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See now, here's the problem (if you really want help and want to solve this issue for the future with whomever you wind up with). Just as I said above, and I wasn't bashing, this was the truth: you WILL do this again. You're proving it here by basically saying, "Okay, I know it was wrong to tell someone I hated her and to call her an FB, but I only did it because I was really upset." You are IN NO WAY saying you'll never do it again, even in the immediate aftermath you're not deep down planning on changing this type of reaction. You're saying in the future you'll curb that reaction...IF you're not too upset.
That's not good enough for your ex. It shouldn't be. If you want to fix this going forward, you really should think about looking further into what makes you feel you're allowed to scream and be abusive toward someone if you feel the person has made you feel negative emotions. This won't get better without help. It will only get worse as you get older. Work on it now before somebody really gets hurt.
I understand what you're saying. Everything I do is a learning experience. I did have a lot of issues with blowing up when I was a kid. I've gotten much better, but I obviously still have work to do. I've owned up to it, and I can easily take it a step further and own up to the responsibility of fixing it. I'd like to be the best man I can be, and I'm willing to work to take any steps to get there.
What I think the big issue is though is that I really don't want to beat myself up over this any more than I'm doing. I don't truly believe I'm the big bad bully that I was when I stated "I hate you you FB" on the phone. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think these topics need to be addressed a little bit more delicately for somebody who obviously has issues with his own guilt.
It really depends on what is being said. Somebody saying "I wouldn't stay with you if I was her" is not giving me advice. It doesn't help me do anything, outside of beat myself up even more. I think I've done that enough. That's what I'm calling bashing.
I'm just saying that if she wants to stay with me, is it worth it from my own perspective?
YOU are the only one that can answer this question and nothing anyone here says can make that decision for you. Your actions were childish, mean and unnecessary and I personally would not stay with you because of them however, I am not your girlfriend so I would have no clue what she would even think about the entire situation.
YOu sound like one of those guys who goes around talking about what a nice guy he is - but you're not a nice guy.
A truly NICE guy - meaning someone with any level of maturity and empathy - would have said "Can we talk about this some more?"
A nice guy wouldn't have flown off the handle like some diva 6-year-old. You called her names and unfriended her on facebook. MY GOD. Here's an idea for something that would have the same effect: Cut off your own testicles right in front of her. Then stomp on them.
You basically emasculated yourself by fully demonstrating that you're an immature child who isn't ready for a relationship. I can't imagine why she would want to stay with you.
Work on yourself. Figure out why you go nuclear over what should be a discussion, not a fight. Learn to communicate not throw a hissy.
What he said.
You have poisoned this relationship by your behavior. The woman would be crazy to trust you again. Learn from it and move on.
I understand what you're saying. Everything I do is a learning experience. I did have a lot of issues with blowing up when I was a kid. I've gotten much better, but I obviously still have work to do. I've owned up to it, and I can easily take it a step further and own up to the responsibility of fixing it. I'd like to be the best man I can be, and I'm willing to work to take any steps to get there.
What I think the big issue is though is that I really don't want to beat myself up over this any more than I'm doing. I don't truly believe I'm the big bad bully that I was when I stated "I hate you you FB" on the phone. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think these topics need to be addressed a little bit more delicately for somebody who obviously has issues with his own guilt.
I never said you should beat yourself up. I said you should get help. Now. How is that beating yourself up? Are you only hearing what you want to hear? Do you want to be angry at anyone who is telling you something you don't want to hear? Or do you want to fix this for the future?
If the former, then you're a free agent, go ahead. If the latter, do get help.
You acted like a total jerk. I would totally discourage her from continuing to see you. And, honestly...somehow it makes what you called her and said even more malicious since you said you were at your church choir practice...Really bad behavior imo Get into some anger management classes before you enter into any relationship again.
Last edited by JanND; 10-28-2012 at 09:21 PM..
Reason: edit text
I think some of you are being extremely unfair and unkind to me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop.
I'm fully aware of that what I said was inappropriate and wrong. But I think some of you are completely missing or ignoring the fact that this happened because she called me and said that this relationship wasn't working and she basically wants out. I don't think my emotional state is normal at the time, and by blaming me for this, you are showing your bias.
What do you want me to do? Jump off a bridge because I got angry? Seriously? I made a mistake; stop rubbing salt into open wounds.
Wow. Unfair and unkind. And again with the excuse for bad behavior on your part. You didn't act badly because of what she said; you simply acted badly. Your anger was out of proportion for the events at the time. Additionally, your hearing "bashing" from the posters is another indicator of your inability to accept responsibility for your egregious behavior. Yes, you say you did wrong, but you also excuse it.
I agree with the other posters who have said you need to get some help for your anger control issue. Whether she chooses to stay with you is not within your control. Should you try to continue with the relationship? Again, only you have the answer to that.
You seem to have in my experience the typical response to rejection that nice guys do.
My advice is that it's probably suited to dump her, work on what is likely some closeted misogyny, develop a healthy coping mechanism for rejection, and pursue gals that aren't in public displays of affection.
I think some of you are being extremely unfair and unkind to me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop.
I'm fully aware of that what I said was inappropriate and wrong. But I think some of you are completely missing or ignoring the fact that this happened because she called me and said that this relationship wasn't working and she basically wants out. I don't think my emotional state is normal at the time, and by blaming me for this, you are showing your bias.
What do you want me to do? Jump off a bridge because I got angry? Seriously? I made a mistake; stop rubbing salt into open wounds.
Holding you accountable for your words and actions is being bias, extremely unfair, and unkind?
Always amusing how often pointing out a guys bad behavior towards gals gets the response of 'you're being a meanie'.
Bit curious as to why you think it's beating you up/bashing you to acknowledge your behavior was bad. Perhaps you want to simply brush off any bad behavior of yours?
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