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Old 10-23-2012, 04:55 PM
 
23 posts, read 27,810 times
Reputation: 10

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
I'd cry too, who is going to do my laundry and cook for me...certainly not his mistress.
He has 2 housekeepers. He never wanted my grandmother to do domestic chores.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
ive never slept with my mother and have no intention too, does that mean i shouldn't cry when she dies?
That's not even comparable.
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Old 10-23-2012, 04:56 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,608,099 times
Reputation: 12334
You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:03 PM
 
2,677 posts, read 2,611,961 times
Reputation: 1491
Quote:
Originally Posted by JMQC View Post
At her funeral, I couldn't believe when I saw him washed in tears, totally devastated. I mean, this sounds cruel, but now he can have all the women he wants (sure he's old but he has the money). Why be such an hipocrite in the end?
He wasn't being hypocritical. Not everyone equates sex with love, and not everyone desires monogamy. Clearly your grandfather was such a man, though it would have been healthier if he allowed his wife the same freedom that he allowed himself.

My wife and I are not monogamous. By mutual consent. Yet, I love her deeply, and if she were to die I would be worse than devastated. The fact that we have sex with other people does not affect that one iota.
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Atlantis
3,016 posts, read 3,901,388 times
Reputation: 8867
01 He is a narcissist and is imitating human emotion that he has witnessed before and thinks is applicable to the current situation.

02 He lost his primary source of emotional supply that he used to regulate his fragile sense of self worth while cheating on her as well as not having anyone to fall back on when or if other relationships (the affairs) end.

03 Seeking attention from others that are sincerely mourning her death, and attempting to appear normal in their eyes - although his behavior regarding the cheating while she was alive showed a total lack of respect for her as a woman as well as a selfish disregard for their marriage

04 He realizes that he will have to secure another woman (at his advanced age) to marry and keep on hold while he goes out and has affairs and is struggling with the challenge of doing that as well as finding a woman that will tolerate his infidelity once she is with him.
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:15 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,608,099 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skydive Outlaw View Post
02 He lost his primary source of emotional supply that he used to regulate his fragile sense of self worth while cheating on her as well as not having anyone to fall back on when or if other relationships (the affairs) end.


04 He realizes that he will have to secure another woman (at his advanced age) to marry and keep on hold while he goes out and has affairs and is struggling with the challenge of doing that as well as finding a woman that will tolerate his infidelity once she is with him.
I'd go with these.
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Old 10-23-2012, 06:33 PM
 
23 posts, read 27,810 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
Oh, he was a good citizen, a hard working, providing and caring for his family.
He never left his wife - she was the mother of his kids, she had say so, she run the household and raised kids. She was the hearth that had given warmth and comfort, sense of belonging, the heart of the house. A place where he was coming back, a quiet and stable haven for his soul.
I am sure he had respect for that.
What he had on the side was the little thrill, an excitement, a dirty secret - something probably not too terrible in the eyes of the society, as you said he was a macho type, good looking and making good money. Bossy and a bit arrogant. THE MAN.
However i think that he never ever thought about leaving his wife for a little flirt and easy women.
Now he lives with the memories and I am sure he misses his wife terribly.
Yes, from what I know he never really had serious relationships with other women. It was just affairs.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Skydive Outlaw View Post
01 He is a narcissist and is imitating human emotion that he has witnessed before and thinks is applicable to the current situation.

02 He lost his primary source of emotional supply that he used to regulate his fragile sense of self worth while cheating on her as well as not having anyone to fall back on when or if other relationships (the affairs) end.

03 Seeking attention from others that are sincerely mourning her death, and attempting to appear normal in their eyes - although his behavior regarding the cheating while she was alive showed a total lack of respect for her as a woman as well as a selfish disregard for their marriage

04 He realizes that he will have to secure another woman (at his advanced age) to marry and keep on hold while he goes out and has affairs and is struggling with the challenge of doing that as well as finding a woman that will tolerate his infidelity once she is with him.
That's disturbing. He's a nice man overall. My father and my uncles don't really get along with him but the grandchildren love him. He's great with us.

I'm quite sure he won't marry again. I didn't mention it but he appears to have stopped having affairs a few years ago. At least during my grandmother's final months I would bet he didn't have anything going on.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:32 PM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,439,512 times
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Well, I certainly cannot condone your grandfather's affairs. It is very sad that your grandmother had to deal with that for so long. Despite that, he was married to her for 54 years, which is a heck of a long time. I don't think you can be with someone that long and not be affected by their death. He did stay married to her, had children with her, and lived with her. There was probably some guilt in there too.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:45 PM
 
4,078 posts, read 5,400,769 times
Reputation: 4958
I wonder if a part of his love for her was the fact that she was loyal, dedicated, and patient with him no matter how much he cheated on her.

It's like he got his urges fulfilled, and she didn't punish him for it.

I'm guessing here.

Sometimes hormones in other people are so high it's hard to fathom how they could be so horny but have their hearts set out on one person.

Something I won't understand, but maybe your grandma handled it differently, which came off as total acceptance and non-judgment of him and his character; hence, he loved her so much.

She literally gave love in an unconditional way. Maybe a part of his sadness is his guilt of knowing that the one person who did treat him well is no longer physically here. When she was he took her love for granted. So he saves as a spot at the table as a symbolic memory, keeping her spiritually alive in the present moment as though she never left. She nurtured him in such a way he can't let her go.
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:16 AM
 
Location: Atlantis
3,016 posts, read 3,901,388 times
Reputation: 8867
Quote:
Originally Posted by JMQC View Post



That's disturbing.

The truth is always disturbing to someone that is delusional.

You have stated that he cheated on his spouse as well as "he is a nice man". Your position is just as clear as is your lack of a working relationship with reality.

He is a cheater. By default - cheaters are liars, manipulators, decievers and users. They have to be in order to cheat and commit infidelity. Liars, manipulators, decievers and users are not nice people.

Check the foundation of your premises and you will find a logical flaw. A flaw and inconsistency that requires you to also lack a working relationship with reality to continue to adhere to. He is a cheater - and not a nice man. Your desire to have your cake and eat it too: claiming he is a nice man while also mentioning the cheating is an attempt to evade and avoid the reality of the situation.
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Old 10-24-2012, 02:54 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,032 posts, read 24,591,266 times
Reputation: 20165
Guilt hopefully. Sounds like a real treasure of a husband.... 54 years with a total bastard, what a prize in the lottery of life ! Or maybe the habit of living with someone for 54 years, you get used to having that presence of your spouse no matter how craply you treated her and abused her.

I simply do not accept that you cheat on someone you Love. That to me is incomprehensible.

If getting into other woman's pants is more important than the woman you are supposed to Love you do not Love her. If you do not care about the pain, misery, and hurt you will cause, the lack of self esteem and the destruction of your relationship to that one person you do not Love that person. If your needs always come first then you are not in Love. And you are scum IMO. Period.

If you cannot stay faithful to one person , a very simple solution availalbe to ALL is NOT to get married and NOT to make promises you have no intention of keeping. Yes even in those days. Plenty of single people even then.


Stay single and be the playboy you always wanted to be. Not a very hard concept to grasp even for men with their brains firmly tucked in their underpants. Sleep around like a Dog and do not abuse your wife ( cheating is spousal psychological abuse unless you are in an open marriage).
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