm ready to start dating casually, but since I was 17 (I'm 26 now) I've never been single (2 very serious relationships, one fling).

I've always been hit on at bars, and even hit on by some friends after it was clear my marriage was over. I'm not looking for anything serious (flirting, dates, no sex), so I thought I would check out the bar scene since I don't know many people where I live now.

I'm not really the shy type, and I say what I mean. I like to drink bourbon on the rocks, like Jeeps/trucks and working on them, and am not afraid to get dirty. I'd take hiking and camping or road trips over dinner and a movie most days. I'm not very girly, although if I'm in a relationship I am happy to be a supportive SO, cook healthy meals, and keep the home feeling warm and welcoming. I have a softer side, but it's reserved for people I trust and am comfortable with.

My question is, do guys like aggressive and adventurous girls? If I meet a guy at a bar, I'm not likely to ask him to buy me a cosmo and play dumb. I'm always up for witty banter or debate, and I don't take kindly to men who think woman should be submissive or fade into the background--I like to be part of the action!

Since I speak what's on my mind and wouldn't be scared to offer to buy a guy a drink, would he automatically assume I want to sleep with him? I'm not into that--nothing wrong with it, I just don't sleep w/ people I'm not in a relationship with. If I flirt or make the first move and don't act shy/submissive/ditzy do guys expect me to go home with them? I'm looking for a date or a fun night, not a one night stand! I would never suggest there is anything sexual in store for them at the end of the night.

I like country boys/rugged men if that matters. No pretty boys for me. Boys, any thoughts?

I am not sure that your specific question has a specific answer... Different guys like different types of girls... There is no 1 size fits all...

If you are not afraid to offer to buy a guy a drink, just tell him, 'hey, I am not looking for a quick hook up, just conversation and was wondering if you would like a drink and to chat a bit'... For me, honesty is the best policy, however for many others, it is easier said than done...

You seem to know what you want, so take it from there... Where to meet your type of guy? Mud bogs, gun safety classes, shooting ranges, archery classes, country music bars, rodeos, fairs & festivals, 4WD shops, stores & events, concerts, races- be it local dirt track all the way to Nascar, hunting clubs, fishing clubs, adventure clubs, RV clubs even caravan trips... Think of what you like to do or what you would like to learn to do and take it from there...
Good luck!

[supermanpansy]

Originally Posted by Figuremeout

You are back in the dating game. You will need to make a guy value you as a person. You do this by making him chase. Even though I hate it, a women always loses value in my eyes when she shows too much interest in the beginning. As far as finding a good guy at a bar, I would say thats a bad idea. My brother and I run a few clubs downtown and I see on a weekly basis what type of people hang around the bars. They are lowlifes with no future. Rarely will you see a guy worth your time lingering at a bar. Go to places like a comedy club or somewhere that isn't meant to be a place where people go to get drunk and leave with someone. Its sort of late and my mind is foggy, so I apologize if this advice seems rushed.

I don't agree with this entirely, but there is some truth to this. A women can turn a guy off if she comes on too strong. Don't know why this is either. But I would'nt suggest making him chase you. That's playing games and games just add crap to the whole situation any way you spin it. If you are cool with buying a guy a drink, let him know that it isn't an invite for sex. Possibly explain to him just as you have explained to us what type of girl you are. There is nothing wrong with that. You just got out of a nine year relationship. Dating must have changed some. I myself have been with the same girl for eight years and apparently the whole dating world has fallen upside down. I've never seen so many guys and girls who don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I've never met so many virgins at such lenghtly ages. I'm serious. I think the internet generation are behind in social skills. Their good behind their computers but don't have a clue of how to talk to people in person. If I was dating again, I would not bother with anyone who plays with their phone when you are trying to have a conversation with them. That would be a definate no no.

After nine years, you sound ready. Your relationship with your soon to be ex-husband has probably been dead for years. So I wouldn't dare tell you that you're not ready. Just take things slow. Don't look to needy. People have a sick sense for people who come off as realy needy. From everything I read on C-D and from talking to others it has to be a different world out there. If you find someone that you click with and you start talking/ going out, then there is no need to make him chase you. That doesn't mean that you have to be at his beck and call. There is a huge difference. What's the rush anyhow, you just got out of a nine year relationship. So if you find someone you like, the best thing to do is take it slow. If I was single today and I felt like a girl really liked me but wanted to play games, I would give up right away. It's a huge turnoff for me. But I am almost forty too. Perhaps it's cute when your in your twenties, but most mature people have been there and done that and won't tolerate that crap anymore.

However you approach it all-good luck.

[boolouwho]

Thanks for all the responses everyone! My feelings for my ex are gone and buried, and the divorce is hard because he is also dealing with some legal trouble from before and after I left him. He also doesn't really want the divorce, but he got the hint when I moved across the country to get away from him. He's a closed chapter in my book, and the divorce is just the last step to never talking to him again. Contact with him about it is just an necessary annoyance, and I don't get emotional over it any longer. Supermanpansy, you are correct that the relationship has been dead for a while. The night I walked out of our house under police escort and he was in cuffs was just the nail in the coffin.

To everyone who says that I shouldn't play games, I completely agree. I don't like that either, and I'm an honest person who isn't afraid to say upfront that I'm not looking to go home with someone. I love to laugh and joke, but I'd never let a guy be under the impression that I was looking for a hook up that night.

I just don't know how to let a guy know I'm interested in going on dates with him, but not looking to jump into the sack right away. It's not out of the question to sleep with someone, but only after we get to know each other. Y'all are right, a bar is probably not the right place.

KenFL, you had a good suggestion about meeting guys while doing things like shooting ranges and car races. That sounds right up my alley.

Thank you everyone for your responses!

[ryazer24]

Originally Posted by boolouwho

I've been separated for almost a year, and am in the middle of a really hard divorce. I think I'm ready to start dating casually, but since I was 17 (I'm 26 now) I've never been single (2 very serious relationships, one fling).

I've always been hit on at bars, and even hit on by some friends after it was clear my marriage was over. I'm not looking for anything serious (flirting, dates, no sex), so I thought I would check out the bar scene since I don't know many people where I live now.

I'm not really the shy type, and I say what I mean. I like to drink bourbon on the rocks, like Jeeps/trucks and working on them, and am not afraid to get dirty. I'd take hiking and camping or road trips over dinner and a movie most days. I'm not very girly, although if I'm in a relationship I am happy to be a supportive SO, cook healthy meals, and keep the home feeling warm and welcoming. I have a softer side, but it's reserved for people I trust and am comfortable with.

My question is, do guys like aggressive and adventurous girls? If I meet a guy at a bar, I'm not likely to ask him to buy me a cosmo and play dumb. I'm always up for witty banter or debate, and I don't take kindly to men who think woman should be submissive or fade into the background--I like to be part of the action!

Since I speak what's on my mind and wouldn't be scared to offer to buy a guy a drink, would he automatically assume I want to sleep with him? I'm not into that--nothing wrong with it, I just don't sleep w/ people I'm not in a relationship with. If I flirt or make the first move and don't act shy/submissive/ditzy do guys expect me to go home with them? I'm looking for a date or a fun night, not a one night stand! I would never suggest there is anything sexual in store for them at the end of the night.

I like country boys/rugged men if that matters. No pretty boys for me. Boys, any thoughts?

The best suggestion i can give is go for it. The worst a guy can do is say no or that he's married/taken. If that happens, you pick yourself up and move on because theres a ton of guys out there who will be willing to take a girl like you up in no time flat. & to answer your question, it depends on the guy really.