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OP, I know you are Asian and I think you are 5'4" or 5'5"? If so, I can see how you may feel the way you feel if you go for some girls that are not Asian. Let's face it, there's a lot of discrimination against Asians and very short guys. So I don't think what you feel is universal at all. I know people don't want to admit it, but if you were white and of at least average height, it'd be a lot easier. That's white male privilege in the dating world.
Generally (setting race aside), if you what you feel was actually true, hardly any girls would be in relationships and marriages.
Personally, I don't feel the way you feel, but I imagine that I would feel that way too if I didn't just date Asian girls. My last GF fit your girl description except she was more than just cute and had a lot of talents and I only met one of your guy descriptions, and I was the one with the upper hand in the relationship.
Yes, I am, and that could be it.
Except I usually go for Asian women. Asian women usually have accomplished a lot more though, so I don't have that complaint with them as often.
But it could be something as simple as height and race making me have to compensate.
Quite honestly, I'm tired of it. Tired of feeling life I have to have so many things going on just to get a woman that is nothing special (at least in terms of tangible qualities).
Except I usually go for Asian women. Asian women usually have accomplished a lot more though, so I don't have that complaint with them as often.
But it could be something as simple as height and race making me have to compensate.
Quite honestly, I'm tired of it. Tired of feeling life I have to have so many things going on just to get a woman that is nothing special (at least in terms of tangible qualities).
Just letting off a little steam. Thanks, BQ...
Welcome to the world of being non-caucasian. I'm the only African American that works on my floor. I found out years ago that they don't have to like me, but they do have to respect me. I had to learn in my early 20s that to beat a caucasian, I'm going to have to work twice as hard and in half the time. Do I think it's fair? NO, not at all, but if I want to make a very good living, it's something I'm willing to do.
The same thing happens when I date. I've only dated caucasian women, so I had to at least be able to do what the caucasian male could do, and look better at doing it. Did I lose out on a lot of women because I was African American? You bet, but I was aware of that when I adventured into the dating world.
You can't really sit back and throw a pity party. You deal with how the world is, or you become an advocate to try and change it. If you aren't into changing the current outlook, than you have to find a way to excel!
To toot my own horn. I have been the first African American that some of the women I'd seen had ever dated. They all said the same thing, "I've never been against dating a black guy, but it just never really happened." or "I've just always been really attracted to white guys, but you seemed very different from the stereotypical black guy."
You are Asian and you are on the shorter side. That's a very strong stereotype in your culture. Sadly, those are two features you can't help, but to overcome those "shortfalls" you can do something that other Asians can't do. Culturally, they tend to keep to themselves, so maybe you can branch out and network with different types of people.
Most African Americas are depicted robbing, corn-rolls, smoking blunts, and overall being lazy. Believe it or not, a lot of caucasian women subconsciously believe that without knowing it. And when they run into a thuggish African American they automatically revert back to their subconscious feelings. It's very much a situation of one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.
-A doctorate in engineering
-A six figure income
-To be able to perform music live at a professional level
-Charisma to be able to entertain/enthrall a whole room of people
-A decent and varied social circle
-Worldly life experiences and exciting stories
To get a woman that
-Is pretty/kinda cute
-Has a bachelors degree
-Makes 40-50K
-Has no talents of note
-Is pretty social
-Respects me and is proud to have me as a man
I'm pushing towards all those goals in different degrees, but of course, there's not enough life time to get them all done. Of course, when I'm working on my career or degrees, I have to sacrifice working on my social circle or charisma or practicing music.
Sometimes I get frustrated. I feel like I need to give at least double what I expect in a woman. The list for a woman above is not the bare minimum. It is the IDEAL.
Any other guys feel frustrated that they feel they need to give much more than they expect?
Welcome to the world of being non-caucasian. I'm the only African American that works on my floor. I found out years ago that they don't have to like me, but they do have to respect me. I had to learn in my early 20s that to beat a caucasian, I'm going to have to work twice as hard and in half the time. Do I think it's fair? NO, not at all, but if I want to make a very good living, it's something I'm willing to do.
The same thing happens when I date. I've only dated caucasian women, so I had to at least be able to do what the caucasian male could do, and look better at doing it. Did I lose out on a lot of women because I was African American? You bet, but I was aware of that when I adventured into the dating world.
