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Actually, my grandmother was a HORRIBLE cook. My grandfather did much of the cooking throughout their very happy marriage and took it over entirely when he retired, and Grandma tended to the house and kids.
Aww, I love this. My grandma was a wonderful cook but my grandfather LOVED to cook so he very often did the cooking. He'd come home after a hard day and put something delicious on. He also loved to cook for holidays, the whole spread. Other than that they were very traditional as far as roles went.
I honestly think it is because women can be independent now. In your grandparent era, women were taught to do as your husband tells and keep a nice house. Now we have millions more options, so we don't have to settle down. Not a bad thing.
If you met me in my 20s, I was a party girl, had NO desire to settle down.
Now I'm married, love to cook, and keep house.
I think doing what I wanted when I was young has made me a better spouse.... I won't need to find myself - I know where I am, I won't wonder what it's like to be with other guys - did that.
You need to find the right person, at the right time.
And yeah, it's time and work. It's very important, and nothing that comes easily is valued.
Actually, my grandmother was a HORRIBLE cook. My grandfather did much of the cooking throughout their very happy marriage and took it over entirely when he retired, and Grandma tended to the house and kids.
My grandma (now 94) did not have a happy marriage. Her husband beat the shyte out of her and the kids for many years. She celebrated when he dropped dead in his 50s from an aneurism. According to her she wasted her life and didn't start living until she was almost 60. She was/is a great cook, tho.
I think about it, but I still look at people in my family and think how did they get so lucky...
That's because you're looking from the outside. You have no idea what's really happened between them, even if it's family. You have no idea how they might have felt at one time or another, or many times. You might not know it if there were an affair. You might not know it if one had been on the verge of leaving one time or many times.
You're idealizing because you're looking from the outside in and you're believing that what you see is all there is.
The people in my circle-husband, friends, and colleagues.
Well, I've got a few male friends like me, and I know a bunch of cool folks, as well as a few female friends, but none of those happen to be both my age and available.
That's because you're looking from the outside. You have no idea what's really happened between them, even if it's family. You have no idea how they might have felt at one time or another, or many times. You might not know it if there were an affair. You might not know it if one had been on the verge of leaving one time or many times.
You're idealizing because you're looking from the outside in and you're believing that what you see is all there is.
Well... whenever I visit them, things always appear to be fine and dandy... Where as my family has fought in public....
I don't know, but it seems to me that the older generations were raised to be better partners for each other. They all met earlier than their 20s, had a great successful family, they were all good looking, and none of them had a divorce. My great grand parents even stayed together through ww2. But then something changed, and none of the folks one generation above me in my family are still in their first marriage, nor are they happy with the second ones.
My grandparents told me they "just found each other", and I am still looking for someone who even puts in half the effort as me into a relationship. I would say most people here aren't even looking for something serious. My grandparents were actually in love with each other, while in my case, I've only been with girls who were in lust. What was their secret to lasting 50+ years even though they met before their twenties and married in less than a year? Where as my own mother had me out of wedlock, left my father, and entered another poor marriage.
You might think this is weird, but, my great grandma was a nurse in ww2, knew how to cook, grow, sew, raise a family of six, and run the business operation of a farm by her mid 20's, whilst at the same time being a wife to a fighter pilot and engineer.
Mean while, I've yet to see such an attractive, industrial woman looking for a relationship, around here. Nowadays, women can't cook, many of them don't work, and talk trash freely.
You must be living in a different environment than I am. Frankly, looking back on my grandparents, and other people of that generation; and my mother's generation. Nobody was particularly happy. They got married and raised their children. They did what they had to do but frankly, in my recollections of visits with my relatives, nobody seemed happy at all.
My grandmother divorced her first husband in 1924 which was pretty unusual, and supported her three children by working in an Olive factory in central California. She remarried in 1926 and my mother was born about a year later. From what my mother tells me, growing up they were not happy at all.
I have memories of other relatives who, after having children, essentially lead separate lives but stayed together for appearances sake, or for the sake of the children. My own mother was married to a miserable man for more than 40 years but was too insecure and unsure of her own ability to support herself on a high school education to leave.
I believe that if you were to delve more deeply into these relationships that you mention, relationships which appear happy on the surface, you would quickly discover that for the most part, men and women are not happy to remain together for long periods of time. There comes a point, I believe, where they decide to "make the best of it", and start to become friends and appreciate one another more, but overall, in my opinion it is not a natural condition.
People who stay together must decide to compromise on things. I think that is what is missing today. The willingness to compromise with the other person.
You must be living in a different environment than I am. Frankly, looking back on my grandparents, and other people of that generation; and my mother's generation. Nobody was particularly happy. They got married and raised their children. They did what they had to do but frankly, in my recollections of visits with my relatives, nobody seemed happy at all.
My grandmother divorced her first husband in 1924 which was pretty unusual, and supported her three children by working in an Olive factory in central California. She remarried in 1926 and my mother was born about a year later. From what my mother tells me, growing up they were not happy at all.
I have memories of other relatives who, after having children, essentially lead separate lives but stayed together for appearances sake, or for the sake of the children. My own mother was married to a miserable man for more than 40 years but was too insecure and unsure of her own ability to support herself on a high school education to leave.
I believe that if you were to delve more deeply into these relationships that you mention, relationships which appear happy on the surface, you would quickly discover that for the most part, men and women are not happy to remain together for long periods of time. There comes a point, I believe, where they decide to "make the best of it", and start to become friends and appreciate one another more, but overall, in my opinion it is not a natural condition.
People who stay together must decide to compromise on things. I think that is what is missing today. The willingness to compromise with the other person.
20yrsiNBranson
Um, yeah. Seeing as I'm quite happy with my life right now, I'll pass on the scenario you describe.
Well, I've got a few male friends like me, and I know a bunch of cool folks, as well as a few female friends, but none of those happen to be both my age and available.
How long did it take to find your husband?
I met my husband in my late 20s, although I dated a number of great guys before him. Obviously, nobody I felt was compatible marriage wise, but they were people who contributed to my development and I'll always care for them. I have to wonder how much time young people are spending outside, offline. My friends, especially when we were single, are/were so active. A few of them are in bands, some are into extreme sports (skydiving, mountain biking), they're always throwing parties (themes are big in my crew). They work and play hard. I'm by far the laziest of the bunch. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the feeling some on this forum aren't really doing so much to have active, interesting social lives.
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