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Old 10-29-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley View Post
But what if you went for it and in those four months you got to know the person, fell in love, and made new plans together?
It could happen but I think it's unlikely. Life doesn't work out like a romantic movie. Would you really be willing to move and uproot your entire life for someone you've known four months? I probably wouldn't. Is this a hypothetical situation, or a situation you're actually in?
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Old 10-29-2012, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,791 posts, read 3,175,710 times
Reputation: 1363
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley View Post
Maybe I'm too much of a romantic to be affected by timing. When I meet someone who's amazing, I just go for it regardless. That's why I've had a hard time believing people who say "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

But I'm talking about someone I've already spent a fair amount of time with, already felt some electricity with. Not just a guy that I've seen around and thought was cute. Once a connection is obvious, it just feels inevitable. Who cares if I'm moving in 4 months!
I agree. Enjoy it while you have it. Deal with moving when that bridge comes. Otherwise, you could miss out on 4 of the best months of your life!

I would, however, recommend being upfront with the other person about moving, though.
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,791 posts, read 3,175,710 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
It could happen but I think it's unlikely. Life doesn't work out like a romantic movie. Would you really be willing to move and uproot your entire life for someone you've known four months? I probably wouldn't. Is this a hypothetical situation, or a situation you're actually in?
I likely would, for the right person, so long as i liked the place where she lived and i could find a decent-paying job there.
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 658,404 times
Reputation: 346
I wasn't giving personal information because it was more of a question about all of your experiences. But I don't mind talking about me! I met a guy that I was getting to know and really like, but he said he wasn't looking for a 'life partner' because he had recently gotten out of a 5 year relationship (2 years ago, but whatever). There was definite chemistry between us, and at times he would let his guard down and be very affectionate but then say that he was afraid he'd get attached to me and it would hurt when I leave. My plan was to leave in 4 months. He wants to stay in this town for another 5 years because he has a business here. If I fell in love, I would change my plans, but it's obviously not something you can know in the beginning. So it ended because we were on different pages.

My best friend met a guy who wanted to date her. She told the guy she wasn't looking for a relationship because after 3 months, she was supposed to be deployed to Afghanistan for a year. He begged her to just give him a chance, and she did. Her deployment was delayed, so they ended up spending 6 months together, fell in love, did long distance while she was in Afghanistan, and now they're married. I like this guy's approach! Throw caution to the wind.
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,652,769 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley View Post
Maybe I'm too much of a romantic to be affected by timing. When I meet someone who's amazing, I just go for it regardless. That's why I've had a hard time believing people who say "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
You are due for a lengthy amount of heartache. When someone says they aren't looking for a relationship right now, they mean they have no interest in a relationship with YOU and never will. They may not want one with anyone, but for sure they don't want you.
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,139,471 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
You are due for a lengthy amount of heartache. When someone says they aren't looking for a relationship right now, they mean they have no interest in a relationship with YOU and never will. They may not want one with anyone, but for sure they don't want you.

I disagree. It's something I wouldn't reccommend jumping into if I was told that. It's certainly not ideal, but there are exceptions. If people only fell in love under "perfect" circumstances we would have alot more miserable people on c-d. People do fall in love unexpectedly. I've fallen in love when I least expected it before. In fact I remember bragging to my friend how I would never fall for a young women again. It wasn't weeks later that I fell hard for someone and I have been with her since. She's seven years younger. Feelings change/ people change/ things change. If it's meant to be, it will work out. If it's not meant to be it won't. I would never categorize "everyone" into these types of situations. Nothing is ever an absolute or definate unless we make it/ or it unfolds that way.

OP', I wish you luck. If it's meant to be, you'll both put the passion and desire it takes to make it happen. Good luck
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:23 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
You are due for a lengthy amount of heartache. When someone says they aren't looking for a relationship right now, they mean they have no interest in a relationship with YOU and never will. They may not want one with anyone, but for sure they don't want you.
I think there are exceptions but overall I think NYC is right. I dated a guy for about five months who was very up front he didn't want a relationship. Yet he treated me like a girlfriend without giving me that "girlfriend" label. I was okay with the arrangment at first yet over time I wasn't and the relationship ended. He never changed his mind about a relationship with me, but a few months ago he started dating a girl he happily gave the girlfriend label. He just didn't want a relationship with me, but he was willing to accept the companionship I offered until someone better came along. I think in general when a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship that IS the kiss of death. It's the same thing when a woman tells a guy she just wants to be friends it means a relationship will never happen.

I've read your posts and you seem like a good person. Just don't let yourself get wrapped up in romantic fantasties okay? Yes love can come when you don't expect it and it can overcome obstacles, but you have to be realistic too.
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Old 10-30-2012, 07:26 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,972,596 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley View Post
Have you ever not pursued a relationship with someone you really liked because of timing? Because you just didn't want to date at that time, maybe you recently ended a long relationship? I hear people say this sometimes, but I can't relate. Is it just a nice way of rejecting someone you're not that into?

I think timing is really important. A couple of months ago I met a great guy. He made me excited about love again, but there was always something in the back of my mind that put a damper on the possibility of that relationship. My previous relationship left me gunshy, especially since there was distance involved, and it hurt my chances with a new person.

I had a date just recently with another guy and we had an awesome time. Maybe if I had met the other guy now instead of then, it would have been different? I don't know.
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Old 10-30-2012, 07:39 AM
 
37,496 posts, read 45,805,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley View Post
Have you ever not pursued a relationship with someone you really liked because of timing? Because you just didn't want to date at that time, maybe you recently ended a long relationship? I hear people say this sometimes, but I can't relate. Is it just a nice way of rejecting someone you're not that into?
Timing is critical for EVERY relationship. That should not be news for anyone.
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