You can't really sit back and throw a pity party. You deal with how the world is, or you become an advocate to try and change it. If you aren't into changing the current outlook, than you have to find a way to excel!
That's the thing. That's the advice that's always given. Improve yourself...
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of continuously feeling I need to push myself to be something so much better just because I was born with certain physical attributes. I'm already so hard on myself.
I was hanging out with a female friend the other day and she was discussing with some other friends looking at houses to buy. Lol! She works 15 hours a week and is lucky to make 20K a year. Her husband is the one with the cash.
She gets to socialize any time she wants and travel and spend time working on artistic pursuits.
I feel like MAYBE if I had become a doctor, I'd be able to get an average woman who respects me for who I am and is glad to have me.
OP, be yourself and live your life doing things that make YOU happy and make you feel good about the person you are. I know it's a tougher dating scene for you than for a 6 foot tall white guy - I don't think any of us can dispute that, but you cannot change your race or your height. There are women out there who appreciate good guys that treat them with respect. I'm really starting to believe there are a lot more important things in life than dating. Things like friends and family, a job you enjoy, hobbies, traveling...you can have a happy fulfilled life without a partner. And I think your chances of finding a partner are greatly increased when you stop obsessing about dating and enjoy your life.
That's the thing. That's the advice that's always given. Improve yourself...
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of continuously feeling I need to push myself to be something so much better just because I was born with certain physical attributes. I'm already so hard on myself.
I was hanging out with a female friend the other day and she was discussing with some other friends looking at houses to buy. Lol! She works 15 hours a week and is lucky to make 20K a year. Her husband is the one with the cash.
She gets to socialize any time she wants and travel and spend time working on artistic pursuits.
I feel like MAYBE if I had become a doctor, I'd be able to get an average woman who respects me for who I am and is glad to have me.
Phew. It's a rough world out there I tell you...
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think what I said is valid, but you are also at the point where you are tired of putting forth all the effort. Just kick back and keep doing what makes you happy. If you are tired of actively trying to date, than let it settle and focus more on things you like to do. Everyone gets burnt out dating and it comes a time where you just want to take a break. I took a few breaks myself.
I was hanging out with a female friend the other day and she was discussing with some other friends looking at houses to buy. Lol! She works 15 hours a week and is lucky to make 20K a year. Her husband is the one with the cash.
She gets to socialize any time she wants and travel and spend time working on artistic pursuits.
Don't focus too much on that one example as most people are married to others with similar socioeconomic background. Like if you're a college graduate and an engineer, most likely you will be marrying another college grad who's a CPA, teacher, etc. And in marriages, it's more likely that the wife will have more education than the husband. Income is a different matter as we men are more likely to be in higher paying professions.
It sucks to have the strikes you have against you, but look at this way, you've had relationships in the past, right? Surely, those weren't just the result of luck so I'm sure they are repeatable experiences, no?
Sometimes I get frustrated. I feel like I need to give at least double what I expect in a woman. The list for a woman above is not the bare minimum. It is the IDEAL.
Any other guys feel frustrated that they feel they need to give much more than they expect?
Yeah but this is part of the deal with being a man. We don't compete against other women. We compete against other men.
For instance. If you achieved all of those goals. You basically could trade your woman in for a younger model every 5 years. It sounds cold but it's the truth. Highly successful guys do this all of the time.
Also we don't have women issues and we don't have children. It's almost a fair trade off.
It sucks to have the strikes you have against you, but look at this way, you've had relationships in the past, right? Surely, those weren't just the result of luck so I'm sure they are repeatable experiences, no?
I have had a couple, but one had serious baggage that other men might not touch, and the other, while good on paper, wasn't really completely proud to have me, thus my requiring it on the OP.
I feel like I deserve better than I have gotten, especially because I don't expect that much more out of a woman than to be kinda smart, kinda cute, and cool. But anyway ... I'm committed to cutting down on the whining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by joeclyde
Yeah but this is part of the deal with being a man. We don't compete against other women. We compete against other men.
For instance. If you achieved all of those goals. You basically could trade your woman in for a younger model every 5 years. It sounds cold but it's the truth. Highly successful guys do this all of the time.
Also we don't have women issues and we don't have children. It's almost a fair trade off.
I'm not so sure about that. I'm not TOO far from a lot of those things. And I do TERRIBLE. After all, those are my actual goals ... to an extent. I just don't have time to address them all.
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